More Top Moments in Early American History

anglofile:

alexanderhammyton:

– James Madison “accidentally” buys prostitutes for foreign ambassadors

– Jefferson eating a tomato like an apple at a dinner and everyone rushing off to find a doctor because Americans thought tomatoes were poisonous

– Washington and Lafayette falling asleep under a tree after Monmouth

– Washington cursing out Charles Lee after his retreat

– James Armistead Lafayette, who was a badass spy during the revolution and gave Lafayette vital information which led to the victory at Yorktown. Lafayette freed him and James was so grateful he took Lafayette’s last name

– Lafayette being given an alligator as a gift and, not knowing what to do with it, regifting it to John Quincy Adams

– the Constitutional Convention going out and getting turnt two days before the signing of the Constitution, and some of the additional charges being a broken chair, cups, and chamber pots

– John Hancock being smol

– Alexander Hamilton’s argument against hanging John Andrè basically being “he’s too pretty”

– Aaron Burr sleeping through Valentine’s Day

– Lafayette naming his ONLY son after George Washington

– Ben Franklin and John Adams once having to share a room with one bed and falling asleep arguing whether or not they should sleep with the window open or closed

– Ben Franklin taking “air baths” which consisted of him sitting naked in a bathtub for hours a day

– Aaron Burr having a knife hidden in the handle of his umbrella, and then LOSING said umbrella

– John Adams’ kid Charles once ran naked across Harvard Yard

– Alexander Hamilton losing his check book and having to write the bank of New York for a new one, while also requesting his account balance which he didn’t know, which he wrote in the check book, which he lost

– Aaron Burr hitting his head on the same pipe twice jfc he’s such a mess

– Thomas Jefferson getting a terrible headache for two days after behaving awkwardly in front of a girl

– John Adams naming his dog Satan

– Alexander Hamilton’s letters to his totally hetero bro™ John Laurens being censored by his descendants

– George Washington running for the House of Burgesses and getting his constituents totally smashed so they would vote for him

Okay the last bit was common practice for all politicians in Virginia because if they wanted to win, they had to have the best booze. I remember because once James Madison was like “How about you elect me because I would be good at this job?” And all the voters were like “How about you go f**k yourself?” Then he lost.