im putting together a couple of scottish folk mixes bc that’s what i do and im honestly curious if anyone in my country has ever been unequivocally happy about anything ever
scottish trad music genres:
Everyone I Love Is Dead
The English Have Stolen All My Sheep
You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You Must Answer These Riddles Three
The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep
I Love You A Lot But You’ve Left Me And It’s Raining [fiddle solo]
The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The English
One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched Me In The Face And It Was Awesome
The Fairies Have Stolen All My Sheep
We have of course the traditional Irish music genres to go with them:
* Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical Representation of Ireland
* The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep On It
* You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won’t Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain)
* Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good They’ve Stopped Listening Now Let’s Talk About Revolution
* Something In Irish, I Think It’s About Fairies, Or Maybe A Cow
oooo can I add to this? don’t forget Appalachian folk balladry, the American cousin of Scottish and Irish traditional music and just as uplifting as its Anglo-Saxon highland forbears!!!
genres include:
I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn’t Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A Mean Jug
The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet, We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was Killed
You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too)
Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She’s Weary Of Our Shit And Now She’s Dyin’ (Gather Round)
The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From Our Pile So We Won’t Rest Until The Last Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold Ground
We Knew The River Would Rise But We Still Didn’t Fix The Levee
The River Rose, The Levee Broke, Everyone Died, It Was Just As We Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang)
When The Rebels Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Northern Man And I Feed Their Horses What The Rebels Left
The Tennessee Valley Authority Killed All My Sheep Somehow
Don’t forget that old standby “The Mine Collapsed and Everyone Died”!
I think someone needs to put in a word for the English folk tradition though:
I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)
I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)
I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)
I Met a Girl By Staying At Her Parents’ House and She Made My Bed (It Was an Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex)
I Am a Girl and I Regret Engaging In Metaphors for Sex Because Now I’m Pregnant
I Met a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It
I Met a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non-Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis
Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or Waterloo, Let’s Get Married, I’m Glad You Said No Because I’m Really Him In Disguise
Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome
The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the Important Men in My Life (And Now They Are Dead)
Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth And Are Never Grindingly Poor
Begging Is a Completely Viable Career Option With Flexible Hours and Unlimited Access to Alcohol
OH GOD HELP ME I AM LAUGHING SO HARD I CANNOT BREATHE
(plus I know every variant of each and every one of these songs and I’ll send you the links if you want)
Jeez, you guys left off
“I Am A Gambler Who Will Come To No Good End”
“Cuckoos Are Extremely Interesting Birds, But Alas I Am A Gambler Who Will Come To No Good End (Cuckoo Solo)”
“I Was A Cowboy And Then Everyone Died So I Came Home”
and that old favorite, “My Boyfriend Left Me So I Dressed Up As A Man And Shot His Cheating Ass.”
There is also a peculiar Southern variant that seems to be “My Horse Is Extremely Fast And Also Sexy And Then I Met A Woman On An Equally Sexy Horse And Married Her.” That one worries me a little.
attn petermorwood (”ahem, somebody left this bonny black hare running around loose in here…”)
If there was a zombie apocalypse the best place to go would be Target.
Lets look at the facts:
Targets have at maximum 3 windows. And those windows are also doors. Otherwise they are giant concrete cinder-blocks of prison like retail.
Target is filled with things to quickly barricade those window-doors. such as entire gazebos, lawn furniture, exercise equipment, etc.
From that point forward all you have to do is worry about the zombies that are inside.
Target has an intercom system, which if accessed by the correct people can be used to quickly spread information and mobilize people to get things done.
Target has a large section of both perishable and non perishable food items.
Target also has a vast entertainment section. (how many societies have collapsed due to conflict spurred by stress and boredom. HOW MANY)
Target’s roof can be easily accessed for surveillance, gathering of rainwater (with the many buckets and mini pools target has. and all water can be boiled in the Starbucks kitchen) and sniping.
Target’s insulation would make the harsh winter months significantly more bearable.
Before the power goes out, Target has sun lights (which is why its not sad inside like in so many other stores… cough Sears cough) so people who have SAD won’t get depressed. Also, Target is large and designed to feel homey so people wont go stir crazy as fast like they do in jails.
When the power goes out, Target has large industrial generators that can be turned on in emergencies like for cooking.
Speaking of cooking, Target has several kitchens inside of it. And once the power goes, guess what Target also sells? Grills.
Target also has a pharmacy. And medical supplies. So, people inside who need meds to function have a hell of a lot longer time to live unencumbered by their illness than they normally would.
Some targets have tools–including power tools.
Target also has a tiny jail. For miscreants and rabble rousers.
Bedding. Real Bedding
Reliable indoor plumbing.
I think you could reasonably live for at least two years inside a Target before completely running out of anything vital– provided food is well rationed. And even so, the only thing you’d be sending out scouts for is food. Everything else would last for ages.
Provided that the population not exceed 200, Target would run out of these things in this order:
perishable food.
electricity
Potable water (that doesn’t require work)
Non perishable pre-made food items
Non perishable food ingredients (flour, mixes, etc)
How to survive in a Target: Action plan.
Undoubtedly, everyone will be rushing and screaming in the Target. First someone has to break into the manager’s office and commandeer the intercom to create some organization by shouting: If you do not want to stay and survive in the Target, leave now.
After that’s cleared up and only interested parties and zombies are left. the barricading can begin. Once the doors and windows are sealed, the new goal is to clear the undead from the usable space.The undead can be deposited neatly outside of the truck loading dock doors.
Then, someone needs to do inventory. For the next week or so, food needs to be arranged by date consumed and a rationing chart should be made. Same applies to medicine and medical supplies and toiletries.
After food and water has been qualified and quantified, remaining time should be dedicated to turning target into a large “home”, Bedding should be laid out in one area, there should be an entertainment area. There should be a separate area for children and babies. All of the clothing should be pushed to the side or placed in the storage area, so there is more livable space.
I’m sure people have more ideas but that’s all I’ve got.
This has been brought to you with love by,
Not gonna die.
The only problem I could see with riding out the apocalypse in a Target is it’s proximity to population and it’s distinct lack of ammunition and general weapons. Targets are generally located in shopping centers or in regions of higher traffic (the one nearest me is literally situated in a population sandwich; stuck between a massive mall and an equally massive housing complex). This could mean one of two things for you; a) more zombies/chosen apocalypse monsters or b) more raiders/people with horrible intentions. We have to remember that this Target does not exist in a vacuum.
Because you have the likelihood of encountering one of these two on a weekly basis, you should start thinking about defense, because those glass doors ain’t gonna hold forever. Target does not sell ammunition, as far as I’ve seen in my research and if you’re lucky, you’ll end up in a store that carries Bear Grylls’ line of “survival knives” (they’re trash imo, but they’ll do the job). Other than that you got baseball bats and whatever large objects you can swing. As soon as you finish inventorying and setting up the ration, you need to focus on defense, because whether you like it or not, some people in apocalypse situations are assholes. Faced with illness, starvation, or danger they will do anything to save themselves or those they care about. If a raider was to get into your hypothetical Target without being detected, the likelihood of them coming back (with friends) will go up. Just as food and water is important, security is too. If you have any intentions of holding that Target, your scouts better be coming back with more than just food and water.
Like I said before, Targets are generally placed in shopping centers. What’s in shopping centers, outside of other shops? Abandoned cars. These now useless machines are gonna be your best friend. Your Target has generators, but generators need fuel,and if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to siphon the gas from these cars to prolong the lifeline of your generators. You can also use them for scrap, reinforcing your doors, or even making weapons. The best thing you can use these cars for though is for creating a perimeter wall. Sure, Target is spacious, but having several secured buildings and a courtyard will greatly boost moral and capacity. You’ll be able to take in more people if you have a solid, secured complex of buildings, adding not only to your population, but your skill reserve as well. Who knows who will wander into your compound, doctors? Mechanics? Hell, maybe even a killer wasteland cook. Not to mention a small gang of raiders will likely be more afraid of a massive colony of people.
Other things that Targets carry:
Gardening supplies, seeds, and fruit bearing plants. Some Targets have a full blown gardening section, and almost all carry some veggie/fruit seeds. These will be vital to restarting your community and maintaining sustainability.
Tools. Outside of being used to fix stuff, these can be used for trading/bargaining.
Clothing. Again, outside of their core use, clothing will rapidly become a commodity that people need. Making sure you have some for trade would be wise.
Household cleaning supplies. Tying into the whole security thing, these cleaning supplies could be useful weapons in a pinch.
Soap.
TOILETRIES IN GENERAL. OH MY GOD, TOILETRIES WILL BE THE MONEY OF THE WASTELAND, MARK MY WORDS. “WHAT, DO YOU WANT THIS AMAZING FOOD BEARING PLANT? THAT’LL BE TWO TOILET PAPER ROLLS, FRIEND.”
Paracord. Generally in the craft section, this glorious cordage will be a life saver. Really great for securing heavy loads that may pose a threat.
TLDR: Target is p good, but security might be a problem. Looking outside of your Target might help you as well, since there will be several resources right outside your doors. Community expansion should also be a priority; the end of the world is not the end of humanity! Once secured, keeping your doors open may provide more useful than you think.
