James Watson: You should definitely fight Watson. If anyone deserves a swift punch in the teeth is Jim Watson. you will win and be doing a service to society
Francis Crick: You should fight Crick. you will probably win if you’re just fighting Crick, but if he double teams with Watson, your odds decrease, but you should fight him anyways
Rosalind Franklin: Fighting Franklin will make Watson and Crick feel vindicated so you should definitely not fight her also you will lose
Lise Meitner: Why would you want to fight her? Fight Otto Hahn instead
Isaac Newton: You will lose, because while Newton looks like a classic nerd he fights dirty and will probably hit you with a telescope
Albert Einstein: depends on which version of einstein you fight. if it’s special relativity working in the patent office einstein you will definitely lose. if it’s late career einstein you can win by distracting him with quantum mechanics
Paul Dirac: Dirac will destroy you and probably come up with some new and interesting quantum theory while doing it
Erwin Schrödinger: you have an equal probability of wining and losing a fight with schrödinger until you actually fight him. be warned that he is wily and might try to distract you with his cat
Gilbert Lewis: you will definitely lose a fight with lewis. he will take out all his frustrations about never winning the nobel on you
Antoine Lavoisier: you will beat him if you’re just fighting him but he will likely send his wife to fight you instead and she will kick your ass
Marie Curie: do you really want to fight a polish woman covered in radium? do you?
Charles Darwin: will throw a turtle at you and run away to his birds. do not fight
Werner Heisenberg: You can only know the speed or the location of a heisenberg left hook, but if you always pick the location you will win
Gregor Mendel: DO NOT FIGHT GREGOR MENDEL HE WAS A CATHOLIC MONK HE WILL DESTROY YOU BOTH PHYSICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY
Robert Oppenheimer: Has nukes, is become death, avoid.
Annie Jump Cannon: Name suggests acrobatic ability and also possession of artillery, maybe don’t fight…?
Nikola Tesla: Don’t fight Tesla, maybe offer him a cup of tea or something, or just leave him be, he’s not too into human contact.
Joseph Lister: Clean hands, ask him who Ignaz Semmelwies is and then use his distraction to your advantage.
Thomas Huxley: Fight him, but be sneaky about it, dude’s got a temper, don’t let him engage you in a debate.
and a reminder- please fight James Watson.
Augusta Ada Byron, Countess of Lovelace: Would probably only fight you if you started talking shit about Charles Babbage. Otherwise, would probably be too interesting to fight.
Rear Admiral Grace Hopper: You done fucked up today, son. She survived graduate school and the Second World War, what makes you think you have a chance?
Mary Anning: Do not fight. Woman spent her entire life digging bones out of precarious cliff faces and fighting rich dudes and poverty, she’ll end you. Moreover if you fight her and do win I will come after you with a rock hammer.
Richard Owens: Fight him hard. He’s a mean bugger and will have tricks up sleeve so get ready to fight dirty. Might steal your spine if you lose.
Edward Jenner: Depends. On the one hand he’s responsible for you not having smallpox. On the other he experimented on his servants’ kids. Maybe just one little punch.
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