{"id":95226,"date":"2016-06-26T11:33:48","date_gmt":"2016-06-26T11:33:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/26\/soggywarmpockets-jaepingsu-jglovelace\/"},"modified":"2018-09-01T21:06:58","modified_gmt":"2018-09-01T21:06:58","slug":"soggywarmpockets-jaepingsu-jglovelace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/26\/soggywarmpockets-jaepingsu-jglovelace\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

soggywarmpockets<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jaepingsu<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jglovelace<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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justlookatthosesausages<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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invisiblespork<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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ohhowlucky<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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danteogodofsoup<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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killbenedictcumberbatch<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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standupcomedyblog<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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John Mulaney<\/b> | The Salt & Pepper Diner<\/small><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I\u2019ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones\u2019s What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i>. And then we ordered and waited.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the thing about when, uh, What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i> plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not \u2018hey someone\u2019s playing What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i> again.\u2019 It\u2019s \u2018hey, What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i> is a lot longer<\/i> than I first thought. The third time it plays you\u2019re thinking maybe<\/i> someone\u2019s playing What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i> again. The fourth<\/i> time it plays you\u2019re either thinking \u2018whoa someone just played What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i> FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it\u2019s a really long song<\/i>.\u2019 So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Now, John and I we\u2019re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what\u2019s going on. And we\u2019re staring at this one guy and he\u2019s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he\u2019s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he\u2019s been onto us since the beginning. And he\u2019s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he\u2019s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It\u2019s dead quiet. Then, I don\u2019t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly\u2026<\/p>\n

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT\u2019S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic<\/i>. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I\u2019m punching in the What\u2019s New Pussycats<\/i> alright? I\u2019ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me \u2018hey hey hey before you punch in another What\u2019s New Pussycat<\/i> let\u2019s drop in one It\u2019s Not Unusual<\/i>.\u2019 <\/p>\n

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven<\/i> What\u2019s New Pussycats. In a row <\/i>– It played seven times<\/i>. Suddenly – Dum da dum, IT\u2019S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones\u2019s It\u2019s Not Unusual<\/i> and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What\u2019s New Pussycats<\/i>. It\u2019s true. Dead honest.<\/p>\n

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It\u2019s Not Unusual <\/i>fade out. It\u2019s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT\u2019S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like \u2018yup some crap as always.\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that<\/i> was the best meal I ever had.]<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it\u2019s still forever hilarious omg<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

my favorite joke in the existence of all jokes.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Timing! I was just telling my sister about this yesterday. \ud83d\ude00<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

@rhymesblack<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

(Source:<\/span> http:\/\/soggywarmpockets.tumblr.com\/<\/a>)<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

soggywarmpockets: jaepingsu: jglovelace: justlookatthosesausages: invisiblespork: ohhowlucky: danteogodofsoup: killbenedictcumberbatch: standupcomedyblog: John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking … <\/p>\n

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