Squeeze as much enjoyment out of life as possible.
What’s the unending quest that drives you on?’ Question asked to Rupert Graves (x)
When you’re depressed and needy, love doesn’t save you; it buries you. Unless you happen upon someone who understands you and loves parsing your emotional landscape (guys like that do exist!), you’re not going to get what you need[…] Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to dig into the deepest darkest depths of your soul to find yourself. If you’re depressed, if you’re lonely, if you’re lost, maybe digging deep isn’t the first and only thing to try. Maybe you’re already doing too much of that[…] You can focus outside yourself. You can resolve to listen to the 40 best rap albums of 2014 (according to Rolling Stone, anyway), like I’m doing right now. You can paint the walls of your apartment pumpkin orange. You can train for a marathon. You can write two pages a day. You can teach yourself Italian. You can do every one of these things at once. These are not arbitrary boudoir tricks you acquire in order to win a man. These challenges are a way through, to a different life. If you only win his love this way, you haven’t done enough. You need to set your sights on a life that’s bigger than him. That’s not “Learn to love yourself so he’ll love you too.” That’s not even “Learn to love yourself, period. Pull back from him and love yourself.” See how he’s still in the picture?
You need to identify WHAT IS BIGGER THAN HIM[…] Think like a beast, like a mountain, like a towering, essential, unimpeachable warrior. You are taking what you want, you are fulfilling your manifest destiny, you are at the center of the frame, you’re pulling in all of the focus, swallowing the landscape like an earthquake[…] Think like a merciless visionary. Buy a sewing machine and learn to sew. Buy a French cookbook and learn to cook. Buy the complete Six Feet Under series and start from the beginning. Read everything by Wallace Stegner, Jennifer Egan, and Renata Adler. It will feel arbitrary. Do it anyway. If you feel too sad to do these things, exercise first. If that doesn’t work, see a therapist. Consider less coffee. Consider how depressed you’ve been all your life, and how anxious. Consider waking up and forcing yourself to think I AM BEAUTIFUL. TODAY IS MY CHANCE TO GROW. If that doesn’t work, do something else. Look for more answers.
DO NOT SETTLE FOR SAD. DO NOT SETTLE FOR A SOGGY LIFE. Keep trying. Make adjustments. Keep doing new things. You will find who you are. Stop looking at him and stop looking in the mirror[…] I have a giant bin of journals that are just like the one I quoted. All of those journals look like wasted fucking time, but they led me here. I should’ve been reading more great books. I should’ve learned another language. I should’ve formed closer friendships when I was younger, instead of drinking too much. But I was doing something all along. I kept writing, to survive, and then one day I woke up and I thought like a merciless visionary, I thought like a conquistador, I thought like Wonder Woman with brass knuckles. Not every single day, of course, and not everyone loves me, no way. But I am my own rickety-ass invention, and every day I try to find my swagger all over again. I know how to find it most days. I don’t always look inward to find myself. Sometimes I just put on Vince Staples’s “Blue Suede.” Sometimes I just drink an extra cup of tea and do a dance and think about how good it is to stand tall, to be a monster instead of a dull girl, to not have to ask or apologize just for existing anymore.
Ask Polly (via nogreatillusion)
im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, fuck what other people say damn girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh
I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.
I know you were talking about maybe going for art a while back; I’m finding myself in a similar position. My entire on again off again college career I’ve been a History major. No real goal, just something I enjoyed that seemed a vaguely grown up choice. Now, though…I’m quite seriously about to switch to a Film and Media major. I’m /good/ at telling stories. I want to create. I keep staring longingly at screenwriting courses. Part of me feels its stupid and not a mature decision though…
There’s this stigma in the modern era regarding the arts. People tend to view them as ‘soft’ subjects because they’re not seen as useful, and artists of all kinds are seen as eccentric and weird a lot of the time. But the people who think this watch films and read books and enjoy art…
The fact of the matter is, arts are about passion. It comes from an emotional place more than a logical one. That doesn’t make it any less mature. It makes it more personal.
The reason I didn’t choose art as a degree to begin with is because I didn’t have the confidence. I never thought I’d get into a good art college. So I went the safe route and studied an academic subject that I knew I could do. If I could, I’d go back and change my application. No doubt about it. I’ve come to realise it’s what I really love and can see myself dedicating my life to. And maybe once I finish this degree (or sooner) I’ll give it a real shot.
If you feel you’d be happier studying something you love to do and are passionate about, then go for it.
