{"id":92905,"date":"2016-07-12T12:21:15","date_gmt":"2016-07-12T12:21:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/07\/12\/naamahdarling-ranakanth-skiesovergideon\/"},"modified":"2016-07-12T12:21:15","modified_gmt":"2016-07-12T12:21:15","slug":"naamahdarling-ranakanth-skiesovergideon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/07\/12\/naamahdarling-ranakanth-skiesovergideon\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

naamahdarling<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

ranakanth<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

skiesovergideon<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

gather round tumblr it\u2019s time for a story about why you shouldn\u2019t solicit conversation with a stranger with a put down about their generation<\/p>\n

i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as i settled, i checked some stuff on my phone, then turned to my laptop. because there aren\u2019t many plugs, i\u2019m sitting in a cluster of couches and instead of being by myself there\u2019s an he\u2019s an older gentleman across from me, polo shirt, salt and pepper hair. was very polite when i asked if he minded if i tucked myself in the corner of the couch<\/p>\n

but apparently<\/p>\n

apparently<\/p>\n

he thinks computers are full of satan or something<\/p>\n

because no sooner have i opened up goddamn word when he goes,\u00a0\u201cyou kids and your electronics.\u201d<\/p>\n

ah, excellent, unsolicited conversation with a perfect stranger that comes with a critique of modern communication. fight me, bro, you got no idea who you\u2019re tangling with. so naturally i push up my metaphorical sleeves (metaphorical because i\u2019m in a goddamn resort and pavement is melting; i\u2019m wearing a very nice goddamn dress and i\u2019d look like a fucking soccer mom named helen if i had blonde hair) and very politely, i smash his face into the floor with\u00a0\u201ci\u2019m sorry?\u201d in an utterly flabbergasted tone because dude wtf and no one delivers slick put downs when they\u2019re caught off guard<\/p>\n

\u201ci\u2019m here reading my newspaper and after this my wife and i are going on a hike\u201d (lol good luck with that dude the pavement is melting<\/i> and you want to hike in the mountains)\u00a0\u201cand we\u2019re going to interact with each other.\u201d he gives my computer a v pointed look<\/p>\n

naturally, i have the perfect response to this. it is pithy and eloquent and will surely put him in his place:\u00a0\u201ci\u2026 like to write, and it\u2019s easier on a laptop?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cit seems to me\u201d (HERE WE GO)\u00a0\u201cthat your generation\u201d (OH GOOD)\u00a0\u201cis losing the ability to interact with other people.\u201d (O OK) \u201cmy grandchildren never take their eyes off their cellphones anymore!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

and here he pauses and looks at me. as if he expects me to agree.\u00a0<\/p>\n

so i say\u00a0\u201cyou were born in the 50s, right?\u201d he says he was born in 59.\u00a0\u201cwell, it seems to me that your generation is really fond of adultery, embezzlement, and corporate fraud, among other things, and i\u2019m really enjoying paying for your retirement.\u201d<\/p>\n

i admit: i had this line canned after a little snarl i had with my mom the other night.<\/p>\n

he stares at me. i stare back.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cyou also realize,\u201d i say, quickly typing socrates kids these days quote<\/i>\u00a0into google,\u00a0\u201cthat people have been saying kids these days<\/i>\u00a0since socrates said, and i quote, children now love luxury. they have bad manners. contempt for authority. they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.<\/i>\u201d i look up at him. he\u2019s staring at me still.<\/p>\n

i\u2019m shaking because man fuck confrontation but also how hilarious is this because i literally had a fight with my mom about this twelve hours ago<\/i>. i literally have a cranky tweet about it. \u201cso it seems to me that making sweeping generalizations about people based on pretty arbitrary age groupings is kind of ridiculous since i\u2019m pretty sure you\u2019re not cheating on your wife or stealing from your company.\u201d<\/p>\n

he goes beat red because now i\u2019m embarrassed him, and i feel really fucking bad because i didn\u2019t mean to embarrass him, but also hey dude fuck you<\/p>\n

SO OF COURSE he says\u00a0\u201cdid your parents teach you any manners?\u201d<\/p>\n

and there goes the last of my embarrassment because hey fuck you dude<\/i>\u00a0the only person who can insult my parents is fucking me<\/i>. and i say, without even thinking because this is when you have the snappiest rejoinders,\u00a0\u201cwell they did teach me not to open unsolicited conversation with a stranger by insulting them so.\u201d<\/p>\n

at this point the dude\u2019s wife shows up and they leave, and the waiter asks me if i want anything to drink and i\u2019m like\u00a0\u201cyes please give me all your vodka\u201d but instead i say\u00a0\u201cice water\u201d because the pavement is melting <\/i>and if i puke from nerves after that, i don\u2019t want to snort alcohol out my nose<\/p>\n

that\u2019s it that\u2019s my story<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Epic.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

this is gorgeous. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

naamahdarling: ranakanth: skiesovergideon: gather round tumblr it\u2019s time for a story about why you shouldn\u2019t solicit conversation with a stranger with a put down about their generation i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as … <\/p>\n

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