Please explain the Cold War?

factsinallcaps:

OKAY SO DO YOU REMEMBER IN LOONEY TUNES WHENEVER BUGS BUNNY AND DAFFY DUCK WERE ABOUT TO GET IN A FIGHT, AND THEY JUST KEPT POINTING BIGGER AND BIGGER WEAPONS AT ONE ANOTHER UNTIL FINALLY BUGS WAS POINTING A GUN YOU COULD SEE FROM SPACE, AND HE FIRES IT AT DAFFY AND AFTERWARDS HIS BEAK IS ON BACKWARDS AND HE’S LIKE “I THINK YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR” 

NOW IMAGINE THAT, EXCEPT IT LASTS 50 YEARS, DAFFY AND BUGS BOTH HAVE GUNS THAT IF FIRED WILL ERADICATE ALL LIFE ON EARTH INCLUDING BOTH OF THEM, AND AT THE END OF IT NEITHER OF THEM ACTUALLY EVER PULLED THE TRIGGER BECAUSE DAFFY PASSED OUT. 

ALSO IMAGINE THAT THEY WERE BOTH TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND EVERY COUNTRY DAFFY TRIED TO TAKE OVER, BUGS WOULD POUR TONS OF MONEY AND WEAPONS INTO TRAINING MILITANTS TO USE TACTICS WE WOULD TODAY CALL “TERRORISM” IN ORDER TO BREAK DAFFY’S CONTROL, ESSENTIALLY TEARING COUNTRIES APART IN ORDER TO SETTLE THEIR DICK-MEASURING CONTEST BY PROXY. ALSO, ONE OF THE MILITANTS BUGS TRAINED WAS LITERALLY OSAMA BIN LADEN. 

BUGS IS AMERICA AND DAFFY IS THE U.S.S.R. 

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THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER 2 ANNOUNCED

drgrlfriend:

slatestarscratchpad:

slatestarscratchpad:

bowtochris:

dongstomper:

THE ALBATROSS IS BACK………. AND HES FUCKING PISSED

<3 RotAM

The sky turned black, the sea turned black
The moon was lost in mist
The goddamn albatross was back
And he was fucking pissed.

“I asked ‘How are you hale and well?
And from the sky descending?”
Said it: ‘I am a shade from Hell
And come in search of vengeance.’

And then it raised a ghostly wing
The sky was lost in shadow
And from the sea, all glistening
Rose a goddamn sharknado.”

The Wedding-Guest, he rolled his eyes
So strange a tale to hear
But still spoke on that ancient man
The wild Mariner:

“I ran like heck across the deck
But the sharks were many and fast
I tripped and fell into the sea
And there I breathed my last.”

“Hold on now,” said the Wedding-Guest
Amidst the festive cheer
“If perished ye upon that sea
How came you to be here?

How came you to be here with me?
O, answer that, I ask!”
The Mariner removed his face
As if it were a mask

Inside there was an Albatross
It gave an awful shriek
It slammed into the Wedding-Guest
And slew him with its beak.

Farewell, farewell, but this I tell
I tell it to thee plain
Do not fuck with an albatross
Those fuckers are insane.

It got even better!

tippingvelvets:

400% of mental illness is thinking this is probably just how hard life is for everyone and you just can’t handle it because you’re a whiny baby who isn’t trying hard enough.