The thing I hate most about depression is that it tricks you into thinking you don’t have depression. It makes you think that nothing is wrong with you, that you just feel this way because you lack value as a person. Whether that’s in your relationships, your academics, or a view of yourself, it makes you think you aren’t good enough for any of that.
“It’s not the illness,” it says, “You feel this way because it’s who you are.”
so it kind of seems like there’s a really polar disparity between the two tones of public expressions of experience with mental wellness and mental illness i see most often, like, either someone is really and truly suffering in a lasting and difficult to combat sort of way and needs to talk about it, or someone has come out the other side of that kind of situation and everything is !!! wonderful! and while both of these are important and valid experiences to share, and i’ve been on either end of this spectrum, i feel like there’s another part of this experience that doesn’t get as much play and is actually kind of important to hear
i suffer from mental illness and have spent the last year of my life getting my shit together surrounding that particular part of me. and things got better slowly, and then they got really good, really great, even, for a long time, and i was a very big advocate of sharing my experience in the hope it might help others, and i still am
but also want to call attention to right now: i’m kinda having a shitty year so far, yeah we’re only two months in but it’s just not been Great, and there are some days when things happen that really get me anxious and upset. thing is, after all the work i did to get to the really amazing place, this place is actually kinda bearable
like, by no means is it pleasurable or somewhere i aim to stay, but my ability to absorb, process, react, and respond to negative situations is So Much Improved by my journey toward mental wellness. for the first time i’m facing the kinds of things that, while they might have sent me to bed for a week a few years ago, i’m able to bounce back from really quickly, try to move toward positive progress and get myself out of a bad situation
anyway just like, here’s some verbal vomit about what happens after you do all the Work to get better, and still, life gives you shit. you’ve already given yourself the backup and support you need to deal with Shit when it inevitably reemerges
i just want to second this. This last year was really hard but I handled it so much better then I would have Before. And things are still rough, I had two wonderful crying bouts today and i’ve been having trouble getting out of bed. But I also know that it will get better and it’s just my brain acting up plus stress.
Thirding this, because even with medication and therapy moving me past random crying bouts and suicidal ideation, it’s still tough because dealing with mental illness is all too often a constant process. One thing gets dealt with, more pop up in its place like the worst kind of mental hydra.
I find the best way to deal with the bad days is to look back and say ‘well, at least I’ve made a little progress’. Not always applicable to everyone, but…yeah.
so it kind of seems like there’s a really polar disparity between the two tones of public expressions of experience with mental wellness and mental illness i see most often, like, either someone is really and truly suffering in a lasting and difficult to combat sort of way and needs to talk about it, or someone has come out the other side of that kind of situation and everything is !!! wonderful! and while both of these are important and valid experiences to share, and i’ve been on either end of this spectrum, i feel like there’s another part of this experience that doesn’t get as much play and is actually kind of important to hear
i suffer from mental illness and have spent the last year of my life getting my shit together surrounding that particular part of me. and things got better slowly, and then they got really good, really great, even, for a long time, and i was a very big advocate of sharing my experience in the hope it might help others, and i still am
but also want to call attention to right now: i’m kinda having a shitty year so far, yeah we’re only two months in but it’s just not been Great, and there are some days when things happen that really get me anxious and upset. thing is, after all the work i did to get to the really amazing place, this place is actually kinda bearable
like, by no means is it pleasurable or somewhere i aim to stay, but my ability to absorb, process, react, and respond to negative situations is So Much Improved by my journey toward mental wellness. for the first time i’m facing the kinds of things that, while they might have sent me to bed for a week a few years ago, i’m able to bounce back from really quickly, try to move toward positive progress and get myself out of a bad situation
anyway just like, here’s some verbal vomit about what happens after you do all the Work to get better, and still, life gives you shit. you’ve already given yourself the backup and support you need to deal with Shit when it inevitably reemerges
i just want to second this. This last year was really hard but I handled it so much better then I would have Before. And things are still rough, I had two wonderful crying bouts today and i’ve been having trouble getting out of bed. But I also know that it will get better and it’s just my brain acting up plus stress.
It’s called Booster Buddy, it’s free, and it’s available for both Android and iOS.
It works by giving you ‘quests’ (daily tasks) that you are encouraged to complete each day. They are very small things and it caters to you (it asks you questions at the start about what you struggle with).
It’s designed to be child friendly and easy to understand. I’m finding it really helpful. You can also input medication times for a reminder and emergency contact details.
I love this app and I had to share it with you all!
First of all, Depression Lies. It tells you that you’re weak and unworthy and terrible and that you’re never going to be able to get out from under it.
Depression lies like that because it wants to protect itself and keep on controlling your life.
Depression is a dick, and I want to encourage you to listen to your therapist and let him or her help you.
Now I want you to imagine that you have a fever, and your whole body hurts, and you’ve been coughing up all sorts of awful gunk for days. You’re miserable, so you go to the doctor.
The doctor says, “oh, you have this terrible infection in your body, so I’m going to give you some medicine to help your body get better, and some other medicine to help you not suffer while your body works on that.”
Imagine that you then say, “I don’t want to do that, because I feel sort of broken if I take those medications. I feel like I’m weak or something, and if I take those medications that you know will help me feel better, I’m admitting that my body needs some help so I can stop suffering. I think I’ll keep on suffering and hope it gets better.”
Or you go to your doctor because you’ve been feeling crummy and she runs some tests and she says, “Well, it turns out that you have diabetes, but you’re in luck! You can take some medicine, and it’ll treat it. You’ll probably have to take it for a long time, maybe even your whole life, but you’ll get well and feel better!”
Do you say, “No, I think I’ll just deal with it,” and continue suffering?
Of course not! You would treat any illness with medication if you could, and you’d put a cast on a broken leg and walk with crutches if you needed to, because walking on a broken leg really really really hurts, and you don’t need to suffer through that pain!
Mental illness is exactly the same as a physical illness. Your body has something that’s out of whack – in our case, it’s how our brains handle neurochemicals and stuff – and there’s medication that can help us help ourselves feel better.
You’re not broken, and you’re not weak, and if you’re now thinking that you’re worse than you thought you were? Well, that’s really awesome, because it means that you recognize that your brain needs some help to get healthy, and your doctor is there to help you do that.
It takes courage to take the chance on medication, and the first one you try may not work, because brains are all different and incredibly complicated, but something will work, and you will feel better, and you will be so glad that you took the step to take care of yourself.
Please check in with me in a month or so, and let me know how you’re doing.
Today marks a big day for me. I’m finally starting the steps to get my son an “official diagnosis” for whatever special needs he has. The past 8 years have been rough. I never thought parenting would be like this.
Once, when I was pregnant, I sat at a conference with a mother who used her son’s ADHD diagnosis to excuse all of his behaviors. As a professional who has worked with hundreds (literally) of kids with special needs, I have been trained how to make accommodations. I had accommodated her child just fine, but he simply didn’t want to do anything and used his disability as a crutch. I finally told her that I was done with the conference and that if she had other issues with me she could take it up with the superintendent or principal.
I was 8 months pregnant at the time, and as she left the table, she said acidly, “I hope YOUR baby has a disability so you know what it’s like.”
Well, 8 years later, that baby has problems. He’s had problems since he was born. I hate labels, and I would hope never to “excuse” my child’s actions by blaming it solely on a diagnosis. But perhaps I have a better idea now what it’s like to fail at parenting even though you try really, really hard.
Off to the child psychologist now. Wish me luck.
Good luck, darling!
You know I’ve got two ADD kids of my own, and the older one Aspie as well. It’s HARD. The hardest part is knowing what’s their disability and what’s just them being recalcitrant or lazy. So far, all their teachers have been awesome (at least, they try hard and they work with me and they’re open to communication, and I really can’t ask for better than that.) But we do butt heads over whether it’s ‘laziness’ or ‘disorder’.
I’m having trouble with Phoenix right now, who’s in 5th grade and having a terrible time doing his homework. (Seriously, sometimes it takes us 2 hours to do 6 minutes worth of homework.) His teacher pushes pretty hard, which is tough to take. But I DO have to admit that he’s performing better for her than I would have predicted (which means some of it IS voluntary, and he’s just accustomed to taking advantage of me.)
This is exacerbated by the fact that 5 years ago, when Phoenix first got sick with the CIDP, he was paralyzed and we literally thought it would gradually extend to his lungs and heart and KILL HIM (thanks, you motherfucking doctor who should have kept your fucking mouth shut). I am FAR more protective of Phoenix and his limits, I think, than I would be if I’d never actively thought I’d lose him; and this gives him a lot of leeway in pushing me to see how much I’ll do for him.
It’s not an easy path.
However, an official diagnosis has helped IMMEASURABLY with both my children. Both in my own ability to rein in my frustration and rearrange my expectations, and in their teachers’ boundaries and expectations. The accommodations in the IEP and the annual meetings with teachers/principal/sp.ed. teachers helps keep everyone on the same page, and it’s invaluable. So don’t be upset, no matter what the result may be.
And here’s this about Aspies in my life. My husband is one (I suspect), and he’s what I fondly call the “Aspie Wrangler” at his company for those who are a little more severe than he is. They, every single one of them, are well-paid, well-respected and in an environment that accommodates their needs without it ever having to be spelled out. (This is in software design, which seems to attract the type.) I’m sure they cry over their ‘disability’ all the way to the bank, and then home to their wife and kids, ya know?
I’ve often thought that Benedict Cumberbatch was affected by ADHD in his youth, and look where he is now. Look at Richard Branson. Look at Adam Levine and Justin Timberlake (ADD + OCD, which is a doozy). Just, having a diagnosis, any diagnosis, doesn’t apply limits. It just helps you to understand what’s going on better, and to open up opportunities that you might otherwise know nothing about.
I’m not a parent, but I am a 37 year old adult that was finally diagnosed with depression and ADHD a couple years ago, and recently realized that yes, I absolutely have inattentive ADHD.
I can’t go back in time and make someone realize sooner or change my past, but I will tell you that hard as I’m sure it is, your kid will know you cared and you tried.
I’m not blaming my parents – ADHD wasn’t as well known when I was young, especially in girls – but I do sometimes wonder how much different my life would have been.
Good luck with everything and I’m sure it will work out, one way or another
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That’s what you do with Depression, you mask the symptoms. The symptoms of Depression IS depression, it’s not a symptom of something else. It’s not like you go “oooh, I feel really sad” and then your arse falls off. The symptoms of Depression is depression. You take away the symptoms of Depression HALLOOOOO! you’re cured! But Tom [Cruise] was like “no, no, no Matt. Matt, these drugs Matt, these drugs they’re just a crutch, these drugs are just a crutch!” and I’m thinking “yes?”. THEY’RE A CRUTCH! You don’t walk up to a guy with one leg and say “hey pal, that crutch is just a crutch, THROW IT AWAY! Hop ya bastard! That crutch is masking the symptoms of your one leggedness”.
Craig Ferguson on Tom Cruise attacking Brooke Shields for using anti-depressants to fight Post-Partum Depression. (via themarriageofadeadblogsing)
I have always thought Craig Ferguson was a very smart man. It appears I was right.
400% of mental illness is thinking this is probably just how hard life is for everyone and you just can’t handle it because you’re a whiny baby who isn’t trying hard enough.
Concept: Maybe “neurotypicals” who consistently reblog post about autism and other mental disorders and illnesses because they relate to them actually aren’t neurotypical, and just don’t know it.
Even the ones who say, “But everyone does this!” might only be saying it because they do it, and therefore think everyone does, when that’s not the reality.
Like, I remember someone who very obviously had OCD saying, “Everyone gets constant, upsetting intrusive thoughts, and does things to make them go away! It’s normal!” and everyone who responded to them were like, “Uh… No, it’s really not. You have a mental illness.”
I hate how everyone is so quick to assume anyone who relates to their posts without having every aspect of their mental state listed on their blog is obviously an evil, appropriating neurotypical. Maybe they are technically neurotypical, but have one or two traits associated with whatever form of neurodivergence. Maybe they’re neurodivergent and just don’t feel like listing it. Maybe they think they’re neurotypical, and are in the process of realising that they actually aren’t.
Please don’t be so quick to judge. This gatekeeping helps no one.
This is an extremely important point.
I know at least one trans person who didn’t realize they were trans until they were talking about how much they relate to trans things. Only, it was in the context of being dismissive of trans people. “Oh, sure, of course you prefer those pronouns. Everyone does.” But that wasn’t a cis person being dismissive of trans experiences; it was a trans person not understanding that they were trans.
Same thing with a lot of mental illness stuff.
Honestly, if you relate to an experience, you have the experience. Doesn’t matter whether you have it for the same reason someone else does.
On a similar note that I was thinking about recently: perhaps some neurodivergent people who are dismissed by their parents have neurodivergent parents who don’t know it. Like, if your mom says “everyone has that” when you tell her about your depression, there’s a decent chance that she’s not minimizing you, she just has depression herself and doesn’t realize it.
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Women with ADHD often end up with low self esteem, with anxiety, with depression. and we tend to believe that all of our symptoms are personal faults
