we really need a medical show set in ancient greece or rome like can you imagine
whenever the doctors are on clinic duty they get mad bc patients come in like “i haven’t been feeling well, i think somebody cursed me on apollo’s name” and the doctors always have to be like “you have malaria”
constant snake escapes in the hospital’s shrine to asclepius
everyone’s least favorite job is leech duty
doctor’s writing prescriptions for things like gladiator blood and crocodile poo
you know how the running joke about house md is that everyone wanted every diagnosis to be lupus and it was never lupus? that but with the wandering womb
IMPERIAL PHYSICIAN GREGORIVS DOMVS takes the cases no other doctor can solve…
Someone in the Fort Collins Area owes me an explanation
So, I’m up at my parent’s house to return the power tools I borrowed and say hi, and I’m out walking the dogs. Got a leash in each hand, dual-weilding doggos. It’s a bit tricky but they’re used to this and don’t tangle as much and I’m the only person with good enough knees to stop them when they see snackable wildlife.
Anyway, we’re on the North end of the Poudre River trail, by overland, you know where that long bridge is? And I’m disposing of dog waste right before the bridge like a responsible adult when I hear what sounds like an ice cream truck playing “Yankee Doodle” at roughly five times the speed it’s normally played at and see the following:
There is a gentleman rapidly approaching our location who is also dual-weilding doggos, but in his case he’s got a pair of malamutes barreling down the trail at full Iditarod speed, clearly having the time of their lives. They’re hauling thier human behind them, whom I will describe from the top down:
He’s wearing a helmet, which is the only sensible thing going on here. He also has a magnificent handlebar mustache that is flapping joyously in the unusual October rain. He’s wearing a full body Spandex suit of such intensely clashing colors that is physically hurt to look at, but most importantly
He is riding
A unicycle.
It’s not a normal unicycle either this gentleman is towering over us mortals in an unreasonably massive unicycle, like he’d lost the back end of a penny farthing and decided that was an acceptable means of transportation. I see a device attached to the seat that looks like a pedal-powered music box which explains why my ears are being assaulted with the speed core rendition of Yankee Fucking Doodle. I do not see brakes.
I realize I have half a second to grab my own dogs before they decide to join or topple this strange Traveller from wherever Dr.Seuss books are set. I gather each animal under my arms and stand there with a collective hundred pounds of writhing canine under my armpits as the malamutes pick of speed and as they pass the gentleman cheerfully bellows something at me that I don’t hear because Arwen has already partially broken my hold and is attempting to climb on my head, presumably to launch herself at him.
And then he is gone.
We stand there, staring bewildered in the direction of his last known trajectory, listening as speedcore Yankee Doodle fades into the distance. Even after it is gone I still wait, because the trail ends in half a mile from here and I expect to here a crash, possibly even see a fire explosion. But nothing comes, only the sound of October rain and confused dogs.
So if you know of this gentleman and if he’s still alive/on the material plane, can you ask him something for me?
How the hell does he STOP?
Did you ever find out?
This happened an hour ago. I’ve barely had time to put the kettle on and tell y’all.
Mate I was BORN in Colorado, raised near the Realm of the Dread Corn Gods, and I have no idea what in the good god damn you just encountered, but they are not to be trifled with.
1. According to the notes, apparently you BACKPEDAL to make Unicycles stop, and this giant kind is called “Giraffe”, and you dismount it by… falling forwards while holding onto the seat. So I susspose he could backpedal and then make an acrobatics check to land on his feet when the dogs Keep Going. Malamutes, even really well-trained ones, are had to slow from a gallop and from that point the trail ends fairly shortly.
2.
@savethecanteloupe I’m so glad somebody knows who this is. Tell him if he wants to get involved in local protest theater I can make introductions for him.
even tho they’re well-meaning, I’ve found the news articles shared around Ryan’s condition kinda vague and uninformative, with them not rly saying a whole lot apart from ‘difficulty with gross and fine motor skills and can be perceived as clumsy’, so here’s some more detailed points about dyspraxia:
feeling like you have no natural intuition for facing new tasks; other people understand instructions much faster or instinctively know how to proceed without help, whereas you struggle.
poor auditory processing and reading comprehension. not being able to initially register what others are saying to you, and having difficulty separating background noise from other sounds, which can cause distraction. having to reread a section multiple times for it to sink in, and occasionally missing areas of text without realising.
texture and touch sensitivity; may be mildly to greatly uncomfortable in certain clothing, or as a response to contact (I personally hate being lightly tapped/brushed but am fine w/ people being overly tactile).
difficulty with self-grooming, such as the motion of brushing hair and/or teeth, putting on/removing clothes and accessories (e.g. crossing arms and pulling shirts over head), tying knots/shoelaces, or fastening zips, buttons, and hooks, especially out of sight.
being sensitive to loud noise and having different a perception of what is a high volume to others, especially when sudden, which can cause sensory overload.
issues with short-term memory and retaining information; basically, losing your place in a series of directions, or forgetting recent events before they have a chance to pass into long-term memory.
poor spatial awareness, may knock into objects or people despite them seeming like obvious obstacles to others.
generally weak balance and an awkward gait (I had to manually learn how to move my arms as I walked growing up, which eventually became a natural unconscious action.)
poor hand-eye coordination and no sense of depth perception. usually manifests as struggling to judge the distance of objects/environments – catching a ball, crossing through traffic, etc. – which can result in a fear of heights or sense of vertigo (Ryan’s hesitance at climbing is prob this + being unsure of how far the next hand/foot grip is.)
can have low muscle tone and overall weak body strength; may become easily fatigued or find basic exercise/lifting strenuous.
uncomfortable and impractical hand grip of utensils and other tools, often in a closed fist shape, much like a toddler. leads to untidy and “childish” looking handwriting, and can cause cramping after prolonged use.
generally holds self in an awkward and “infantile” way, like how babies seem hunched or stiff.
negative response to these traits can cause other problems, such as low self-esteem through bullying, avoidance coping, and impostor syndrome. dyspraxic people may also stim when excited or stressed.
I would just like to thank every single person involved in this Doctor Who season premiere for not making Ryan Sinclare magically overcome his disability through determination. When he goes back up to learn to ride a bike because that’s what gran would have wanted, any other show would have used that as an inspiration porn moment.
But he still falls.
Because wanting to do what gran wanted you to do won’t instantly make your hands keep still if they never have before. You can’t focus your way out of a medical condition and you shouldn’t have to. Ryan still climbs a crane but it isn’t miraculously easy just because it has to be done. “Trying harder” isn’t a miracle cure. And if he hadn’t chucked his bike off a cliff in frustration, he never would have gotten to travel the universe.
Seriously this is the first Doctor since Four whom I can picture saying “the galaxy’s a fun place, you’ll need to have this fish in your ear” in EXACTLY the right tone
