{"id":284697,"date":"2018-09-09T00:15:08","date_gmt":"2018-09-09T00:15:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/09\/09\/gothfirefaerie-dodgylogic\/"},"modified":"2018-09-09T00:15:08","modified_gmt":"2018-09-09T00:15:08","slug":"gothfirefaerie-dodgylogic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/09\/09\/gothfirefaerie-dodgylogic\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

gothfirefaerie<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

dodgylogic<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

aztec-demigod-from-space<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

cheeseanonioncrisps<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

A lot of \u2018humans are weird\u2019 posts play with the idea that humans are one of the few species that actually evolved as a predator and, as such, we are unusually strong and fast\u2014 but what if we\u2019re not.<\/p>\n

What if we\u2019re tiny?<\/p>\n

What if, to the majority of species in the galaxy, ten feet tall is unusually short\u2014 it basically only happens due to rare genetic conditions\u2014 and the average human is basically cat sized or smaller?<\/p>\n

Instead of being terrified by our strength, the aliens\u2019 most pressing concern is how exactly they\u2019re going to communicate with us when we\u2019re all the way down on the ground.<\/p>\n

There are experiments, with aliens crouching low or humans standing on high platforms\u2014 but it usually ends up being either uncomfortable for the alien or dangerous for the human, or both, and just generally impractical for everyone.<\/p>\n

But, while the diplomats and politicians are trying to figure out a dignified and simple solution, the ordinary people who actually have to work with the aliens have found one. Humans are, generally, pretty good climbers, and most species have conveniently places scales, feathers, fur or clothing that can act as a hand or foothold. Sure, some humans have a fear of heights, but those aren\u2019t typically the ones going into space. Besides, climbing on a living alien often feels safer than climbing up a rock or something\u2014 at least you know you\u2019ve got somebody to catch you.<\/p>\n

Soon it becomes accepted that that\u2019s the way humans travel with aliens\u2014 up high, easy to see and hard to tread on (there were quite a few\u2026 near misses, in the first few meetings between humans and aliens), balanced on somebody\u2019s shoulder like the overgrown monkeys that we are.<\/p>\n

Many humans see this as kind of an insult and absolutely refuse to go along with it, but they aren\u2019t the ones who end up spending a lot of time with aliens\u2014 it\u2019s just too inconvenient to talk to somebody all the way down on the ground. The ones that do best are the ones who just treat it like it\u2019s normal, allowing themselves to be carried (at least, it\u2019s \u2018carrying\u2019 when the aliens are within earshot. Among themselves, most humans jokingly refer to it as \u2018riding\u2019), and passing on tips to their friends about the best ways to ride on different species without damaging feathers, or stepping on sensitive spots (or, in at least one case, ending up with a foot full of poisonous spines\u2026).<\/p>\n

The reason they don\u2019t feel patronised by this is that they know, and they know that nearly everyone else in the galaxy knows, that humans are not just pets.<\/p>\n

After all, you\u2019d be surprised when a small size comes in handy. <\/p>\n

Need somebody to look at the wiring in a small and fairly inaccessible area of the ship? Ask a human.<\/p>\n

Need somebody to fix this fairly small and very detailed piece of machinery? Ask a human, they\u2019re so small that their eyes naturally pick up smaller details.<\/p>\n

Trapped under rubble and need somebody to crawl through a small gap and get help? Ask a human\u2014 most can wriggle through any gap that they can fit their head and shoulders through.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a friend, humans can be very useful. If, on the other hand, you\u2019re an enemy\u2026<\/p>\n

Rumours spread all around the galaxy, of ships that threatened humans or human allies and started experiencing technical problems. Lights going off, wires being cut\u2014 in some cases, the cases where the threats were more than just words and humans or friends of humans were killed, life support lines have been severed, or airlocks have mysteriously malfunctioned and whole crews have been sucked out into space.<\/p>\n

If the subject comes up, most humans will blame it on \u201cgremlins\u201d and exchange grim smiles when they\u2019re other species friends aren\u2019t looking.<\/p>\n

By this point, most ships have a crew of humans, whether they like it or not. Lots of humans, young ones generally, the ones who want to see a bit of the universe but don\u2019t have the money or connections to make it happen any other way, like to stowaway on ships. They\u2019ll hang around the space ports, wait for a ship\u2019s door to open and dart on in. The average human can have quite a nice time scurrying around in the walls of an alien ship, so long as they\u2019re careful not to dislodge anything important.<\/p>\n

Normally nobody notices them, and the ones that do tend not \u00a0to say anything\u2014 it\u2019s generally recognised that having humans on your ship is good luck.<\/p>\n

If there are humans on your ship, they say, then anything you lose will be found within a matter of days, sometimes even in your quarters; any minor task you leave out\u2014 some dishes that need to be cleaned, a report that needs to be spellchecked, some calculations that need to be done\u2014 will be quickly and quietly completed during the night; any small children on the ship, who are still young enough to start to cry in the night, will be soothed almost before their parents even wake, sometimes even by words in their own tongue, spoken clumsily through human vocal chords. If any of the human are engineers (and a lot of them are, and still more of them aren\u2019t, but have picked up quite a few tricks on their travels from humans who are) then minor malfunctions will be fixed before you even notice them, and your ship is significantly less likely to experience any major problems.<\/p>\n

The humans are eager to earn their keep, especially when the more grateful aliens start leaving out dishes of human-safe foods for them. <\/p>\n

This, again, is considered good luck\u2014 especially since the aliens who aren\u2019t kind to the humans often end up losing things, or waking up to find that their fur has been cut, or the report they spent hours on yesterday has mysteriously been deleted.<\/p>\n

To human crew members, who work on alien ships out in the open, and have their names on the crew manifest and everything, these small groups of humans are colloquially referred to as \u2018ship\u2019s rats\u2019. There\u2019s a sort of uneasy relationship between the two groups. On the one hand, the crew members regard the ship\u2019s rats as spongers and potential nuisances\u2014 on the other hand, most human crew members started out as ship\u2019s rats themselves, and now benefit from the respect (and more than a little awe) that the ship\u2019s rats have made most aliens feel for humans. The general arrangement is that ship\u2019s rats try to avoid ships with human crew members and, when they can\u2019t, then they make sure to stay out of the crew members\u2019 way, and the crew members who do see one make sure not to mention them to any alien crew members.<\/p>\n

The aliens who know, on the other hand, have gotten into the habit of not calling them by name\u2014 mainly because they\u2019re shaky as the legality of this arrangement, and don\u2019t want to admit that anything\u2019s going on. Instead they talk about \u201cthe little people\u201d or \u201cthe ones in the walls\u201d or, more vaguely, \u201cThem\u201d. <\/p>\n

Their human friends\u2014 balancing on their shoulders, occasionally scurrying down and arm so as to get to a table, or jumping from one person\u2019s shoulder to another, in order to better follow the conversation\u2014 laugh quietly to themselves when they hear this.<\/p>\n

Back before the first first contact, lot of people on Earth thought that humans would become space orcs. Little did they know, they\u2019d actually end up as space fae.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Space fae\u2026 I love it\u2026 aliens would wake to a full hot breakfast ready\u2026 and maybe some missing currencies <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

humans as marginally less-drunk Nac Mac Feegles<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

gothfirefaerie: dodgylogic: aztec-demigod-from-space: cheeseanonioncrisps: A lot of \u2018humans are weird\u2019 posts play with the idea that humans are one of the few species that actually evolved as a predator and, as such, we are unusually strong and fast\u2014 but what if we\u2019re not. What if we\u2019re tiny? What if, to the majority of species in … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[2108,643,17732,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284697"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=284697"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284697\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=284697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=284697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=284697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}