a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
Ahahahhaha! But you know, I imagine he’d do that more to someone like Fudge, or a seventh year goofing around. He’d be consoling to a weepy first or second year, like, “Hey, look, you just need to reduce the heat and then put in the powdered dragon scales– we’ll start again. Watch.”
Then some seventh year student just mucks up their potion– “You’ve used so much bat wing, Granger is starting a coalition to protect them!”
“There is so much lavender in this cauldron that Brown is starting to look nervous”
AU where McGonagall puts her foot down and says ‘you’re going to give Lily and James and Sirius and Remus and Peter’s boy to WHO?’ and proceeds to destroy every argument Albus has by saying ‘you don’t want him raised so he’s revered and pampered? Fine, give him to me, I’ll raise him.’
She would be strict and firm but Harry would never doubt that he was loved and important; just no more than anyone else.
Mama McGonagall AU 2k15
I’m crying?
Baby Harry growing up on the Hogwarts grounds.
The paintings on Baby Watch when he learns how to crawl.
The ghosts watching him during naptime.
All the teachers reorganizing their class schedules so someone can watch Harry.
Baby Harry and Hagrid.
They’d have to refit the charms on the school when he hits his terrible two’s because he somehow can get the stairs to move at his whim, and he once stranded a group of 5th year Ravenclaws on a landing for two hours.
Four year old Harry *loving* Professor Flitwick and his charms, floating fairy lights and flower fish.
Two year old Harry babbling in Parseltongue and accidentally finding the Chamber of Secrets.
The Quidditch teams argue over who gets to teach Harry how to fly only for McGonagall to find out one day and give ALL of them detention.
Harry catching a big and being miserable and McGonagall shifting into ac cat and curling up and purring next to him to settle him down.
Harry getting to meet Remus.
Harry and PEEVES.
Summer vacations to Scotland, Harry knowing every inch of Hogwarts like the back of his hand, Harry growing up as keeper of Hogwarts from the start.
Harry being utterly destroyed by the idea that when he *really* gets to go to Hogwarts (nevermind he’s been sitting in classes since he was five) he’ll have to choose a House.
Harry at 11, standing in the Great Hall, vehemently denying the Sorting Hat’s attempts to put him anywhere.
Harry Potter as a teen comedy…
Seriously, I will reblog everytime. Whoever did this, I have eternal love for you.
(Source: http://themadeye.tumblr.com/)
do you ever wonder what would have happened if the dursleys had actually managed to hide harry’s identity from him until he turned 17
like dumbledore somehow lost track of them when vernon changed jobs or when they moved houses, and for some reason he just couldn’t find them again
and harry potter the boy who lived grew up attending typical schools and his friends knew that sometimes weird shit would happen around him, but they just thought it was a coincidence or that they were imagining it but slowly they all left him and he grew up even more isolated and angry and so he runs away at 16
and meanwhile voldemort knows harry ran away and that he is out there somewhere, vulnerable, but he’s not in the wizarding world, so his death eaters are wreaking havoc trying to find him
and harry obviously has magical talent but he doesn’t know that, but every child in hogwarts does and they’ve learned about him and now know that he’s just out there somewhere, completely unaware of what’s going to happen to him
and some kids it doesn’t bother, but for others like neville and hermione and luna and ron, it’s horrifying to think that this innocent person who should be in their year is going to be hunted down like this
so they decide to go find him before voldemort or the death eaters can
and harry is in a train station on his way to work and is converged upon by about six people who are trying their hardest to not freak out and tell him that he’s a wizard in grave danger, but they know they have such little time
so instead of the wizarding world finding harry at 12, it finds him at 16 and a half when it’s in a much darker, desperate place
i don’t know i just really like the idea of harry potter joining the wizarding world through a bunch of rebellious hogwarts dropouts hiding throughout england and running from enemies he didn’t know he had and learning magic along the way in dark alleys and through street fights
#ollivander gets kidnapped initially because rumour has it that he gave THE harry potter a wand#and voldemort kidnaps him for information on where potter might be#but oh#oh MY#harry potter has the brother wand to voldemort’s own?#how interesting#and yet voldemort would be weaker#without harry’s first year#he might have gone on rejuvenating himself with quirrel and unicorn blood#and even if he performed a similar ritual as in the fourth book he wouldn’t have harry’s blood in it#he would be vulnerable yet to lily’s love protection#and not even know it#on the other hand#perhaps voldemort regained a body much faster#and harry has been plagued with fantastic and horrific ‘nightmares’ for years#susceptible to voldemort’s will#unprotected from mental invasion because he has little love for anyone he’s met in his life#and
maybe this ragtag band of children has tracked him down in ways only
the most brilliant witch who ALSO has extensive knowledge of the m#and it’s scary and he’s violent with darkness and hatred and self-loathing#fascinated and disbelieving and resentful#but in time he heals and grows#he’s just as dingy and homeless as before#but now he knows his heritage and knows what’s truth and what’s lie#knows there’s at least six other people to stand with him#(i want to believe this au would have room for a draco who saw how horrific voldemort was earlier in his hogwarts years#a draco who shook and trembled and grew pale and who was approached by luna#and convinced to join them (tags via parsethus)reblogging my own post bc these tags are PHENOMENAL and i can’t stop thinking about the ollivander question and what other witches and wizards would step in to help harry and his would-be classmates throughout london
owls keep coming through the alleys they’re hiding in, dropping off poorly wrapped candy and letters of encouragement. streetlamps have small lightning bolts etched into them with “potter lives” scrawled below. sirius made a quick exit from azkaban when the rest of the death eaters escaped two years past, but everyone just assumed he was rejoining voldemort and paid no attention; now a large black dog has been spotted in london, ruthlessly attacking some of voldemort’s strongest supporters.
a hot meal is always left outside the leaky cauldron. sometimes the plates are empty and a few knuts are left, and sometimes it’s still there in the morning, cold and untouched, because it’s an unspoken rule that the food is only for potter and his friends. the children pulled from hogwarts by their parents out of fear leave their schoolbooks on street corners and hermione grabs as many as she can, teaching the rest of their group spells they hadn’t covered yet and better techniques for defense against the dark arts. one day a broomstick shows up, and ron swears the owl is from hogwarts. ginny teaches harry how to fly in empty underground stations.
the summer of his 17th birthday, surrounded by the friends he never thought he could have, harry produces his first corporeal patronus. it’s a stag, and sirius, who has at this point joined them, wells up and explains why.
“Why should I trust you?”
Gryffindor:
Hufflepuff:
Ravenclaw:
Slytherin:
