tfw literally everyone you meet assumes you’ve been banging your flatmate from day 1 but in reality you’ve been tryna hit that shit for literal years
Posted on
Posted on
Posted on
I wrote the first 5,000 words of William the Antichrist. It had a demon named Crawleigh. He drove a Citroen 2CV, and was ineffectual. Proper demons like Hastur and Ligur loathed him. It had a baby swap. I sent it to a few friends for feedback. Then my graphic novel Sandman happened, and it was almost a year later that the phone rang.
“It’s Terry,” said Terry. “‘Ere. That thing you sent me. Are you doing anything with it?“
“Not really.”
“Well, I think I know what happens next. Do you want to sell it to me? Or write it together?”
“Write it together,” I said, because I was not stupid, and because that was the nearest I was ever going to get to Michaelangelo phoning to ask if I wanted to paint a ceiling with him.
– “Yeah, your mirror is a doorway
into my dimension and I’ve seen everything. Even that dance part for
one” au
– “Sure, I’m an alien but I don’t
know why you’d think I’d abduct people. But there’s a great eatery
across the galaxy if you want to check it out” au
– “Listen, I am genetically
modified and on the run and you will let me hide in your
house” au
– “I was just taking a walk
through the woods and I didn’t think Fae really existed, and I
really don’t think I’ll accept any food from you” au
– “My dragon is acting sick and
you specialize in dragon illnesses, please take a look at it. Wait,
why are you laughing” au
– “Buddy, we are in the middle of
a zombie apocalypse, I specialize in botany in unfavorable terrain
and I just saw you make a sword out of PVC pipe and string; we’re
definitely teaming up” au
– “As a wielder of dark magic I
definitely plan on taking over the world once I trick you into
releasing me from my prison, but crap, I think I might like you more
than I meant to” au
– “Ok, so you panicked and kissed
the human so he wouldn’t drown, but we can’t keep him and he can’t
leave if he knows about us merpeople, so what are we going to do”
au
– “Look, I honestly didn’t mean to
run into any awkward werewolves on my hike and why would I tell
anyone about it, what do you mean ‘take me to your leader’ are you
serious. How cliché can you be” au
– “I’m a superhero and you’re the
villain, but I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and
letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to
punch you in the face” au
oh man theres so many competitors for That Animal Has To Be Fake But Isnt how about
the saiga antelope
the first time i saw a picture of this thing i was absolutely CONVINCED it was a photoshop job and i had to watch a video of one moving before i accepted it
its critically endangered due to overhunting ( the horns are especially valued as ingredients in certain cultures ) and where there used to be around 2 million of them all across the eurasian steppe, now theres suspected to be maybe 50,000 left in various patches of russia and nearby countries
they use that weird baby trunk to filter out sand from the air thats kicked up when they travel in herds during fall and spring, and ALSO to heat up the air they breath in cold periods before it hits the lungs
other really good ones are the gerenuk
which is found in small herds in desert and shrubland areas in mideast africa, and uses its elongated neck and legs to help reach shoots and leaves otherwise out of range for other gazelles and antelopes
i thought itd look a little more reasonable just standing but i was wrong
the mexican mole lizard ( no hind legs ! )
this reptile belongs to a group of reptiles called amphisbaenia ( or worm lizards ! ) , which generally spend most of their lives underground and usually dont have Any Limbs, unlike the tiny mole lizards tiny mole hands
they can get around 9 inches in length and move very similarly to a regular earthworm, with controlled contractions and expansions of its body segments
the mantidfly
which, like the true mantids it takes its name from, uses its modified forelimbs to capture prey – theyre generally nocturnal and completely harmless to humans, which is great because species of these little things can be found globally in various tropical/temperate zones ( and are Very Cute to watch )
and then the chinese water deer
this ones pretty well known already BUT it looks so much like a weird handpuppet theres no way id skip it
these little deer stand less than 2 feet high at the shoulder and populate various areas around coastal regions and rivers in china ( although some deer that were imported to and released from britain zoos from ages ago have established small populations there )
the fangs are found in males and females ( although theyre considerably larger in males ) and are only loosely held in sockets in the skull, meaning they can be manipulated at will by the deer by controlling certain facial muscles
the fangs are often moved to the side when eating, and during territorial disputes are used to stab their opponents backs and shoulders ( although the fights are rarely fatal ! )
theyre actually not even the only fanged deer out there, joining the toothy hoards of muntjac, tufted deer, and other water deer ! this species though doesnt have any horns, setting their skull
on a slightly lower tier than the closely related muntjac ( although both are still good ok theyre both good skulls )
