au in which it isn’t the weasley family walking up to the platform at the same time as harry but the malfoys
I’M SCREAMING, HOLY FUCKING SHIT CAN YOU IMAGINE NARCISSA HELPING BBY HARRY ONTO THE PLATFORM AND DRACO APOLOGIZES FOR WHATEVER HE SAID AT THE ROBE SHOP THAT MADE HARRY UPSET BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS AND LUCIUS IS ALREADY MUTTERING ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF DRACO BECOMING FRIENDS WITH HARRY AND NARCISSA SLAPS HIS SHOULDER AND TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP BECAUSE “LOOK HOW CUTE THEY ARE LUCIUS, DON’T CORRUPT THIS” AND THEY GET A SEAT ON THE TRAIN TOGETHER.
ALSO RON STILL ASKS TO JOIN THEIR CAR BECAUSE “EVERYWHERE ELSE IS FULL” AND DRACO STARTS TO SNEER BECAUSE HE CAN SMELL WEASLEY BUT HARRY IS LIKE “YEAH SURE COME ON IN” AND SO DRACO’S LIKE “OH” AND JUST UGHHHH.
IMAGINE IF HERMIONE WALKED IN AND DRACO WAS ABOUT TO GO “MUDBLOOD”, BUT HE DIDN’T WANT THE FRIENDSHIPS HE MADE TO END SO QUICKLY, SO HE KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT
IMAGINE IF HARRY GOT PUT IN SLYTHERIN WITH DRACO AND PUT INTO THE SAME DORMITORY HOLY HELL MCGONAGALL WOULD HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK BECAUSE OF THE TROUBLESOME POTTER AND MALFOY SNEAKING OUT AT NIGHT WHEN THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED
IMAGINE IF DRACO SEES HERMIONE DOING THE BEST OUT OF ALL THE FIRST YEARS AND REALIZING THAT BLOOD STATUS IS INSIGNIFICANT WHEN IT COMES TO BEING THE BEST AT SOMETHING
IMAGINE DRACO STICKING UP FOR HARRY WHEN SOME PUREBLOOD SLYTHERINS TEASE HIM FOR BEING HALF-BLOOD
IMAGINE DRACO BEING FRIENDS WITH RON, HERMIONE, AND HARRY AND THE FOUR OF THEM CAUSING SHIT UP FOR THE PROFESSORS
IMAGINE IF DRACO INVITES THEM OVER THE SUMMER TO MALFOY MANOR AGAINST HIS FATHER’S WISHES AND HERMIONE SEES HOW DOBBY’S TREATED SO POORLY
IMAGINE IF DRACO SUPPORTS HERMIONE IN HER CAUSE AGAINST ELFISH ABUSE BECAUSE HE FEELS HORRIBLE THAT HE ABUSED DOBBY JUST FROM HIS PARENTS’ ENCOURAGEMENT
BUT WAIT
IMAGINE DRACO AND HARRY FINDING THE MIRROR OF ERISED
AND HARRY SEES HIS DEAD FAMILY
BUT DRACO DOESN’T SEE ANYTHING DIFFERENT
BECAUSE HE FOUND SOMEONE WHO ACCEPTED HIM
AND THAT’S ALL HE EVER WANTED
NOT OKAY GUYS… NOT OKAY
let’s be real if harry was raised by mcgonagall he would not only be the most badass kid at hogwarts, he would be the most polite, and the sweetest, and would probably have neater hair, not to mention he would most likely kill voldemort at age eleven and still meet minerva for tea with the time to spare
harry: mama, just killed a man
minerva: have a biscuit
Apparently J.K Rowling knows the exact process to making a horcrux.
But she hasn’t told anyone and doesn’t plan to yet.
The only person that she has told is her editor, and said that her editor felt like vomiting afterwards.
All she will say is that a certain spell is involved, and then a horrific act is performed.
i want to know what it is so badly
Okay, let’s think about this for a second.
We know that making Horcruxes involves murder. It’s essential. So the “certain spell” is probably Avada Kedavra….with some extra words added to it to use the energy created by the death to split the soul.
What intrigues me is the “horrific act” aspect and the fact that the editor wanted to vomit after hearing it. So what could that be? It can’t just be the act of murder itself, which, as horrifying as that is, is exactly vomit inducing in the grand scheme of things.
So if we take the murder itself out of the equation, what other activity could be considered horrific enough to make someone want to ralph? Well, my warped mind can think of at least two.
1) Necrophilia. Now I don’t actually think this is the answer, but it’s gross enough to make anyone vomit on the spot, so I’m throwing it out there. I just don’t think that’s it at all. My personal theory is…
2) Cannibalism. There are a lot of cultures that believe that to eat the flesh of one’s enemies is take your enemies’ power into yourself. Most specifically the heart, though really any flesh or organs would do. So does Voldemort eat the dead as his “horrific act”? I think this one is the most likely and is grotesque and taboo enough that it turns the stomach.
Also, consider this fact: HIS FOLLOWERS ARE CALLED DEATH EATERS. Hmmm. Weird, right?
There’s an obvious problem in these theories though. If either these acts is essential to creating the Horcrux, HOW DID VOLDEMORT ACCIDENTALLY CREATE A HORCRUX WHEN HE TRIED TO KILL HARRY AS A BABY AND NOT KNOW IT? Voldemort didn’t have time to cannibalize Lily. And he certainly didn’t sexually assault her corpse, thank GOD. So how did he turned Harry into a Horcrux that night in Godric’s Hollow?
Consider this: nowhere in the text does it say that Voldemort’s physical body was found in the wreckage of the Potter’s house. Perhaps when the spell rebounded on him….he…ate himself. Not physically chewed himself up and swallowed, but more in a magical way. Think of it like the house being sucked into the Other Side at the end of Poltergeist.
His spirit was so corrupted that it devoured his physical body when the Killing Curse was turned back on him. That would be the cannibalistic act needed to create the Horcrux. And perhaps Voldemort wouldn’t realize that it was a cannibalistic act? He probably wouldn’t even think to consider the fact that his rotten, fractured soul ate his body.
So there’s my theory. What do you think?
OH MY FUCKING GOD
OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.
I really feel like vomiting
Holy shit. HEAD CANON ACCEPTED.
Dumbledore: Ah, yes, I see Harry Potter’s eleventh birthday is coming up. Since his relatives are Muggles, should we do the customary house visit a week before his birthday?
Minerva: No, Albus, I think I’m just going to fuck that Vernon Dursley up with 500000000 owl letters. *puts on shades and ollies out*
Dumbledore: I’m so glad I hired that woman.
therewerenorelevanturlsavailable:
a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
no no no!
Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior
Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*
GR: What’s going on?
Neville: *explains how he messed up*
GR: Oh gosh okay…we can fix this, don’t cry, see, it’s fine now? Just be more careful when you’re adding the Newt’s eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.
Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*
Yes, he only screams when he’s dealing with people that claim to know what they’re doing and clearly dont, when he’s teaching he’s very kind and patient because they’re still learning.
He’d probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.
nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he’s still a kid. It’d be the teachers fucking up that he’d have trouble with.
Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar!
Slughorn: It was a stressfu-
Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?!
or
Ramsay: So you’re going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme?
Dumbledore: It’s for the greater good, professor.
Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor’s face* What are you?
Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich?
Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are.
okay but imagine that james wasn’t in the house that halloween. he was talking to dumbledore or out to get groceries or anything that has him out of the house. so lily is home alone but she still sacrifices herself for her son, so the curse still rebounds and hits voldemort and “kills” him. so harry is still the boy who lived, but james is alive.
and of course it’s awful. it’s a terrible moment, burying lily. james is devestated and has no idea how he’s going to raise harry alone. he has to testify that peter betrayed the order, because he’s alive to pass on the knowledge that peter was his secret keeper, not sirius. sirius doesn’t go to prison because he’s too busy helping james cope with lily’s death to go after peter, and peter’s already faked his death by the time he can leave james.
remus and sirius move in with james to help take care of harry, because he swears he can’t do it on his own. remus doesn’t have to focus on rent and food money because james tells him he’s family, so he can focus on a job he actually enjoys such as editing or writing, something freelance so he can take full moons off and no one will wonder why.
sirius refuses to get any job beside full time babysitter, curls up as padfoot and keeps harry warm and safe, especially when the boy gets older and starts having nightmares about what happened to his mom.
harry is raised in the wizarding world, with the most protective family of anyone he’s ever met, and invites ron and hermione over to his house during the summer and somehow padfoot always gets them into some sort of trouble.
when harry goes through hardships at hogwarts, he always has his dad to turn to. james would stroke his hair back from his forehead and kiss his son’s scar and remind him, “your mother was the most brilliant witch there ever was and she’s watching over you, so you’ll never have to worry.”
even when pettigrew comes back and revives voldemort, james is on the quidditch pitch the minute harry comes back with the cup and cedric’s dead body, remus and sirius right behind him and swearing he’ll destroy anyone who doesn’t take his son seriously.
the fight at the ministry harry’s fifth year, james would remind sirius to keep focused, remind him not to get overwhelmed with adrenaline and to focus, and would watch not just harry’s back but his best friends’ too. when he sees sirius too focused on making fun to notice bellatrix amazing a curse straight at him, he dives in front of it to push sirius out of the way and ends up in St. Mungo’s after the fight, a little bruised and battered but with promises that he’ll heal and a sheepish apology from Padfoot in the former of an old, drool covered chew toy.
when harry disappears seventh year, he and james keep in contact with the magical mirrors that belonged to sirius and james paces the kitchen every evening, listening to potterwatch and shrugging off Sirius’ shoulder on his hand telling him that their boy will be okay because he’s incredibly smart and incredibly brave and honestly mate how’d you make such an amazing boy?
and then the fight at hogwarts happens. remus and sirius have each other’s backs and james just wants to find harry. he does, a little too late, being carried out of the woods in hagrid’s arms. he breaks down and drops to his knees and remus and sirius look at each other and think, “there is no way we can fix him after this.”
but then harry is back and voldemort is dead and james’ face is tear stained and they’re all worn out and bruised but their family is alive and sirius, a little hesitantly, offers, “…so who wants ice cream?”
Ow my heart.
that’s okay, my uncle’s a heart surgeon becauSE YOU JUST STABBED ME
yeah seriously tell us how wizardry’s done in the new world tell me how the wizards from france and spain and britain stamped out the brujos and the medicine men and set up their own schools tell me what the fuck the british raj did to fucking india because the patel twins are going to school in scotland and what are they told about their history, tell me about native american kids learning to say wingardium leviosa with hate in their hearts and tell me about wizarding rabbis bickering about whether you can use potions on the sabbath tell me about the slaves on their ships with their wands broken, mouthing curses in the dark tell me about the runaways that made it with garter snakes wrapped around their wrists that told them when they tasted dogs in the distance, tell me about the underground railroad and abolitionists with unbreakable vows and home-spun invisibility cloaks and disilusionments, using obliviate, using imperio, knowing that they served a higher justice, tell me about what happened to black wizards in the fifties, about what gates they were storming in the sixties tell me about queer wizards taking love potions every morning in their coffee to stay married to their husbands and their wives because what else could they do?
the world only begins and ends with straight white christians if you don’t bother looking any farther than that and too many people don’t and i am tired, tired, tired
oh
i started crying halfway through this