{"id":281220,"date":"2018-10-11T19:29:20","date_gmt":"2018-10-11T19:29:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/10\/11\/cannibalcoalition-thestepfordpoolboys-2\/"},"modified":"2018-10-11T19:29:20","modified_gmt":"2018-10-11T19:29:20","slug":"cannibalcoalition-thestepfordpoolboys-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/10\/11\/cannibalcoalition-thestepfordpoolboys-2\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/165976778496\/thestepfordpoolboys-cannibalcoalition\" class=\"tumblr_blog\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/thestepfordpoolboys.tumblr.com\/post\/165976358418\/cannibalcoalition-cannibalcoalition\" class=\"tumblr_blog\" target=\"_blank\">thestepfordpoolboys<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/152560642486\/cannibalcoalition-cannibalcoalition\" class=\"tumblr_blog\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/151392898156\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/151343782836\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/151077156981\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/151029969466\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/151029367694\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/151028039761\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p><a class=\"tumblr_blog\" href=\"http:\/\/cannibalcoalition.tumblr.com\/post\/150555186586\" target=\"_blank\">cannibalcoalition<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>Okay, so here\u2019s the story about the pumpkins:<\/p>\n<p>My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit of a fall theme. Not overbearingly, but the tables all had these tiny pumpkins.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>So they\u2019re cleaning up at the end of it and we\u2019re still hanging out because we haven\u2019t seen these people in forever and we can talk until three in the morning when we get together. All of a sudden, the Maid of Honor hands us a tiny pumpkin.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTake one.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUm\u2026 okay?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTake another.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2026.?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt is my duty as Maid of Honor to make sure that the guests leave with an uncomfortable number of tiny pumpkins.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So it turns out that she\u2019d gotten a bunch of them for a Halloween party last year and after the party was over her mom threw them into the compost heap thinking that would be the end of it. But what she didn\u2019t seem to realize was that if you put pumpkins in a compost heap- it grows more pumpkins. It grows pumpkins exponentially. Serious mathematical anomaly pumpkins.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>So this year she has even more tiny pumpkins and she figured it would be a good idea to have them as decor for the reception. BUT- she would still have to throw them out at the end of the day and no matter where you throw them you are doomed to have a ridiculous amount of tiny pumpkins growing SOMEWHERE at your fault.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>So everyone left with at least two tiny pumpkins and that\u2019s how we made friends with the Maid of Honor.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>So I forgot about it and then the next morning I woke up and found these two tiny pumpkins in my purse and had a puzzling moment of\u00a0\u2018what?\u2019<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/6411ae1fbed328cf56bf2e7701d5056b\/tumblr_inline_oe6qa7Tkse1qcbg4h_540.jpg\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>We were invited to the Maid of Honor\u2019s house the other day so we could:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>take some of the flowers off her hands<\/li>\n<li>help with some post-wedding stuff<\/li>\n<li>watch the presidential debate<\/li>\n<li>play Clue for like three hours<\/li>\n<li>drink a lot of booze.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And there are just\u2026 tiny pumpkins EVERYWHERE.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/de46914acc6191ed51c9fe6dea571a2a\/tumblr_inline_oe6qltShLV1qcbg4h_540.jpg\" \/><\/figure>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>They were in the <i>bathroom.<\/i><\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/6622c5e74d1654609303ee74dfdd08ba\/tumblr_inline_oe6qmnvGPT1qcbg4h_540.jpg\" \/><\/figure>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>At the end of the night, I counted 26 tiny pumpkins, and that was just what I could see.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>It happened again.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/305833683e57c688859584a33ed611e8\/tumblr_inline_oe6sojVxIY1qcbg4h_540.jpg\" \/><\/figure>\n<p>Three pumpkins ended up in my purse this time.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>One of them has a face.\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/f2a3dc53a9f6b9c64c9304353b342bd6\/tumblr_inline_oe6spogA021qcbg4h_540.jpg\" \/><\/figure>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>I need to stop drinking with this woman.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/f6396139ba440670d5e1ea14507f0781\/tumblr_inline_oe8px1XFen1qcbg4h_540.jpg\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/p>\n<p>this is getting out of hand.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/194e97d35f537cfdd26b4f9017247bb0\/tumblr_inline_oejbiob5OT1qcbg4h_540.png\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Okay so I finally had a day off and decided that the best way to handle the pumpkin situation was to eat them and muffins sounded fucking fantastic. But I found out really fast that most recipes call for a\u00a0\u2018can\u2019 of pureed pumpkin and I don\u2019t have a scale to go by. So I figured that I had six pumpkins, it would probably amount to something like one can, right?<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Well\u2026 no.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>It ended up being something like two and a half cans-ish. And that\u2019s a really rough estimate. Turns out there\u2019s a lot more meat on those things than you think there\u2019d be. So I figured I could do something like double it and then make a half batch.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>But then I ran out of sugar. I mis-measured the baking soda. I only had whole cloves, so I had to grind them down and had to estimate how much I needed. I couldn\u2019t find the liquid measure.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m mixing up this giant bowl of pumpkin batter goo thinking shit shit shit this is going to be a mess. There\u2019s no way anyone is going to be able to eat these things. And there\u2019s no muffin cups. But I already made it this far and I\u2019m stubborn as hell so in the oven they go.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>I\u2026 kind of\u2026 forgot about them? Woops!<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Place starts smelling like Yankee Candle and I\u2019m like SHIT. Get over to the oven and\u2026\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>they\u2019re\u2026\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u2026.somehow perfect?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe a little dry, but they\u2019re fucking delicious. Fucking magic pumpkins. Truly I am a witch.\u00a0<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/114ae4d105056b1be7f6ffda400722ba\/tumblr_inline_oelamiyivi1qcbg4h_540.jpg\" alt=\"image\" \/><\/figure>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>So the moral of the story is that if life gives you tiny pumpkins, make them into muffins and give them right back.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Also roast the seeds because hell yeah.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Happy Halloween, everyone!<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/cb35e2d85b35ebffe50c6d36ae020e98\/tumblr_inline_ox7iv5GRNw1twcyx4_540.png\" \/><\/figure>\n<p>We\u2019ve found her in real life guys<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/1c25be8d2aa2c68e928bb4de76dcf700\/tumblr_inline_ox7iwhunLR1twcyx4_540.png\" \/><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/cb8d39ff83ac799997df200459daba25\/tumblr_inline_ox7ixg9VQA1twcyx4_540.png\" \/><\/figure>\n<p>An actul fictional character in real life<\/p>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/d5631defd6ba5748e6aa00fe0312b662\/tumblr_inline_ox7j14pLm51twcyx4_540.png\" \/><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"tmblr-full\"><img src=\"https:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/5045f5cae944acc4dfc7a9aad28e5bbd\/tumblr_inline_ox7j1ljGzL1twcyx4_540.png\" \/><\/figure>\n<p>she even baked with them<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>This is not the only evidence posed to me that I might, in fact, be a fictional character.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>cannibalcoalition: thestepfordpoolboys: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: cannibalcoalition: Okay, so here\u2019s the story about the pumpkins: My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/10\/11\/cannibalcoalition-thestepfordpoolboys-2\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[1526,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281220"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=281220"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281220\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=281220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=281220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=281220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}