{"id":96847,"date":"2016-06-15T01:02:47","date_gmt":"2016-06-15T01:02:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/15\/nursejack-thewinterotter-kyraneko\/"},"modified":"2018-09-02T00:46:10","modified_gmt":"2018-09-02T00:46:10","slug":"nursejack-thewinterotter-kyraneko","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/15\/nursejack-thewinterotter-kyraneko\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-96847 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/15\/nursejack-thewinterotter-kyraneko\/attachment\/96848\/'><img width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/tumblr_nf1v3tJgR51tm6fj3o1_640-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" loading=\"lazy\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/tumblr_nf1v3tJgR51tm6fj3o1_640-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/tumblr_nf1v3tJgR51tm6fj3o1_640-100x100.jpg 100w\" sizes=\"100vw\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/nursejack.tumblr.com\/post\/104055415521\" target=\"_blank\">nursejack<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/thewinterotter.tumblr.com\/post\/104024848851\" target=\"_blank\">thewinterotter<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/kyraneko.tumblr.com\/post\/103824470601\" target=\"_blank\">kyraneko<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/doujinshi.tumblr.com\/post\/102639487994\" target=\"_blank\">doujinshi<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>I hate that I laughed at this<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>\u201cLike a good neighbor, State Farm is there,\u201d and another one appears. And dodges the downward sweep of claws, darting to the side, bouncing off the pentagram\u2019s barriers, and tripping over the demon\u2019s tail. \u201cIn the Vatican!\u201d she cries out as she moves, using the State Farm Agent summoning charm to modify the situation as she was taught, and mentally thanking her trainer for expecting her to be fast enough to do it on the first incantation.<\/p>\n<p>Most State Farm agents, when they run into trouble, have to get the customer to do the jingle a second time. That guy with the buffalo was lucky.<\/p>\n<p>The magic takes hold, and she materializes in the aisle of St. Peter\u2019s Basilica, still holding the demon by the tail, in the middle of Sunday morning Mass. The music clatters unprofessionally to a halt as laypeople, deacons, priests, monks, nuns, and the Pope all turn their attention to the surprised demon whose fifth course of dinner has turned, unaccountably, into a visit to one of his least favorite places on Earth.<\/p>\n<p>There is chanting in Latin, and vaguely cross-shaped gestures, and clouds of incense, and the demon vanishes in a puff of smoke, whether from the efforts of the clergy or of his own volition no one can say. The Agent doesn\u2019t wait, fleeing towards the doors and escaping in the confusion.<\/p>\n<p>She gains the exit and walks, purposefully, toward Rome proper; there, she ducks into the nearest alley. A burner cell phone comes out of one of the less-used pockets of her purse, and she dials a number from memory.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAllstate,\u201d says a smooth masculine voice after three rings.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cState Farm,\u201d she answers. \u201cI\u2019m calling in a favor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah?\u201d Interest. \u201cWhat sort?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As she talks she\u2019s pulling out her smartphone, keying an app that was activated by the summoning, and pulling up the policyholder data that enabled the incantation to work.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cInsurance fraud,\u201d she said, and can almost hear teeth sharpening on the other end of the line. She gives him the name, the address, the policy number. \u201cSomeone needs some mayhem.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s my name,\u201d the man says.<\/p>\n<p>She smiles. \u201cSomeone needs\u00a0<i>all<\/i> the mayhem.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He chuckles. Slow. Evil. Even with the echoes of demonic laughter ringing in her ears, she\u2019s impressed. \u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d he says, almost purring.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re in good hands.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>OH MY FUCKING GOD I just read insurance commercial fan fiction and it was so good, bless you, I\u2019m going to remember this day forever.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<div><img src=\"http:\/\/www.reactiongifs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/Brenda-Meeks-Scared-Popcorn-Gif-In-Scary-Movie.gif\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>nursejack: thewinterotter: kyraneko: doujinshi: I hate that I laughed at this \u201cLike a good neighbor, State Farm is there,\u201d and another one appears. And dodges the downward sweep of claws, darting to the side, bouncing off the pentagram\u2019s barriers, and tripping over the demon\u2019s tail. \u201cIn the Vatican!\u201d she cries out as she moves, using &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/15\/nursejack-thewinterotter-kyraneko\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[3045,3291,12150,12149,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96847"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=96847"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96847\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":96849,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96847\/revisions\/96849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96847"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=96847"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=96847"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}