“Black Widow” movie summary: When S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Clint Barton was ordered to terminate the infamous Black Widow, Natalia Romanova, he made a unexpected choice, and that choice had its consequences…
SOMEONE BEAT ME TO MAKING THIS BUT IT’S SO GOOD I DON’T EVEN CARE
yes, please, i will take ten
TAKE MY MONEY
STAY FOR THE CREDITS STAY FOR THE CREDITS STAY FOR THE CREDITS.
I keep throwing money at the laptop screen but that’s not working. Why?
that “Tili Tili Bom” shit always gives me goosebumps [credits = actual guffawing]
tumblr gothic
- You are nightblogging. You have always been nightblogging. You have forgotten the warmth of the sun.
- You have never witnessed the origin of a meme, only parodies of parodies of parodies, endlessly twisting through the void. You like them, you reblog them, but you do not know what mineral they crave, and you are too frightened to ask.
- The interface changes daily. Sometimes the post button says something else, something in an arcane script that squirms beneath your cursor. You click it anyway.
- Your dash does a thing. You wish it hadn’t.
- You forgot to feed the Tumbeast. He is sitting in the corner, gnawing on broken wires. Red, wet wires. When did you last see your cat?
- You cannot even. You are not sure you ever could.
- You have an extra hour in the ballpit. You have unlimited hours in the ballpit. You can never leave the ballpit.
- The science side of tumblr cannot explain the creatures that have risen from the sea.
- You try to make John Green find the thing. The thing finds John Green, instead.
- staff are searching for a new intern. Do not apply. They look hungry.
- You are the outlier. You will not be counted.
- Taylor Swift’s smile begins to look strained. Her red lipstick is fading. You hope she is strong enough. She is the last hope.
“beauty and the beast” where beauty’s dad comes home with the rose and is like oh shit oh shit this terrible monster says i have to come live with him forever because i picked his favorite flower and beauty just goes fuck that and puts on her pants and marches down to the beast’s castle herself
and she’s expecting this horrifying dark fortress but it’s actually sort of just a normal castle with big rose bushes and furniture that’s sometimes alive
and she thinks, i can work with this
and the beast comes out and he’s like don’t look at me i am a hideous monster and beauty’s like dude you’re like a talking tiger in a cape are you kidding you’re AWESOME can i pet you can i stroke your paws can you give me a ride
and he’s like what and she goes around the castle like okay we’ll put curtains here and expand the kitchen and this could be a really cute breakfast nook
and the beast is confused because isn’t she supposed to be terrified and hate him and he had all these intimidating speeches planned and he’s like uh aren’t you going to try to run away
and beauty’s all are you kidding this is a magic castle i’m going to live here forever
so they just sort of settle in together and one day beauty goes home for the weekend to visit her family and they’re all amazed that she’s alive and her sisters go WHY DIDN’T THE HUGE MONSTER EAT YOU TO DEATH and she’s like nahhh he’s basically just a big cat he’s kind of cute actually sometimes he plays with yarn when he thinks i’m not looking
and she explains how it’s really not that bad, all the dishes wash themselves and i get all these gorgeous dresses for free because the castle doesn’t know what else to do with them and yeah there are flowers everywhere but hey that’s his hobby y’know i’m not gonna discourage that man
and then one day while beauty’s re-alphabetizing her magic library and trying to decide where to put that enchanted mirror the beast comes up and he’s like hey so this is awkward but are you like………………………………..in love with me……?????????
and beauty’s like oh uh wow haha um sorry no you’re…sort of a tiger
and the beast is like thank goodness because if you were i’d have to turn back into a human and i’ve kind of gotten used to being a big lion thing with horns and the ability to speak english for some reason like why would i want to go back to being a spindly little man and then beauty laughs and she’s like okay well can you go catch us a wild boar for dinner, dear
and they end up getting married in the end just because it’s easier to explain that way, you know, a single lady ~~living alone with a man~~ even if he’s not actually a man, and that’s fine with them because beauty was never really into the whole boys and sex thing and the beast (whose name is jeff) is honestly more interested in his flowers
and whenever any of the other ladies in the village give her any shit beauty is just like, oh, you don’t like my crepes? well you know my husband, who is literally a tiger, loves them and then everyone leaves her alone, which is really all she ever wanted
and she goes back to her magic castle and sits down with a book in front of the fire and rests her feet on her cat husband and nobody bothers her ever again
can that happen
8D
The modern B&B – for all those who wish their cats were huge, sentient, and marriageable.
