{"id":276952,"date":"2018-11-23T21:17:06","date_gmt":"2018-11-23T21:17:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/11\/23\/stop-taking-people-with-dementia-to-the-cemetery\/"},"modified":"2018-11-23T21:17:06","modified_gmt":"2018-11-23T21:17:06","slug":"stop-taking-people-with-dementia-to-the-cemetery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/11\/23\/stop-taking-people-with-dementia-to-the-cemetery\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery"},"content":{"rendered":"

stripedsilverfeline<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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drgaellon<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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dementia-by-day<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n<\/figure>\n

\u201cOh yeah, every time that dad forgets mom is dead, we head to the cemetery so he can see her gravestone.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

WHAT. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve heard some version of this awful story.<\/b>\u00a0Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery. Seriously. I cringe every single time someone tells me about their\u00a0\u201cplan\u201d to remind a loved one that their loved one is dead.<\/p>\n

I also hear this a lot:\u00a0\u201cI keep reminding mom that her sister is dead, and sometimes she recalls it once I\u2019ve said it.\u201d That\u2019s still not a good thing. Why are we trying to force people to remember that their loved ones have passed away?<\/p>\n

If your loved one with dementia has lost track of their timeline, and forgotten that a loved one is dead, don\u2019t remind them. What\u2019s the point of reintroducing that kind of pain? Here\u2019s the thing: they will forget again, and they will ask again. You\u2019re never, ever, ever, going to \u201cconvince\u201d them of something permanently.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Instead, do this:<\/p>\n

\u201cDad, where do you think mom is?\u201d<\/p>\n

When he tells you the answer, repeat that answer to him and assert that it sounds correct. For example, if he says,\u00a0\u201cI think mom is at work,\u201d say,\u00a0\u201cYes, that sounds right, I think she must be at work.\u201d If he says,\u00a0\u201cI think she passed away,\u201d say,\u00a0\u201cYes, she passed away.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

People like the answer that they gave you. Also, it takes you off the hook to\u00a0\u201ccome up with something\u201d that satisfies them. Then, twenty minutes later, when they ask where mom is, repeat what they originally told you.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I support this sentiment. Repeatedly reminding someone with faulty memory that a loved one has died isn\u2019t a kindness, it\u2019s a cruelty. They have to relieve the loss every time, even if they don\u2019t remember the grief 15 minutes later.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

In other words, don\u2019t try to impose your timeline on them in order to make yourself<\/i> feel better. Correcting an afflicted dementia patient will not cure them. They won\u2019t magically return to your \u2018real world\u2019. No matter how much you might want them to.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a kindness of old age, forgetting. Life can be very painful. Don\u2019t be the one ripping off the bandage every single time.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

stripedsilverfeline: drgaellon: dementia-by-day: \u201cOh yeah, every time that dad forgets mom is dead, we head to the cemetery so he can see her gravestone.\u201d WHAT. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve heard some version of this awful story.\u00a0Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery. Seriously. I cringe every single time someone tells … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[335,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276952"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=276952"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276952\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=276952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=276952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=276952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}