Fear is felt by writers at every level. Anxiety accompanies the first word they put on paper and the last.
Ralph Keyes, The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear
(via to-write-my-book)
I have a thought about ‘kill your darlings.’ There seems to be a general notion out there in the ether that the phrase means, ‘Hunt down every sentence or image you really love and cut it down like a pernicious weed.’ That, my dears, is bullshit.
“In my opinion, what it really means is, ‘If you’re rewriting a whole scene just so that a paragraph or conversation you’re in love with will work, and it still kind of doesn’t, maybe it doesn’t really belong in this story and you should print it out and put it in a lovely, decorative folder labelled DARLINGS to read on those days when you hate every sentence you’re writing.’
Delia Sherman, American fantasy writer (via ellenkushner)
writing vs brain
me: all right! time to get some writing done!
brain: we can’t.
me: um?
brain: the stars are not in alignment for this chapter.
me: meaning..?
brain: something is wrong with the last thing you wrote that’s going to matter down the line, and unless you fix it now, whatever you do next won’t work.
me: right, okay, cool! what needs fixing?
brain: I don’t know.
me: what
brain: look, my knowledge of the problem is a wave-and-particle dealie. I can know that there’s an error or I can know what needs to happen, but I can’t know both at once.
me: UM.
brain: we totes fucked up, tho
me: …
brain: it’s fine! just let it percolate, I’ll figure it out.
me: have you ever heard of this thing
me: it’s called a DEADLINE
me: and WE HAVE ONE
me: SOON
brain: …
brain: new thought who dis
I don’t think we talk enough about it being 100% ok to abandon your goals.
There is so much about keeping on trying and working hard and You Can Achieve Anything When You Put Your Mind To It which is a great sentiment. And for the large part its true and I don’t intend to contradict that when I say that look: sometimes you have to quit and that’s ok.
There is no virtue in pursuing a goal to the detriment of your health and happiness. Not every goal is attainable for you no matter how much you want it and it isn’t shameful to walk away from an aspiration that isnt working for you or is sapping your energy and it doesn’t feel worth it anymore.
You’re no less for changing your mind about something halfway through, or losing interest, or deciding other things are more of a priority than getting fit, running that marathon, getting into med school or whatever else you hoped to do. Forgive yourself, move on.
In a similar vein, and something I’ve been struggling with: You can come back.
Wrote a lot of poems and stories as a middle schooler? Lost that somewhere along the way? You can come back.
Made a lot of art as a kid? Gave up because it wasn’t “good enough” or “practical”? You can come back.
Life is hard, college is ridiculously difficult. It’s okay to give up and focus on trying to take care of yourself. You can go back.
You never have to pick dreams back up, and sometimes it’s ridiculously hard to do so, but you can if you want. It’s up to you.
YES YES YES.
I feel like a lot of people know this story already, but I’m gonna tell it again.
I have always written. I started when I was five and asked for a typewriter for Christmas because I wanted to “make books” and I knew books weren’t handwritten. (I got it, and my mom spent years teaching me how to touch type so I’d have a marketable skill.)
Starting around 2000, I started submitting stories. My first pro gig was writing for a now-defunct roleplaying game, Tribe 8. I wrote terrible, TERRIBLE short sci fi and fantasy. I wrote a terrible novel. Then I had my first short story sale, to Strange Horizons. I kept writing terrible stories and wrote another terrible novel.
Then in 2003, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. We lived together at the time, and I became her primary caregiver. I stopped submitting stories. I stopped writing. After she died in 2006, it never occurred to me to go back. Everything I’d written was awful, after all.
Then in 2012, I stumbled into the Sherlock fandom. After years spent looking down my nose at fanfic (yeah, I was one of those writers), I started reading it. Then I started writing it. After 9 years, I started writing again. I. loved. it. I wrote fanfic like a fiend (and really haven’t stopped).
Later that year, I was in a chat room with other Sherlock fans, and one of them, @adiprose, mentioned that she really loved my writing and I was as gleeful to hear that as you might imagine. So I hopped over to her blog. And HOLY SHIT, it turned out she’s a literary agent. With an agency I’d stalked back in my sci-fi days. I messaged her, flipping out. “OMG YOU’RE AN AGENT AND YOU LIKE MY WRITING.”
Jen told me if I ever had anything original written, she’d love to see it. I started looking for ideas for a new novel pretty much that day. I ended up revamping one of my long Sherlock fics. It took me the better part of a year, but sent it to her. And then waited.
When she offered to represent me, I ran around my living room screaming before saying yes. 🙂 Within six months, she’d sold that book, The Farther I Fall, and its follow up, As Lost as I Get, to Berkley Intermix. I’m working on a new book as we speak.
I stopped writing for 9 years. I thought I was never going to write again. And within three years of starting again, I published my first novel, at the age of 42.
It is never, ever too late to pick up a dream again.
I’m not professional, but, if I can add onto this amazing story:
I too have always written, probably since I was 5 as well. Somewhere in my mid-late 20s though, I more or less gave up. I told myself it was never going to happen, nobody would ever want to buy my stuff.
Then I did nanowrimo. I had people show interest. I figured if no publisher would pick me up, maybe I could look at self publishing, and finally did in my early 30s. I haven’t sold a lot, but it’s out there.
And I discovered fanfiction, at the age of 34, and fell into that, and yeah it’s fic but i know it’s a helluva lot of practice and people like it and even if I’m never A Professional Author that my stories are out there and people read and enjoy them. I’ve even done some ghostwriting, not really enough to pay the bills, but enough to keep me afloat in hard times.
Let me tell you, the first year I got a tax thing for royalties felt amazing, even if it was only, like $20.
So you can come back to your dreams. And you might find a way to your dreams you didn’t expect. 5 year old me barely knew what a computer was and the Internet wasn’t a Thing, but now it is and here I am.
Also? I should be graduating college in December. At 37. I don’t know how much my degree will help me, but I’ve learned a lot about screenwriting and that’s another avenue I can explore in my writing.
I’ve found that if you truly have a dream, it never quite goes away. Sometimes you need a break, you need to recharge, or go do something else for a while, but it’s always there, waiting, and you don’t need to make yourself crazy pursuing it.
AO3 Filters Fic Meme
I was tagged by @jaimistoryteller
This should be fun..
1. What’s your first and second most common work ratings? Any surprises?
- Explicit (230)
- General Audiences (40)
Not surprised. It tends to be porn or gen, though there are also 35 M fics, so that’s close to the gen numbers.
2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?
- No Archive Warnings Apply (261)
- Rape/Non-Con (1)
I like to think I’m fairly adventurous? But maybe not. At least I try to have variety.
3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences?
- M/M (305)
- Gen (20)
- Multi (19)
- Other (2)
- F/M (2)
That’s not surprising. Well, I’m a little surprised I have more gen than multi, but it’s practically a tie. I def prefer writing m/m ships. Hell, of the F/M fics, one is omegaverse with evil alpha Mary, and the other is Anthea pegging Greg.
4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?
- Sherlock (TV) (252)
- Torchwood (73)
- Supernatural (50)
- Doctor Who (19)
I tend to stick with a fandom. The only reason Supernatural is so high is because I tag my Superwood fics with it. Same with Torchwood. I’ve only got a handful of purely Supernatural or Torchwood fics.
5. What are your top 4 character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?
- Sherlock Holmes (188)
- John Watson (183)
- Greg Lestrade (90)
- Mycroft Holmes (86)
- Jack Harkness (75)
It’s says 4, but i’m throwing Jack in there for reasons. And this isn’t the least bit surprising to me. Jack’s still my fave, but I know I haven’t written as much with him. (though should it be 76, for the jack/jack fic?) I am a little surpised there’s a bit more Greg then Mycroft, but it’s close.
6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?
- Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot (190)
- Anal Sex (108)
- Top John Watson (26)
- Ficlet (24)
Sounds like a party to me…
7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?
Looks like there’s 14 incomplete, which seems off, but eh. I might not ever finish that kidnapped Hamish fic from 3 years ago, and I want to scrap and restart ‘it doesn’t usually start with a wedding’, but yeah, I mean, I always intend to finish.
Which reminds me I need to write and post the next foundling chapter.
Bonus: Top 4 pairings? Any surprises? (this wasn’t part of the original but I wanted to)
- Sherlock Holmes/John Watson (152)
- Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade (55)
- Castiel (Supernatural)/Jack Harkness (26)
- Jack Harkness/Sam Winchester (10)
And no, not that surprised at all.
Tag 5 people: @consultingcaitlin, @chasingriversong, @snogbox1, @awabubbles, @jazzforthecaptain
AO3 Filters Fic Meme
I was tagged by @jaimistoryteller
This should be fun..
1. What’s your first and second most common work ratings? Any surprises?
- Explicit (230)
- General Audiences (40)
Not surprised. It tends to be porn or gen, though there are also 35 M fics, so that’s close to the gen numbers.
2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?
- No Archive Warnings Apply (261)
- Rape/Non-Con (1)
I like to think I’m fairly adventurous? But maybe not. At least I try to have variety.
3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences?
- M/M (305)
- Gen (20)
- Multi (19)
- Other (2)
- F/M (2)
That’s not surprising. Well, I’m a little surprised I have more gen than multi, but it’s practically a tie. I def prefer writing m/m ships. Hell, of the F/M fics, one is omegaverse with evil alpha Mary, and the other is Anthea pegging Greg.
4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?
- Sherlock (TV) (252)
- Torchwood (73)
- Supernatural (50)
- Doctor Who (19)
I tend to stick with a fandom. The only reason Supernatural is so high is because I tag my Superwood fics with it. Same with Torchwood. I’ve only got a handful of purely Supernatural or Torchwood fics.
5. What are your top 4 character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?
- Sherlock Holmes (188)
- John Watson (183)
- Greg Lestrade (90)
- Mycroft Holmes (86)
- Jack Harkness (75)
It’s says 4, but i’m throwing Jack in there for reasons. And this isn’t the least bit surprising to me. Jack’s still my fave, but I know I haven’t written as much with him. (though should it be 76, for the jack/jack fic?) I am a little surpised there’s a bit more Greg then Mycroft, but it’s close.
6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?
- Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot (190)
- Anal Sex (108)
- Top John Watson (26)
- Ficlet (24)
Sounds like a party to me…
7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?
Looks like there’s 14 incomplete, which seems off, but eh. I might not ever finish that kidnapped Hamish fic from 3 years ago, and I want to scrap and restart ‘it doesn’t usually start with a wedding’, but yeah, I mean, I always intend to finish.
Which reminds me I need to write and post the next foundling chapter.
Bonus: Top 4 pairings? Any surprises? (this wasn’t part of the original but I wanted to)
- Sherlock Holmes/John Watson (152)
- Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade (55)
- Castiel (Supernatural)/Jack Harkness (26)
- Jack Harkness/Sam Winchester (10)
And no, not that surprised at all.
Tag 5 people: @consultingcaitlin, @chasingriversong, @snogbox1, @awabubbles, @jazzforthecaptain
Me: Creating a story in my head and trying to write it down.
