Now to resist the urge to write a fanfiction about a Torchwood smutfest competition…
No John, you cannot referee
John would just complain that he wasn’t included in enough threesomes.
And now I’m picturing the three of them in whatever room Owen locked them in, John reading through the fics and making comments about Ianto’s imagination, Jack standing smugly next to him looking proud, and Ianto trying to melt into whatever corner is most convenient as he he dies of embarrassment.