One of my history professors is this scarily intense German guy, and today we were talking about the peer reviewing process and how vicious some academics can get, so I casually asked him what the worst review he’d ever received was.
He became very stony-faced, looked off into the distance and said, completely deadpan and in his thick accent:
my mom ordered two different pizzas from two different places cause she had coupons and they both got here at the same time so we had a pizza hut delivery guy and a dominos delivery guy both standing by our front door and the dominos guy looks at the pizza hut guy and proceeds to sing Why Can’t We Be Friends? while the pizza hut guy just glares at him
A. Anakin and Padmé were absolutely rubbish at being discreet about their relationship and didn’t even realize it
B. Obi-Wan figured it out himself early on because he isn’t an idiot, and didn’t say anything in the hope that Anakin would eventually tell Obi-Wan himself
C. To make sure Anakin and Padmé’s secret, already poorly-kept by the idiots themselves, didn’t get out to the Council (resulting in Anakin being kicked out of the Order), Obi-Wan found himself having to constantly make distractions for the other Council members when they came close to stumbling upon the truth (which wouldn’t happen so often if you would stop KISSING YOUR SECRET WIFE IN PUBLIC, ANAKIN), including at one point taking Mace Windu out for a beautiful evening at the Galactic Gardens
Mace Windu spends the next few weeks annoyed Obi-Wan hasn’t asked him for a second date.
if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them
teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied
teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…
teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….
teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….
teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.
teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden
teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut
teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …
teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet
teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield
