{"id":94869,"date":"2016-06-28T14:43:50","date_gmt":"2016-06-28T14:43:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/28\/hp-reread-x-some-of-these-are-embarrassing\/"},"modified":"2016-06-28T14:43:50","modified_gmt":"2016-06-28T14:43:50","slug":"hp-reread-x-some-of-these-are-embarrassing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/28\/hp-reread-x-some-of-these-are-embarrassing\/","title":{"rendered":"hp reread x: some of these are embarrassing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/lotstradamus.tumblr.com\/post\/112180741133\" target=\"_blank\">lotstradamus<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<ul>\n<li>this has been said before, multiple times, by people who are a lot funnier than me, but I think it\u2019s worth noting for posterity: Dudley\u2019s shitty little mates all call him \u201cBig D\u201d. hmm. HMMMMM.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>Harry\u2019s reaction to Sirius telling him not to do anything rash is PURE GOLD. he\u2019s literally like \u201cum?? this guy went to prison for a decade, broke out, tried to murder someone, nicked a hippogriff and went on the lam and HE is telling ME noT TO dO AnYTHinG RAsH???\u201d it\u2019s a bit like when he told Harry not to use Hedwig because she\u2019s too conspicuous after sending him letters by fucking toucan. Sirius \u201cdo as I say not as I do\u201d Black or what?\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>according to Sirius, all the pureblood families are interrelated. THE POSSIBILITIES HERE ARE ENDLESS. it\u2019s no secret that Sirius and Draco being related is my favourite thing in the world, and I know recently there\u2019s been an uptick in people who write Luna and Draco as related, which is very cute, but I\u2019m not sure they\u2019re really CASHING IN ON THE COMEDY. for instance, picture this: ERNIE AND DRACO, COUSINS. what if their hair is the same shade of blond? maybe they share a nose. they definitely both have a tendency for theatrics. please imagine two chubby, pink toddlers with blond hair.  they are both wearing posh nappies with their initials embroidered on them.\u00a0one of them is giving the other a Chinese burn. I am so happy.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>I love the aside about how they all sit and try to open Slytherin\u2019s locket while they\u2019re cleaning out Grimmauld Place. can you fucking imagine if it\u2019d opened? all of them hanging around in trackies with rubber gloves on up to the elbows, armed with dusters and polish and fucking Voldemort comes bursting out of a necklace to shout at Hermione and tell her she\u2019s gonna fail all her exams.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m not convinced Hermione has parents. I think she leapt fully-formed from sea foam like Venus. when was the last time she went home? has she seen her parents for longer than two days at a time since she went to Hogwarts? why are the Grangers so fucking lenient? their daughter spends \u00be of her time at boarding school in another country and then comes home for a weekend and goes, \u201csoz mum, I\u2019m going to stay in a grungy house in London owned by a convicted murderer. slater!\u201d and doesn\u2019t come home for a fucking year. what the hell, Grangers? you\u2019re dentists! I don\u2019t expect this sort of behaviour from dentists!\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>omg when Harry bumps into Lucius Malfoy at the Ministry, Lucius says, \u201cWell well well\u2026 Patronus Potter.\u201d I think we can safely say that Draco inherited his incredible sense of humour from his dad. phew. that was a fucking humdinger. Patronus Potter. oh god, Lucius, stop. you\u2019re killing me. there\u2019s literally no excuse for this greeting slash insult slash abysmal attempt at \u201ccomedy\u201d.\u00a0he must have panicked and blurted out the first thing that came into his head. no wonder Draco is such a fucking clod.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>Harry has a minor crisis when Mrs Weasley puts him on the spot about Bill\u2019s hair. she\u2019s blathering on about how out of hand it is and how GOOD LOOKING Bill is and how it\u2019d look SO MUCH BETTER shorter and then she goes WOULDN\u2019T IT, HARRY? and Harry\u2019s like \u201coh \u2014 I dunno \u2014\u201d and, I quote, \u201ca bit alarmed.\u201d the best thing is if you read it in the right tone of voice it\u2019s like that arsehole friend who compliments the person you fancy right in front of you and then goes DON\u2019T YOU THINK SO??? and does that insane smirk\/eyebrow wiggle combo and you\u2019re left like y\u2014yeah? yeah h h\u00a0? \u00a0you loo k fi ne\u00a0?? which is essentially what harry does here. essentially. it is absolutely what happens.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>okay, so, regarding the whole \u201cNotorious Mass Murderer OR Innocent Singing Sensation?\u201d thing: what if Sirius really IS Stubby Boardman, lead singer of The Hobgoblins? I\u2019m serious. out of every single person in the Harry Potter universe, who seems the man most likely to create an alias and start a fucking rock band? yeah.\u00a0Doris Purkiss doesn\u2019t seem so batty now, does she?\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>I feel like MANNERS, POTTER, OR I\u2019LL HAVE TO GIVE YOU DETENTION deserves a bullet point all of its own, because really? really, Draco Malfoy? this sounds like a fucking PORN OPENING. you are a HOT, GAY MESS. any money he walked out of the compartment, closed the door behind him and immediately had a I Can\u2019t Believe I Said That meltdown and Goyle had to take him down the train to get a cup of builders\u2019 tea.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>speaking of Draco Malfoy, Useless Idiot, I have chosen to believe that his emphasis on the word \u201cdogging\u201d was simply him putting feelers out. he\u2019s new to the dogging scene and is testing the waters. you never know where you\u2019ll find a fellow dogger, especially in the wizarding world. hop in a thestral-drawn carriage, park it in the forest, wait for the magic to happen.<\/li>\n<li>while we\u2019re on the subject: they\u2019re all sitting at the Gryffindor table talking about how the hat wants them all to be mates, and Harry goes, \u201cand it wants all the houses to be friends?\u201d then IMMEDIATELY zeroes in on Draco at the Slytherin table. like. Haz. you are casual acquaintances with so many Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. you could have glanced at any of them \u2014 you do, in fact, have to LOOK PAST ALL OF THEM to see fucking Draco fucking Malfoy AT THE OTHER END OF THE HALL. YOU\u2019RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF, HARRY! YOU\u2019RE GIVING THE GAME AWAY!<\/li>\n<li>I know that the \u201chave a biscuit, Potter\u201d scene is everyone\u2019s favourite bit, but that must just be because everyone\u2019s forgotten the second biscuit-related exchange: \u2018\u201cHave another biscuit,\u201d she said irritably, thrusting the tin at him. \u201cNo thanks,\u201d Harry said coldly. \u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous,\u201d she snapped. He took one.\u2019 fucking Minerva all like \u201cyou\u2019re turning down a biccy because you\u2019ve got the monk on with me? what in god\u2019s name is wrong with you?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>lotstradamus: this has been said before, multiple times, by people who are a lot funnier than me, but I think it\u2019s worth noting for posterity: Dudley\u2019s shitty little mates all call him \u201cBig D\u201d. hmm. HMMMMM.\u00a0 Harry\u2019s reaction to Sirius telling him not to do anything rash is PURE GOLD. he\u2019s literally like \u201cum?? this &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/06\/28\/hp-reread-x-some-of-these-are-embarrassing\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;hp reread x: some of these are embarrassing&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[151,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/94869"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=94869"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/94869\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=94869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=94869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=94869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}