{"id":280201,"date":"2018-10-21T04:12:55","date_gmt":"2018-10-21T04:12:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/10\/21\/heres-a-cool-trick-to-see-if-a-man-actually\/"},"modified":"2018-10-21T04:12:55","modified_gmt":"2018-10-21T04:12:55","slug":"heres-a-cool-trick-to-see-if-a-man-actually","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/10\/21\/heres-a-cool-trick-to-see-if-a-man-actually\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

lierdumoa<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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teratomarty<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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the-real-seebs<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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the-rain-monster<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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w0manifest<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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Here\u2019s a cool trick to see if a man actually respects you: try disagreeing with him<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

A friend of mine did something with online dating where, before meeting a person, she\u2019d say no to something minor without a reason for the no. For example: \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want to meet at a coffee shop, how about X?\u201d, or \u201cNo, not Wednesday\u201d, or \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want to recognize each other by both wearing green shirts\u201d. She said how the potential dates reacted was a huge indicator of whether she actually wanted to meet them, something I readily believe. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve mentioned this to a few people and sometimes I get very annoyed and incredulous responses from guys about how are they supposed to know that it\u2019s a test if the girl is being unreasonable? How are they supposed to know that and let her have her way? I find it difficult to explain that if you find it unreasonable for someone to have a preference of no consequence which they don\u2019t feel the need to explain, then you are the one being unreasonable. You can decide for yourself that it sounds flaky and you don\u2019t want to date her, but you don\u2019t have a right to know and approve all of her reasons for things in order to deign to respect that she said no about it. Especially in the case of someone you haven\u2019t even fucking met yet.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The point isn\u2019t to know it\u2019s a test, the point is that if you would only say \u201cyes\u201d if you knew it was a test, then what if it\u2019s not a test, but because she hates coffee shops, or because she\u2019s attending a funeral Wednesday and doesn\u2019t know you well enough to want to share that, or whatever else? Because if you\u2019re making rules for when other people can have preferences and not explain why\u2026 yeah, that is<\/em> a thing they can reasonably want to avoid.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

@ all the angry dudes in the replies: the point is not to trick or manipulate men. The point is to see how a potential romantic partner reacts to a minor inconvenience.\u00a0 If they say,\u00a0\u201coh, ok, would seven work instead?\u201d or\u00a0\u201cwell there\u2019s this Armenian tea house I\u2019ve been meaning to try out, want to go there?\u201d then that\u2019s a good sign that they\u2019re safe to date.\u00a0 If they throw a fit and\/or demand to know every little detail about your rationale over something as simple as rescheduling dinner plans, that\u2019s a bad sign. A really bad sign.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like this, dudes. Women in Western society are socialised to cooperate and compromise. Some men are socialised to get all their own way, all the time.\u00a0 These dudes are incredibly dangerous to women<\/strike> their partners,* and the only way to tell them apart<\/a> from the OK guys is to pay close attention to how they react.\u00a0 If you\u2019re one of the OK ones, this isn\u2019t about you. Learn to take\u00a0\u201cno\u201d for an answer, and you\u2019ll be fine.<\/p>\n

*Updated to reflect the fact that abusive men can target any gender, and the fact that I used this screening tactic to good effect during my Big Gay Slut phase.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The thing a lot of the men reblogging don\u2019t get \u2013 they think this post is telling women to lie. They think this post is telling women to start a fake argument and to be manipulative.<\/p>\n

Actually, this post is doing the opposite. This post is telling women to be straightforward, and forthright, and upfront about their values and opinions.<\/p>\n

This post is telling women, \u201cI know you\u2019ve been socialized and conditioned to nod and smile at everything a man says your whole life, since you were 4 years old and your grandma told you that little girls should be seen and not heard. I know that by now it\u2019s second nature to you, and you probably don\u2019t even realize you\u2019re doing it half the time. You don\u2019t even realize that the laugh that just came out of your mouth is a laugh of appeasement, rather than a laugh of genuine humor. \u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s telling women,\u00a0\u201cForce yourself to resist your conditioning. Consciously make an effort to be open and honest in that initial conversation,\u00a0when you\u2019re making small talk, about small things. If he says something you don\u2019t quite agree with (and he inevitably will, because nobody agrees on everything), don\u2019t smile and concede the point like you\u2019ve been trained to do. Consciously make a point of vocalizing your real opinion.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s telling women\u00a0\u201cIf a man doesn\u2019t respect your real opinion about a small, insignificant issue when you first meet him, then he\u2019s not going to respect your real boundaries later on when you\u2019re in a serious relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

lierdumoa: teratomarty: the-real-seebs: the-rain-monster: w0manifest: Here\u2019s a cool trick to see if a man actually respects you: try disagreeing with him A friend of mine did something with online dating where, before meeting a person, she\u2019d say no to something minor without a reason for the no. For example: \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want to meet … <\/p>\n

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