my favorite thing is when steve hides full body behind the shield
#how can that big dorito fit behind that little circle (via wintermintsoldier)
Did they ever reveal how Captain America was thawed? Because I’m picturing a bunch of Shield agents with hair dryers and I don’t think that’s quite right.
I don’t think they’d want to microwave him so hair dryer is really the only remaining option. That’s how I’d do it.Do you have a sciency way to accomplish this task?Well, let’s see.
To thaw a 1.5 metric ton colossal squid frozen in a block of ice (the only way the fishermen who trawled the thing in could bring it home before it went bad), scientists put it in a big vat of brine just above 0 Celsius/32F. That allowed the fresh water to melt while still keeping the squid as cold as possible. Essential, since for a giant corpse with tentacles, certain parts are bound to thaw days before others and could become quite rotten before the rest comes out of the ice block if you’re not careful.
HOWEVER Captain America was still alive, which complicates things. On the other hand, even supersoldiers are significantly smaller than this record-setting colossal squid. This helps thaw logistics somewhat.
Much like the squid, Captain America would have to be kept at a consistent temperature throughout his body in order to be thawed successfully. If his extremities were to thaw more than a minute or two before his heart and lungs were thawed and reactivated, the tissue wouldn’t have any oxygen and would quickly die. What a shame to bring back Steve Rogers only to have him be the poster boy for gangrene. Brain tissue becoming metabolically active before the cardiovascular system began functioning would be even more disastrous— possible permanent brain damage.
And the GH-325 project was bornTo keep his temperature as equal as possible across his entire body, something like the squid brine or (more likely) an antifreeze solution would be used. Immerse the Capsicle in brine until the entire unit is within a degree or two of thawing* to begin Phase II.
*Note that due to presence of salts, fats, protein, etc, the freezing point of meat is actually 28-29F. Apologies to non-US readers, sadly I only work with American meat and don’t know the freezing point of corpses/beef in Sane Country Units. That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.
At the thawing point, it’s important to consider life support functions. I don’t know how fast human tissue uses up oxygen at refrigerator-range temperatures, but I’m going to assume that the sooner you have oxygen circulating the better. A heart-lung machine would be needed to oxygenate and move the blood around for a while before the heart gets started back up.
Meanwhile, because Captain America’s last un-frozen moments were spent deep underwater, there may be decompression issues at play. Whatever gas bubbles may have been present in his tissue are currently frozen in place, but when he thaws they can move about and create embolisms —> the bends. Better put him in a hyperbaric chamber just in case.
Since Captain America regained consciousness in a recovery room rather than during the thaw process, it may be safe to assume that he was sedated and/or placed in a drug-induced coma during thaw.
So at this point we’ve got a giant bathtub of brine, a heart-lung machine, oxygen canisters, lots of drugs, plus all the necessary monitoring equipment all inside a hyperbaric chamber. After thawing the antifreeze bath could be replaced with gradually warming water or saline solution in order to bring Captain America back up to normal body temperature. So many machines! This is US medicine at its finest.
Forced warm air blowers (hairdryers) are needed after Captain America is fully thawed, organ systems are reactivated, and he is brought back to normal body temperature. At this point it becomes necessary to dry and style Captain America and put him in period-appropriate jammies to sleep it off in a vintage hospital room. If you think hearing the wrong baseball game tipped him off fast, you should see him wake up with bad hair.
THIS IS THE BEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING.
That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.
Who do you think was the first person Steve Rick Rolled?
Steve discovers Roll Rolling one night while working through the list of music recommendations Sam and Natasha had given him. At first he thinks it’s a random ad popping up in the middle of the music video. Then he reads the comments. Nearly every one involves swearing and the term ‘Rick Roll’d.’ Google, as always, is unbelievably helpful and Steve laughs out loud to himself upon reading the Wiki page.
Sam is first.
Steve: Otis Redding is terrific – thanks for the recommendation. Found one you might like. Let me know what you think.
He pastes the link into the text before hitting send. He smirks and waits.
Sam: Steve Rogers, you Rick Rollin’ sonofabitch! Dammit, man. Who knew Captain America was such a troll?
Steve’s sharp bark of laughter echoes off the walls.
Steve: On your left
Sam: You’re an asshole
Sam: Fifty bucks says you can’t get everyone else
Steve: I won’t feel bad taking your money, you know?
Sam: That’s why you’re an asshole.
IDEK you guise.
Steve: Hey, Clint, thanks for the movie recommendations. Pretty in Pink was great. I liked this one too.
Steve carefully pastes the link in and presses send without a moment of regret. He tosses his phone on the counter and opens the fridge. Halfway through making a pile of sandwiches his phone vibrates on the counter.
Clint: WTF?
Clint: U rick rolled me.
Steve: Sorry, pal.
Clint: UR an asshole. >:(
Steve snorts and screencaps the texts.
Steve: one down.
He attaches the picture and sends it to Sam, laughing to himself as he pulls a carton of milk from the fridge.
Sam: Why am I friends with you?
Steve: My senior citizen’s discount.
Natasha doesn’t reply. Steve hasn’t heard anything from her in three days, so he assumes she’s off somewhere on the other side of the world kicking ass and taking names.
He’s walking back to his place one night with a couple of large pizzas, listening to the 60s mix Sam made for him when a little blur of red and black lunges at him from the shadows. His attacker sweeps his legs out from under him and knocks him to the ground. He’s prepared to spring to the defense when he sees it’s Natasha. Steve’s laugh is cut short when she presses a pointed heel against his throat. “Dammit, Nat! You made me drop my pizzas. What the hell?”
She presses her heel a fraction closer and breathing becomes difficult.
Natasha eyes him coolly with her arms crossed against her chest. ”I’ve had motherfucking Rick Astley in my head for three days now, you little shithead.”
Steve snorts and immediately regrets it.
Natasha kicks him in the ribs before offering a hand to help him off the ground.
“Share your pizza and let’s figure out how you’re going to get Stark."
(Natasha is having exactly none of your shit, Steve.)
Despite what Tony thinks, Thor has no trouble with Midgardian technology. Humor, yes, but technology no. Steve sends Thor an email, swipes his iPod off the desk and goes out for a run, listening to the 70s mix Sam made him.
unknown number: I hate you.
Steve: Excuse me, I think you have the wrong number.
unknown number: I have the right number, Captain Rogers. Thor has not stopped singing all day.
Steve: I’m sorry, Dr. Foster.
Dr. Foster: No, you’re not. ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ
No, he really wasn’t.
….
Steve finds an acoustic version, heavy on the sitar, of Rick Astley’s notorious hit and asks JARVIS to play it the next time Bruce plays his tea time music.
Two days later they learn that Hulk can’t sing but he can hum. Rather soulfully, he thinks as he sends a video clip to Sam.
Sam: You fucker, Rogers.
Steve: Five down. One to go.
Sam: Good luck with that one, asshole.
Steve: Better have my money ready, Wilson.
(Thor enjoys Midgardian folk tales sung in chanted verse)
Tony is the hardest by far. Steve brings pizza and vodka with him when he visits Natasha, and Clint is there too as a happy accident. He bounces ideas off them and everything he can think of just isn’t enough. They break for the night and he retires to his apartment.
He almost considers giving in to Sam when Tony gives him the answer unknowingly.
Steve is sitting on one of the stools in Tony’s workshop, drawing the Suit (which Tony was tickled over), when DUM-E beeps and nudges his arm. Steve grins and takes the washer they’d been using for ‘fetch’ while Tony mutters to himself and looks over the damage Steve’s body armor had sustained.
(“It’s impossible!” He’d wailed, looking at the large gashes in the fabric.
"Tell that to my stomach,” Steve had replied from the hospital bed where his skin slowly stitched itself back together under the bandages.)
“Hey, Tony.” Steve lightly tosses the washer like an extra-small frisbee across the workshop. “Is DUM-E limited to just beeps?”
“No, he has proper speakers, he just refuses to use them for anything else. He doesn’t have the AI functionality of JARVIS. He’s like a baby. A really old baby. Or the mute eldest brother.”
Steve smiles brightly when DUM-E comes back with the washer.
——
It’s really easy to get the song onto his iPod.
——
It’s almost easier to get the iPod hooked up to DUM-E and get him to push the ‘play’ button once Tony had settled in.
——
The entire team watches through the (thankfully soundproof) glass wall as Tony shouts and chases DUM-E around his workshop.
Steve: Did it.
Sam: Pics or it didn’t happen.
Steve steps into the workshop and records the song playing as DUM-E zips around, Tony chasing him. It sends it to Sam who doesn’t reply for ten minutes.
Sam: I’m paying you in beer. BECAUSE you can’t get drunk. Asshole.
Steve: That’s Captain Asshole to you.
BEST ENDING OF ALL TIME AMG
Slaps this onto blog.
