{"id":90741,"date":"2016-07-27T23:27:18","date_gmt":"2016-07-27T23:27:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/07\/27\/roane72-ageisia-jerseydevious\/"},"modified":"2016-07-27T23:27:18","modified_gmt":"2016-07-27T23:27:18","slug":"roane72-ageisia-jerseydevious","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/07\/27\/roane72-ageisia-jerseydevious\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

roane72<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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ageisia<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jerseydevious<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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spineys-artly-blog<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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spineys-artly-blog<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jerseydevious<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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admfirmuspiett<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jerseydevious<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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thatdysfunctionalkingdom<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jerseydevious<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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wigglyflippingout<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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jerseydevious<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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there\u2019s all these aus about vader finding luke and smuggling him away to the empire in a clever moment of mental clarity, but please consider this crack au: after being faced with slavery, his mother\u2019s death, tusken raiders, sand, obi-wan kenobi, seeing the larses, and tatooine in general, vader lays eyes on toddler luke skywalker – his son, which meant palpatine lied, holy fuck i\u2019m a father, oh god padme i\u2019m so sorry – and flips. <\/p>\n

this is the straw that breaks the semi-rational sith lord\u2019s back. in true anakin skywalker fashion, vader panics, scoops his son into his arms, charges into mos espa and turns it upside down, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, slams random hyperspace coordinates, and is thrown into space with no real idea where he\u2019s going or when he\u2019s going to get there. with a toddler.<\/p>\n

to make things more interesting, obi-wan snuck aboard the ship, but dropped his lightsaber in the ruckus of sneaking into imperial ranks. and poor, poor firmus piett, a lowly officer who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, runs smack into him.<\/p>\n

and they\u2019re all stuck on a ship, indefinitely. with a toddler.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

sweet baby jesus i love this idea<\/p>\n

just vader, picking up toddler luke under his arm like a football, and RUNNING LIKE FUCKING HELL<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

[darth vader voice] I HAVE YOU NOW<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

*toddler Luke SCREAMING the whole time*<\/p>\n

obiwan just having a nervous breakdown
\u201cwhat what why are you doing this you\u2019re evil but but what what is this someone shut that child up\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

i love that people are contributing this is AMAZING<\/p>\n

vader hefts the child into his arms – YOU CAN\u2019T HAVE HIM – and literally turns away from everyone else like a kid with a new mcdonald\u2019s toy. you can\u2019t have him, YOU CAN\u2019T EVEN LOOK AT HIM. luke quiets down because he\u2019s up so high and he can see EVERYTHING and it\u2019s fascinating. luke\u2019s an easily impressed kid, after all. (and there are vents up here that he can nearly reach to crawl through!)<\/p>\n

obi-wan: you can\u2019t take luke from me, darth.
vader, probably: LIKE YOU TOOK MY LIMBS???? HUH OBI-WAN????? HUH?????<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

What if at one point Obi-wan and Vader get all huffy and refuse to speak to each other and Piett has to act as the go between.<\/p>\n

vader: tell that washed up old man that i know exactly what i\u2019m doing<\/p>\n

piett: \u2026<\/p>\n

piett: yes, lord vader<\/p>\n

piett: excuse me, master jedi, but lord vader has everything under control<\/p>\n

obi-wan: [huffs] That walking disaster hasn\u2019t had anything under control since he was nine, and you can tell him i said that. In fact, i insist<\/p>\n

piett: [looks into the camera like on the office]<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

oh god i have to write this now. you\u2019ve convinced me, I AM SOLD. THERE IS ALMOST NOTHING BETTER THAN THIS IMAGE. <\/p>\n

imagine it gets to the point where vader and obi-wan are screaming at each other with piett stuck in the middle, and luke, his attention torn away from the pretty lights on vader\u2019s chest, clambers up and pats vader right over the respirator. \u201cstop,\u201d luke, a 2 year old, orders, patting sith lord darth vader gently on the face. \u201cis mean,\u201d announces luke.<\/p>\n

vader re-settles luke in his arms. \u201csay sowwy,\u201d luke demands. vader, reluctantly, apologizes. he\u2019s not taken with this child at all, obviously he\u2019s just trying to earn luke\u2019s respect, clearly. duh.<\/p>\n

luke clambers off vader and toddles to piett to give him the biggest hug. \u201ci sowwy,\u201d says luke, solemnly. piett is about to faint. first lord vader, now the lordling? this is Too Much. vader\u2019s probably giving piett the most terrifying death glare from behind his mask.<\/p>\n

with the blessing of the Great and Powerful Luke Skywalker, piett can DEMAND THESE TWO STOP BEING CHILDREN but quietly, with a lot of respect. <\/p>\n

obi-wan, meanwhile: i need a drink. i need a whole liquor bottle<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I need to draw this<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

<\/figure>\n<\/p>\n

I said I would.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I THINK I\u2019VE DIED AND ASCENDED TO HEAVEN<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

@suzukiblu<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And this is the story of how Luke Skywalker ended the Galactic Civil War by being an impossibly, irresistibly adorable 2 year old with big blue eyes and a strong sense of THAT\u2019S MEAN, STOP THAT.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

roane72: ageisia: jerseydevious: spineys-artly-blog: spineys-artly-blog: jerseydevious: admfirmuspiett: jerseydevious: thatdysfunctionalkingdom: jerseydevious: wigglyflippingout: jerseydevious: there\u2019s all these aus about vader finding luke and smuggling him away to the empire in a clever moment of mental clarity, but please consider this crack au: after being faced with slavery, his mother\u2019s death, tusken raiders, sand, obi-wan kenobi, seeing the … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[1534,251,79,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90741"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=90741"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90741\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=90741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=90741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=90741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}