I know there’s a lot of John Barrowman spam here right now. I’m just kinda fangirling out. So, again, thanks for putting up with me…

So just something personal, you can skip if  you want.

I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for a long time. And it’s only got worse over the last year or two. So I finally got myself a therapist and she recommended I try medication in addition to the therapy

So about two weeks ago I started Wellbutrin. And it’s helping a LOT. I didn’t realized how stressed and anxious I was all the time until I wasn’t. I still have worries  and things, but I don’t feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I can handle things instead of hiding. I’ve had some stuff come up this week in addition to PMS and while I’m still working with it, I’m not freaking out like I might have a month ago. I’m not snapping at my spouse for no good reason. I’m actually smiling and laughing more.

I know medication isn’t for everyone, but, at least so far, this is making a helluva difference for me (and my family, by extension). If could handle a 14 hour drive (each way) and family issues and not argue once the entire time, then I know something good is going on.

Arrived safe. 782 miles. Thirteen hours and thirty minutes with stops for lunch and dinner. And in three days we get to drive back.

And they don’t have internet (staying with family) so I’m limited to the mobile for now.

Got a tooth pulled this morning. Ended up watching a bit of supernatural while we waited for the numbing to kick in. That felt strangely appropriate…

It still bugs me for some reason that Ianto Jones was younger then me. Yes fictional character, but still…

Comicpalooza recap. This is gonna get long, so below the cut:

We drove down Thursday. The cheap hotel was crap, but it was only one night. And we were glad we did because we were able to get an early start and get to the con early Friday to get our badges

Friday

Got our badges, went over to starbucks inside the convention center. That was when I was making friends with some random whovians while roommate plotted murder. The dealers room opened at noon for everybody, so we made our way down there to get the lay of the land before grabbing some lunch. I decided to go on and get James Marsters autograph so I went over to that line. I waited about an hour or so, but that’s because James was super friendly and chatting with everyone. The gal in front of me was extra super excited so that was neat. And James handed me m&ms after we chatted. So, I’ve been fed candy by James Marsters, kind of. And i got video of him talking about John that I’ll post later. 

I wanted to go to Carole Barrowman’s panel about writing for Doctor Who/Torchwood, but ended up missing it due to waiting for James. worth it though. Met up with our other two friends that drove down, got settled in our next hotel room, had dinner and went to a live showing of Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog. 

Saturday

This was the crazy day. Clark Gregg was only going to be there for that one day, so that was roommates focus. I had Time Lord VIP so i got into the dealers room early and hopped into John’s line with my bunnies (ha). Got the bunnies signed, then headed over to Carole and got my book signed.

Went back to the room so I wouldn’t be carrying a hardcover all day, then turned around and made Paul McGann’s panel. He was really nice and gracious. Got out of there and met up with roommate who was in line for Clark Gregg’s photo op. The line wasn’t moving and i figured I had a couple minutes, so I darted over to autographs to see if I could snag a doctor. Managed Colin Baker’s autograph just as she frantically texted me that the line was moving. Thanked him and hurried back over. Clark Gregg asked my name and shook my hand (nice grip) and the photo op was quickly over.

Grabbed lunch and I knew my John Barrowman photo op was coming up soon with the other two. They actually went ahead and got in line, and told me to make sure I ate and not rush over, so that was nice of them. Got back to the photo op line. With my time lord VIP we got through pretty quick and it’s a nice photo. Also I had my hand on his butt, even if you can’t see, so there is that.

After that we headed up to get in line for John’s panel. Again, the Time Lord VIP proved it’s worth as after a long wait (i think i waited about an hour and a half), I ended up 2nd row for the panel. John was hysterical, like usual, even if it got started late due to some disorganization. At the end he showed off his batman undies.

Got out of there, grabbed Billy Dee Williams autograph, then had dinner and hung out in the hotel room pretty much the rest of the night. I hadn’t slept well the previous two nights, so I was quite glad to sleep hard.

Sunday

This was probably my favorite day. Breakfast, got over to the con, again, used the VIP to get in early to the dealers room and lined up for John. Got my other two autographs from him. He smiled when I mentioned superwood. Had a little more time, so I went over to get Sylvester McCoy’s autograph. Then I went to get Paul McGann’s autograph. When he saw I had the Dark Eyes picture he went “oh, here,” and handed me his sonic. The actual WETA made, production sonic. I held it, took the photo and thanked him profusely. Then walked away very quietly flailing. 

Ran into my other friends. One was dressed as Ianto, so we got a couple pictures and got a picture taken by a Torchwood fan. They decided to head over to find the line for the Barrowman photo op for their individual pics. I was going to wander some more, but ended up heading that way as I had photos with Paul McGann and Peter Davison.

Hung out there for a while as the front of the line. Was first in with Peter and second in for Paul. Peter was just a quick standard photo, but Paul McGann had brought his sonic so I got to handle it again along with my roommate. Also Paul McGann in skinny jeans is no bad thing.

After that, roomate and I hunted down some lunch before I headed up for John and Carole Barrowman’s panel. That one was considered a lit panel so I was told Time Lords had no power there. Still got a decent seat. It started off fun and I squeed when John literally started talking about how Carole could have ‘the j-boys but misha is MINE’ and proceeded to sing and dance around the table about mishaman. Unfortunately the next question was a bit rude basically along the lines of did Miracle Day really need to show so much gay sex and John went full defensive and pretty much ranted for a solid minute about how yes, it absolutely did and how important it was. I don’t think the person meant to offend but obviously John took it quite personal. The rest of the panel, thankfully went much better and at the end of it colin, peter and sylvester crashed it and told John and Carole to get off stage as they were next.

A lot of us were a bit ticked because we had to clear the room between John and Carole  and the four doctors, so anyone who had a good seat for the first one didn’t get to keep it. I didn’t have a terrible seat for either one, and I was there, so that was the most important thing. Apparently it was the first time they’d had four doctors on one stage in America in 25 years. The first part of the panel was great, but when they opened it up to questions it was a lot of “can i get a hug” type stuff which, yeah i understand but that’s not the time or place for it. It was still interesting and at one point Paul picked up Sylvester’s hat and took a selfie while the others weren’t paying attention to him, lol. They each talked about how they got the role and Colin gave his comment about he never regenerated so these two (Sylvester and Paul) were impostors. Sylvester cracked about how Colin couldn’t be bothered to show up for work.

One of the questions was if they doctor could go anywhere they haven’t yet and one of them said “the early 1900s to make sure Michael Grade’s parents didn’t meet” (the man who cancelled who in the late 80s), another one said Jerusalem around the first century and get some answers.

After the panel I rushed back down to get in line for Peter’s autograph as he was the last doctor I needed. I told him he was my first Doctor and that the Fiveish Doctors was the better 50th anniversary special.

We got dinner, got settled in our last hotel room and then headed over to where James Marsters was singing. He apparently started early cause by the time we got there he was at least half-done, but at least I got to hear him sing (and oh my god was it hot).

Monday

I was nursing a blister by this point and we’d pretty much done what we wanted. Still, we had four day badges, so, we headed over one more time. I again went in early. Roommate had seen one of Carole’s panels and was interested in the Hollow Earth books, so I went over to the Barnes and Noble booth (of course B&N had a booth) and grabbed copy to get signed. I hadn’t seen John Scalzi but they had autographed copies of his books, so I got one of those for me. Hung out and talked with a Dr Who group from Austin for a little bit then met up with her and we went over to get her book signed by Carole. I was thinking about getting a photo with James Marsters, but he wasn’t there and she’d mentioned wanted to talk to Paul McGann, then got nervous ’cause she only wanted to talk, but I dragged her over since his line was short and she got to talk to him for a minute and shake his hand, so that was cool. We went and browsed the fanart before heading back to see about James again. The sign said noon, but then it turned out he had a panel at noon, so I said, okay “i got 20 bucks, let’s see about Carey Elwes.” Went over there and got that photo instead. He was also quite nice and complimented both of us.

After that we got lunch and hit the road back to Killeen.

In Summary

Overall we had a good time. Few hiccups and glitches, but that happens at any con. I was very, very glad I got the time lord VIP as that was worth every dollar I spent on it. I got to meet a bunch of doctors and handle a real sonic screwdriver. John Barrowman showed us his underpants. Cary Elwes complimented me and I discovered a newfound love for James Marsters. I’m a bit tempted to go see John again in August in San Antonio, but we’ll see about funds. And I’m definitely going to go Austin Comic Con in October.

If you actually read this far, thanks for sticking with me and putting up with the con spam this weekend. Also hello to the new followers as well!

So I saw my new counselor today.

I think I already like her more than any other counselor I’ve seen. She hit the nail on the head as far as some of my self-sabotage behaviors go and we discussed why I’m getting anxiety now and didn’t before and other things. She wants my first homework assignment to be going to a regular doc about depression meds. “We can definitely work on things, but it’ll be harder if we’re also fighting a chemical imbalance.”

Plus I am amused that instead of ‘keep calm and carry on,’ she had a small sign that said ‘get angry and throw things.’

I feel like I gained a level in adulthood today.

My bills are paid. I have an appointment next week with a counselor and also the dentist. My performance differential (pay raise tied to performance) started today. My direct deposit towards savings kicked in today as well. There is still money in the bank and nothing I have to sweat about paying until next months rent.

Tomorrow I’ll get my car inspected and an oil change.

Woo.

Woo I got my laptop back! *pets it*

And they replaced the whole keyboard, so it’s almost like a new laptop.

The fic i just posted is my 175th fic. What the hell am I doing with myself?

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