Christopher Lee was the tallest actor I ever knew.
He was also, by far, the most literate. When we first met, in a Los Angeles studio where he was recording his lines as King Haggard inThe Last Unicorn, he had just recorded Haggard’s speech about his first sight of unicorns, and I mentioned that it was probably my favorite speech in the book. He immediately wanted to know, “Well, did I do it properly? We can always redo it right here.” Of course, he’d handled the lines perfectly – but writers, and writers’ opinions about their work, mattered intensely to Christopher.
That same afternoon, we discovered that between the two of us we we could call to mind just about all the lines of G.K. Chesterton’s poem, “The Rolling English Road.” We also discovered a mutual need to hit the men’s room, and my son Dan – in his mid-teens at the time – still has a very clear memory of Christopher simultaneously peeing while declaiming, in That Voice, which no one could ever keep from imitating after fifteen minutes with him:
“Before the Roman came to Rye, or out to Severn strode, The rolling English drunkard made the rolling English road. A reeling road, a rolling road, that rambled round the shire, And after him the parson ran, the sexton and the squire…”
I leave it to the reader to imagine That Voice in the tiled acoustics of a Hollywood bathroom.
We met a second time in Munich, where The Last Unicorn was being dubbed into German. Most of my memories of that time, and of Chris Lee, have to do with books and authors. He had known both J.R.R. Tolkien and a writer who mattered more to me, T. H. White. We had a long ongoing argument in Munich about a chapter of The Sword In The Stone that appears in the English edition of the book, but not in the American one. He turned out to be right. He usually was.
He never failed to mention The Last Unicorn as one of his very favorite books, and as one of the movies he was most proud of having made. Indeed, he left my whopperjawed – as Mark Twain would have put it – when we were being interviewed together on Austrian television, and he announced, “Oh, yes, I simply couldn’t resist a chance to play King Haggard one more time, even in another language. After all –” and he looked straight into the camera – “it’s the closest they’ll ever let me get to playing King Lear.” The camera swung toward me to catch my stunned reaction, and Chris looked across the studio at me, and winked.
But my most vivid memory, chilling as it remains to this day, has to do with the day that I and Michael Chase Walker – associate producer of The Last Unicorn, and the one who really got the film made in the first place – somehow found our way out to Dachau. I can’t now recall how we managed it, considering that neither one of us spoke German, and that you had to take both a subway and a bus to get there from the hotel where the crew were staying. But we got there somehow, and spent a good half of the day roaming with other tourists around a legendary concentration camp, peering blindly into the huge crematoriums, but staring with equal horror and fascination at the endless rows of filing cabinets containing every record of every human being who was ever imprisoned, starved, gassed, or simply worked to death in this place. Michael and I grew quieter and quieter that afternoon; until, by the time we started back to Munich we weren’t speaking at all. I think we both felt that we might say anything in words again.
The first person we met in the hotel lobby was Christopher. He took one look at us and announced, “You’ve been to Dachau.” We nodded without answering. Chris strode toward us, looked all the way down from his six-foot, five-inch altitude, lowered his voice and inquired, “Still smells, doesn’t it?”
With the end of World War II, Christopher, as a member of the Special Forces – and whose five or six languages included fluent German – had been assigned to hunt down and interrogate Nazi war crminals, and had been present at the liberation of Dachau. And, yes, the smell of death had undoubtedly faded somewhat since 1945, but it was still as real as Michael and me, wandering dazedly between the ovens and the filing system. We just didn’t know what it was, but Christopher did. And I’d know it again.
I never saw him again after Munich, though we spoke on the telephone a few times. On the last occasion, when I had called to wish him a happy 90th birthday, I remember him assuring me that “if, by the time you come to make your live-action version of your movie, I have passed on, do not let it concern you. I have risen from the dead several times. I know how it’s done.”
He worked almost to the last, as the real artists of every kind do: they work to be working, because that’s what they do, and they die when they stop. I always regarded him as the last of the great 19th-century actors. That bravura, larger-than-life style went with him: no modern RADA-trained performer would ever attempt it today, nor should they. It would inevitably come out parody, however earnestly meant.
Yet there was always more to Christopher Lee as an actor than Dracula or the Mummy or Saruman – or Sherlock Holmes. for that matter, though he was very proud of having played, not only both Holmes and Watson, but Sherlock’s brother Mycroft as well. Lord Summerisle of the original The Wicker Man – probably his favorite of his own movies – is most likely closer to Chris’s dark benignity than any other role he ever inhabited. I believe this because Lord Summerisle sings a surprising amount in that movie, and Chris passionately loved singing. If there is any such thing as an afterlife or reincarnation, I truly hope – no, believe – that Christopher Lee will return as a Wagnerian opera singer. If he hadn’t been considered too old, in his 30s, to be accepted for formal vocal training, he might have been – in his own eyes, at least – a happier, more fulfilled man. But we would have been deeply poorer for it, and never have known.
If there was a zombie apocalypse the best place to go would be Target.
Lets look at the facts:
Targets have at maximum 3 windows. And those windows are also doors. Otherwise they are giant concrete cinder-blocks of prison like retail.
Target is filled with things to quickly barricade those window-doors. such as entire gazebos, lawn furniture, exercise equipment, etc.
From that point forward all you have to do is worry about the zombies that are inside.
Target has an intercom system, which if accessed by the correct people can be used to quickly spread information and mobilize people to get things done.
Target has a large section of both perishable and non perishable food items.
Target also has a vast entertainment section. (how many societies have collapsed due to conflict spurred by stress and boredom. HOW MANY)
Target’s roof can be easily accessed for surveillance, gathering of rainwater (with the many buckets and mini pools target has. and all water can be boiled in the Starbucks kitchen) and sniping.
Target’s insulation would make the harsh winter months significantly more bearable.
Before the power goes out, Target has sun lights (which is why its not sad inside like in so many other stores… cough Sears cough) so people who have SAD won’t get depressed. Also, Target is large and designed to feel homey so people wont go stir crazy as fast like they do in jails.
When the power goes out, Target has large industrial generators that can be turned on in emergencies like for cooking.
Speaking of cooking, Target has several kitchens inside of it. And once the power goes, guess what Target also sells? Grills.
Target also has a pharmacy. And medical supplies. So, people inside who need meds to function have a hell of a lot longer time to live unencumbered by their illness than they normally would.
Some targets have tools–including power tools.
Target also has a tiny jail. For miscreants and rabble rousers.
Bedding. Real Bedding
Reliable indoor plumbing.
I think you could reasonably live for at least two years inside a Target before completely running out of anything vital– provided food is well rationed. And even so, the only thing you’d be sending out scouts for is food. Everything else would last for ages.
Provided that the population not exceed 200, Target would run out of these things in this order:
perishable food.
electricity
Potable water (that doesn’t require work)
Non perishable pre-made food items
Non perishable food ingredients (flour, mixes, etc)
How to survive in a Target: Action plan.
Undoubtedly, everyone will be rushing and screaming in the Target. First someone has to break into the manager’s office and commandeer the intercom to create some organization by shouting: If you do not want to stay and survive in the Target, leave now.
After that’s cleared up and only interested parties and zombies are left. the barricading can begin. Once the doors and windows are sealed, the new goal is to clear the undead from the usable space.The undead can be deposited neatly outside of the truck loading dock doors.
Then, someone needs to do inventory. For the next week or so, food needs to be arranged by date consumed and a rationing chart should be made. Same applies to medicine and medical supplies and toiletries.
After food and water has been qualified and quantified, remaining time should be dedicated to turning target into a large “home”, Bedding should be laid out in one area, there should be an entertainment area. There should be a separate area for children and babies. All of the clothing should be pushed to the side or placed in the storage area, so there is more livable space.
I’m sure people have more ideas but that’s all I’ve got.
This has been brought to you with love by,
Not gonna die.
The only problem I could see with riding out the apocalypse in a Target is it’s proximity to population and it’s distinct lack of ammunition and general weapons. Targets are generally located in shopping centers or in regions of higher traffic (the one nearest me is literally situated in a population sandwich; stuck between a massive mall and an equally massive housing complex). This could mean one of two things for you; a) more zombies/chosen apocalypse monsters or b) more raiders/people with horrible intentions. We have to remember that this Target does not exist in a vacuum.
Because you have the likelihood of encountering one of these two on a weekly basis, you should start thinking about defense, because those glass doors ain’t gonna hold forever. Target does not sell ammunition, as far as I’ve seen in my research and if you’re lucky, you’ll end up in a store that carries Bear Grylls’ line of “survival knives” (they’re trash imo, but they’ll do the job). Other than that you got baseball bats and whatever large objects you can swing. As soon as you finish inventorying and setting up the ration, you need to focus on defense, because whether you like it or not, some people in apocalypse situations are assholes. Faced with illness, starvation, or danger they will do anything to save themselves or those they care about. If a raider was to get into your hypothetical Target without being detected, the likelihood of them coming back (with friends) will go up. Just as food and water is important, security is too. If you have any intentions of holding that Target, your scouts better be coming back with more than just food and water.
Like I said before, Targets are generally placed in shopping centers. What’s in shopping centers, outside of other shops? Abandoned cars. These now useless machines are gonna be your best friend. Your Target has generators, but generators need fuel,and if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to siphon the gas from these cars to prolong the lifeline of your generators. You can also use them for scrap, reinforcing your doors, or even making weapons. The best thing you can use these cars for though is for creating a perimeter wall. Sure, Target is spacious, but having several secured buildings and a courtyard will greatly boost moral and capacity. You’ll be able to take in more people if you have a solid, secured complex of buildings, adding not only to your population, but your skill reserve as well. Who knows who will wander into your compound, doctors? Mechanics? Hell, maybe even a killer wasteland cook. Not to mention a small gang of raiders will likely be more afraid of a massive colony of people.
Other things that Targets carry:
Gardening supplies, seeds, and fruit bearing plants. Some Targets have a full blown gardening section, and almost all carry some veggie/fruit seeds. These will be vital to restarting your community and maintaining sustainability.
Tools. Outside of being used to fix stuff, these can be used for trading/bargaining.
Clothing. Again, outside of their core use, clothing will rapidly become a commodity that people need. Making sure you have some for trade would be wise.
Household cleaning supplies. Tying into the whole security thing, these cleaning supplies could be useful weapons in a pinch.
Soap.
TOILETRIES IN GENERAL. OH MY GOD, TOILETRIES WILL BE THE MONEY OF THE WASTELAND, MARK MY WORDS. “WHAT, DO YOU WANT THIS AMAZING FOOD BEARING PLANT? THAT’LL BE TWO TOILET PAPER ROLLS, FRIEND.”
Paracord. Generally in the craft section, this glorious cordage will be a life saver. Really great for securing heavy loads that may pose a threat.
TLDR: Target is p good, but security might be a problem. Looking outside of your Target might help you as well, since there will be several resources right outside your doors. Community expansion should also be a priority; the end of the world is not the end of humanity! Once secured, keeping your doors open may provide more useful than you think.
“i just got turned into an incubus or a succubus and i’m like the least smooth and most self-conscious person on the planet so i’m literally starving because i don’t know how to seduce people” AU. BONUS POINTS IF THEY ARE A VIRGIN.
“i’m a siren and i keep accidentally forgetting that i have roommates now and and end up putting them in my thrall when i’m singing taylor swift songs in the shower” AU
“i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn” AU
“i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO” AU
“i’m a med student who has a huge crush on the hot guy who works at the coffee shop who always gives me free drinks when i’m stressed and calls me princess even though i pretend i think it’s annoying but i’m extremely concerned about him because he always smells like smoke so i always give him lectures about how terrible cigarettes are for you and i may have made a powerpoint which is probably excessive but lung health is extremely important and oops it turns out he’s part-dragon or something hahahaha oops” AU
“my best friend got turned into a frog and now i’m being the best wingman/woman/person ever by carrying them around to bars and getting hot people to kiss them in hopes of hooking them up with their true love” AU
“i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class” AU
