{"id":286009,"date":"2018-08-26T20:17:10","date_gmt":"2018-08-26T20:17:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/08\/26\/clockworkheartscaptain\/"},"modified":"2018-08-26T20:17:10","modified_gmt":"2018-08-26T20:17:10","slug":"clockworkheartscaptain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/08\/26\/clockworkheartscaptain\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

clockworkheartscaptain<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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letsboldlygomotherfuckers<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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rockpaperscissorsgun<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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emilyelizabethfowl<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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thebritishteapot<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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spacecores<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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youlovelucie<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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artwlw<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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diyozas<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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adventurotica<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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three-course-dessert<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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runicbinary<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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la-mancha-screwjob<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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sugar4ndroses<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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narwhalsarefalling<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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starlightandcrimescenes<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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gin-and-eschatonic<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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agrestenoir<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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commanderfraya<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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icouldwritebooks<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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mirab3lle<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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thomrainierskies<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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mugsandpugs1<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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hermionegranger<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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autisticcole<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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debrides<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (\u201csay bye bus!\u201d) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m glad there\u2019s a teacher version of\u00a0\u201caccidentally called teacher\u00a0\u2018mom\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people \u201cmy lord\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

One time during family prayer, dad began: \u201cour father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say\u00a0\u2018Welcome to White Castle, what\u2019s your crave?\u2019) asked,\u00a0\u201cWelcome to White Castle, what\u2019s your problem?\u201d<\/p>\n

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Yesterday I went to Wendy\u2019s and the girl said \u201cWelcome to McDonalds\u201d and then just sighed<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered \u201cplease open your books to page eight\u201d, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy – ill ask the same question twice, or say \u201c$2.60 is your total\u201d while handing back their change, or say \u201chow are you doing today?\u201d instead of \u201chave a good day!\u201d like name it ive bungled it<\/p>\n

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: \u201cfew books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both\u201d<\/p>\n

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say \u201cthanks, youre all set\u201d and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said \u201cthanks, youre important\u201d<\/p>\n

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said \u201coh thank you! youre important too!\u201d<\/p>\n

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was \u201cat least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined \u2018youre welcome\u2019 and \u2018no problem\u2019 into \u2018youre a problem\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, \u201cThis is why we use our walking feet.\u201d<\/p>\n

we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, \u201cyeah, okay, i should\u2019ve done that.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like \u201cbehind\u201d and \u201ccoming around\u201d as I maneuver through spaces and around people.<\/p>\n

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I\u2019m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.<\/p>\n

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a \u201ccoming with a knife\u201d while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her \u201cHello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex\u201d <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying \u201cis that for here or to go?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with \u201cgladly\u201d or \u201cmy pleasure\u201d, I die completely 1000% inside<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying \u201cRobert\u201d I hollered \u201cName and donor number!?\u201d into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said,\u00a0\u201cokay, that\u2019ll be $5.46!\u201d I cheerfully responded,\u00a0\u201cDo you have a Borders rewards card?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog \u201cSir\u201d when I was mad at him.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, \u201cNot a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!\u201d before realizing my mistake.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout \u201ci can get the next person in line!\u201d but instead of saying that she yelled \u201cHI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH\u201d to everyone in the general area<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I have told my dog \u201cno thank you\u201d so many times after working at a preschool <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

a couple of times i\u2019ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer\u2019s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like,\u00a0\u201cno\u2026 I<\/i>\u00a0have the bags\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

i live for stories like these<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

i work with kids, one time i came back from a long shift and ended up (successfully) telling my dad to \u201cStop it.\u201d in the most commanding tone i have ever heard when he was being loud at dinner. i have never felt so mortified yet so powerful.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m a cinematographer and I was sharing a room with a friend while we were shooting my last film and I woke him up yelling \u201cI just don\u2019t understand what you want from this shot\u201d <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I work in customer service, at a maze, where we have to hand out flags,and overall it\u2019s good for just general life, good people skill and all that jazz, apart from, when, after eight hours in the hot sun I turned around to my companion who asked me what the time was and handed him a flag, then walked off. I\u2019ve responded to phone calls with \u201cDo you have your map and flag.\u201d Many times in the past. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

clockworkheartscaptain: letsboldlygomotherfuckers: rockpaperscissorsgun: emilyelizabethfowl: thebritishteapot: spacecores: youlovelucie: artwlw: diyozas: adventurotica: three-course-dessert: runicbinary: la-mancha-screwjob: sugar4ndroses: narwhalsarefalling: starlightandcrimescenes: gin-and-eschatonic: agrestenoir: commanderfraya: icouldwritebooks: mirab3lle: thomrainierskies: mugsandpugs1: hermionegranger: autisticcole: debrides: I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (\u201csay bye bus!\u201d) & … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[382,62,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/286009"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=286009"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/286009\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=286009"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=286009"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=286009"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}