{"id":277159,"date":"2018-11-21T20:58:56","date_gmt":"2018-11-21T20:58:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/11\/21\/gilmorewrites-james-stark-the-writer\/"},"modified":"2018-11-21T20:58:56","modified_gmt":"2018-11-21T20:58:56","slug":"gilmorewrites-james-stark-the-writer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/11\/21\/gilmorewrites-james-stark-the-writer\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

gilmorewrites<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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james-stark-the-writer<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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gumfromsomechildren<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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radioproxy<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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i-am-an-adult-i-swear<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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moonsofavalon<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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bumbleandbumble<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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northcentralpositronics<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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northcentralpositronics<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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freyadragonlord<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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radio-freedunmovin<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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answersfromvanaheim<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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sapphichands<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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hobbitcreampuff<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because \u201cNo. that\u2019s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds I\u2019m about to teach you what really happened in France during the revolution\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I need this as a series<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Vampires sharing the recipe for Greek fire. <\/p>\n

Vampires speaking in dead languages.<\/p>\n

Vampires being able to translate untranslatable scripts.<\/p>\n

Vampires who react to straightwashing historical figures like \u201cAre you kidding me everyone knew that man was queer!\u201d<\/p>\n

Vampires from cultures who were once antagonistic towards each other stubbornly maintaining a friendship that\u2019s lasted longer than their civilizations. <\/p>\n

Vampires who honour forgotten deities you won\u2019t find in mythology books. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Also, vampires who secretly saved stuff from the Library of Alexandra.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

A vampire show that does not revolve all around sex and eternal cursed love.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

nerd vampire whose knowledge of current events is terrible but they can always remember everything that\u2019s considered\u00a0\u201chistory\u201d so they have a super-detailed knowledge of everything up to about thirty years ago and then ?????<\/p>\n

vampire who couldn\u2019t tell you what caravaggio was known for but duelled with him at least<\/i>\u00a0three times and slept with him at least ten.\u00a0\u201ccara-who OH YOU MEAN MICHAEL yeah he was cool\u201d<\/p>\n

vampire who spent 100 years in a convent and is still so bitter<\/i>\u00a0that in all that time they never made her mother superior \u201cGODDAMMIT I HAD SENIORITY! I HAD SENIORITY!\u201d\u00a0\u201cokay so first off janet, that was six hundred years ago, but more importantly, maybe if you didn\u2019t always start those complaints off with blasphemy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

vampire professor who just sort of showed up at oxford when it was founded and is still there (and nobody\u2019s noticed because he still never actually shows up to his lectures)<\/p>\n

vampire politician who lifts all their campaign speeches wholesale from speeches given 200 years ago and just waits for someone to catch them out (nobody ever does they\u2019re prime minister and their approval ratings are through the roof)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

WAIT I HAVE MORE<\/p>\n

queer vampire who constantly talks about the fashion for straightness and you need to be really careful because if you tell them straight is default they WILL scream at you for five days straight about what a modern concept heterosexuality is<\/p>\n

vampire hoarder who has an entire town where they just kept having to buy new houses to keep their stuff in and some of it\u2019s probably worth tens of millions by now but you\u2019ll never find it in among the 1950s kitschy kitten sculptures and boxes of newspaper (the newspaper is a wonderful mix of yesterday\u2019s guardian and daily courant<\/i>s\u00a0from 1725)<\/p>\n

vampire sailor from manderville\u2019s time who just has so many stories<\/i>\u00a0and some of them might even be true<\/p>\n

vampire bluestocking girl who took to the internet like a fish to water and spends her whole unlife engaging reddit antifeminists about women\u2019s rights because that\u2019s one fight she\u2019s determined to see through. also with the advent of cheap dyes she literally wears blue socks every day and hopes one day someone gets the joke<\/p>\n

vampire doctor who just gets SO CONFUSED about the literature because do you know how hard it is to keep up with medicine kevin? when i got my doctorate we thought leeches were good and then they were bad and now they\u2019re good again? i was published in issue one of the lancet kevin that is 387\u00a0lancets<\/i>\u00a0kevin how the hell am i meant to remember which one\u2019s current <\/i>kevin why are they saying cannabis is good for pain like this is news???\u00a0<\/b>(but also lives in a state of wonderment every day in hospital because wow<\/i>\u00a0look at all this stuff we can do now look at it kevin<\/i>!)<\/p>\n

entire coven of vampires constantly quibbling over manners because they\u2019re all from different periods:\u00a0\u201cHATS OFF AT TABLE\u201d\u00a0\u201cSCREW YOU LEONARD ONLY PEASANTS EAT BAREHEADED\u201d\u00a0\u201cTABITHA THAT HASN\u2019T BEEN GOOD MANNERS SINCE THE 1500S NOBODY HAS LICE ANY MORE\u201d\u00a0\u201cIT ISN\u2019T ABOUT LICE LEONARD IT\u2019S ABOUT GOOD MANNERS<\/i>\u00a0YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD MANNERS<\/i>\u00a0WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE OVER FOR DINNER\u201d\u00a0\u201cI SWEAR TO GOD TABITHA IF YOU MAKE THAT PUN ONE MORE TIME I WILL SHOVE YOUR STUPID HAT DOWN YOUR THROAT\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

vampire musicians who might not have been child prodigies but goddammit 500 years of practicing an instrument is bound to get you somewhere (also knowing the composer and being the first person to start playing a song doesn\u2019t hurt either)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

my favorite will always be vampires who know fuck-all about the standard major historical events because they were always somewhere else whenever big shit was going down:<\/p>\n

\u201cyeah i heard<\/i> about the hundred years war but i was in northern african at the time so\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cthe roman empire fell??? how did the fucking roman empire fall??? i spend a fucking handful of decades<\/i> in india and i come back to this???\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201crussia needs to stop having revolutions, i can\u2019t keep them all straight\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cwhen did france become a democracy?? and america\u2019s now it\u2019s own country??? i\u2019ve spent the last century in a forest in wallachia scaring small children so\u2013\u2013wHat dO yOU meAn we\u2019re calling it romania<\/i> now??? when the fuck did it become romania<\/i>???\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWE HAD A WORLD WAR??? WE HAD TWO WORLD WARS???? well obviously \u2018world\u2019 is an exaggeration because i heard nothing about it while i was lost in the amazon rainforest for the last fifty years\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201clisten i spent most of the fourteenth century as a pirate in the south china sea so someone\u2019s gonna had to clue me in on all this \u2018black plague\u2019 nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Drunk history but the guests are vampires<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

!<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

HOLY SHIT PEOPLE<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I need this in my life. Right now. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

this brought me so much joy<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Doctor who kinda did the professsor\u00a0thing (i know, time lords aren\u2019t vampires) but the Professor in Shada has been at cambridge for many many many years<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

gilmorewrites: james-stark-the-writer: gumfromsomechildren: radioproxy: i-am-an-adult-i-swear: moonsofavalon: bumbleandbumble: northcentralpositronics: northcentralpositronics: freyadragonlord: radio-freedunmovin: answersfromvanaheim: sapphichands: hobbitcreampuff: But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because \u201cNo. that\u2019s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds … <\/p>\n

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