Ok so we all know that the answer to “Where did Captain America learn to
steal a car?” is “Nazi Germany” but I think the more pressing question
here is when the fuck did this complete maniac get a driver’s licenseBecause ok, Mighty Mouse 1.0 is too poor to own a car, too short to
reach the pedals, has vision problems, and is a goddamn New Yorker in the motherfucking 1930s, why on earth would he ever have learned to drive?So this little bastard can’t even tell the gas from the brakes, he gets
all beefified, he goes on tour with the USO. Unless one of the showgirls
coached him through stalling out a car all over some Hollywood back
lot, he still can’t drive. He goes to Europe. At some point, some genius
looks at him and thinks “this strapping specimen of American hunkhood
obviously knows his way around a vehicle, let’s give him a motorcycle,”
and Steve “no parachute” Rogers is like “how hard could this be?” and
promptly wraps himself around approximately eight trees at the same time.So then he’s kickin’ ass, fightin’ Hydra, and it’s just months of Bucky being like
“give me the goddamn keys, Steven,” and Dum Dum and Morita endlessly
encouraging his fucking insane Fury Road bullshit, like the Howling Commandos just use “grenade” as code for “Rogers” when they’re reporting
why yet another truck has been destroyed beyond recognition. Yes, sir, another grenade, I agree, sir, it’s very odd that we keep losing vehicles in the same way, that’s the third this month aloneSo then he’s in the future and SHIELD is sorting his shit out, and
they’re not going to force Captain goddamn America to wait in line at
the DMV, they’re all in complete awe in him and they’ve seen the old
reels of him on his bike, so when they issue him his driver’s license without any type of road test
they go ahead and give him a motorcycle license tooand steve is like …neat.
Ok so then Bucky is back, shit is settled down, everyone’s heading
somewhere and Steve gets in the driver’s seat and Buck’s like WHOA WHOA
WHOA are you people out of your goddamn minds?! Why is Steve driving, is
this some kind of mission, are we heading into a combat zone, is the
plan for the vehicle to get blown up?? GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS STEVENAnd Sam is all “what are you talking about, Steve’s a great driver, I saw him jump his bike over a car once”
And Buck is all “yes but have you seen him use a turn signal?”
And Steve’s like, “Listen, we never needed to ‘signal’ our ‘turns’ in Nazi Germany.”
And after that Bucky always drives.
Fin.
You know, within the MCU, Bucky’s narrative changes depending on if he’s enlisted or if he was drafted. And I don’t think that’s information that’s ever been released. If he was enlisted, then he’s a guy who offered service to his country, then became a POW, then was brainwashed and tortured and forced to fight for the other side. He had agency, but lost it. But if he was drafted, then he’s never had any agency within his own filmic narrative. He was always a tool of the state. It’s an interesting thing to think about.
Headcanon: The first lines that Bucky writes in his notebooks is that his name is James “Bucky” Barnes. He writes it over and over and over because finally he has an identity. Finally he has a name. And he feels like a human being again.
One was given a shield | One had his shield arm stolen
One was given a choice | One had choice taken from him
One was fragile, and they made him strong | One was strong, and they made him fragile
One slept in the ice, and returned to save lives | One was woken from ice, and sent to kill
One missed the war | One became the war
One was given a weapon | One was made a weapon
One became a symbol | One became a secret
I feel like we don’t talk about Bucky Barnes’ name enough. I mean, who the heck names their kid after President James Buchanan? Who even cares about President Buchanan? Literally all I know about President Buchanan is that he was 1) unable to prevent the Civil War from happening and 2) almost definitely gay.
…wait.