i know most people with depression (and likely other mental illnesses) who have been to therapists are already familiar with this concept but i just want to bring it up as something that i have personally found helpful and want to recommend to others
FIND HEALTHY COPING…
You can be depressed and not feel sad or blue. Depression can also be a haze of sleepiness, distractedness/obsessiveness cycles, and a twinge of irritability that can be hard to recognize because you might already be a “fiery” person. It can feel like a lazy Sunday that keeps imposing itself for weeks or months.
Can we just… I’ll leave this here.
The worst part about mental illness is that doubt that you have it. Like yeah I have a professional diagnosis and I get panic attacks and anxiety attacks for no reason and yeah I sometimes can’t even function enough to get out of bed in the morning but what if I’m just faking for attention??
Everybody look at this post and the notes on it and realise that telling mentally ill people they’re just attention-seeking fakers is a really shitty, gross thing to do.
I think one of the worst parts of mental illness is when you can recognize you’re being irrational and your thoughts and feelings have no logical source….but you still can’t help it.
And then people cap it off by telling you you you’ve got no reason to feel a way.
Like “Yeah thanks I had no idea…”
More random stuff about me and my life here
One of the things I’ve struggled with forever is money. It’s been paycheck to paycheck pretty much my whole adult life. I’ve tried various methods, but nothing ever stuck for long. I’d tried YouNeedABudget (ynab) before and liked it, but couldn’t stick with it.
Well, again, meds, I started using the YNAB software again last month. This month I ended the month with money in the bank. It’s budgeted places, but there’s money in the bank. There wasn’t any scrambling to find 5 bucks to put in the tank 3 days before payday.
I’m still not perfect about things. And I’m still trying to train hubby to look at the ynab app instead of the bank account, but it’s better!
Random personal stuff below the cut, school and things, feel free to skip
I’m like, super proud of myself right now. Classes started again for me yesterday. For the record, I go to Arizona State University online, and each class is 7.5 weeks, so if you fall behind, you’re pretty much screwed. You take two classes at a time.
Last year I fucked up majorly. And I realize now that I was fighting pretty bad depression for a lot of it.
But now I’m on the meds. Yes I’m going to keep talking about them. My focus is so much better and I’m using the tools I need to use to get things done. Nowdothis helps me focus on one task at a time. I installed a site blocker to make sure I stay off tumblr and logged off of Skype. I started using the Cornell Method to take notes, and oh my goodness I should have been doing this a long time ago.
80 minute lecture for my film class, and I actually watched the whole thing, taking notes and not doing anything else. When the instructor suggested a break halfway through, I got up, pulled clean clothes from the dryer and folded them, then went back to the lecture. I got everything done for both classes for this first half week. Even if it took around 4+ hours and now it’s 1am.
I also did a 20 minute tidy on my kitchen and desk.
If this is my new normal, I’m not going to argue about it. Next week I’m back on my 11-8 shift, so I’m going to try and get at least some of the readings done in the mornings. Also Sundays i’m going to watch the films for my class, if anyone’s interested I might stream them.
Nearly everyone with ADHD answers an emphatic yes to the question: “Have you always been more sensitive than others to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short?” This is the definition of a condition called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. When I ask ADHDers to elaborate on it, they say: “I’m always tense. I can never relax. I can’t just sit there and watch a TV program with the rest of the family. I can’t turn my brain and body off to go to sleep at night. Because I’m sensitive to my perception that other people disapprove of me, I am fearful in personal interactions.” They are describing the inner experience of being hyperactive or hyper-aroused. Remember that most kids after age 14 don’t show much overt hyperactivity, but it’s still present internally, if you ask them about it.
The emotional response to the perception of failure is catastrophic for those with the condition. The term “dysphoria” means “difficult to bear,” and most people with ADHD report that they “can hardly stand it.” They are not wimps; disapproval hurts them much more than it hurts neurotypical people.
If emotional pain is internalized, a person may experience depression and loss of self-esteem in the short term. If emotions are externalized, pain can be expressed as rage at the person or situation that wounded them.
In the long term, there are two personality outcomes. The person with ADHD becomes a people pleaser, always making sure that friends, acquaintances, and family approve of him. After years of constant vigilance, the ADHD person becomes a chameleon who has lost track of what she wants for her own life. Others find that the pain of failure is so bad that they refuse to try anything unless they are assured of a quick, easy, and complete success. Taking a chance is too big an emotional risk. Their lives remain stunted and limited.
For many years, rejection-sensitive dysphoria has been the hallmark of what has been called atypical depression. The reason that it was not called “typical” depression is that it is not depression at all but the ADHD nervous system’s instantaneous response to the trigger of rejection.
“Devastated by Disapproval” – William Dodson, M.D., ADDitude Magazine
I did both of those two personality outcomes. Magic or something, I guess. -J
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My life just suddenly made so much more sense. Jesus Christ.
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