{"id":276261,"date":"2018-12-02T09:23:17","date_gmt":"2018-12-02T09:23:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/12\/02\/rebelgirlmatrix1213-ash-is-boss\/"},"modified":"2018-12-02T09:23:17","modified_gmt":"2018-12-02T09:23:17","slug":"rebelgirlmatrix1213-ash-is-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2018\/12\/02\/rebelgirlmatrix1213-ash-is-boss\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

rebelgirlmatrix1213<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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ash-is-boss<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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cameoamalthea<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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rhetoricalproceeds<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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probably-voldemort<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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probably-voldemort<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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My family is not very religious most of the time. \u00a0We pray at Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving dinners, and my mom\u2019s entire side of the family excluding her parents and siblings is hardcore religious so whenever we do anything with them it\u2019s kind of religious.<\/p>\n

But the point is, most of the time we aren\u2019t, but every year at Christmas time, a church in the next town over puts on a Bethlehem and it\u2019s kind of a tradition to go. \u00a0They go all out. \u00a0The building is massive, and they\u2019ve got it all decked out. \u00a0There\u2019s animals and stalls and everyone is in costume and in character. \u00a0When you get there, they give you some pennies and you can go and barter for cool little trinkets, and there\u2019s other more expensive things you can buy with your own money. \u00a0And they have the best apple cider. \u00a0All in all, it\u2019s pretty cool.<\/p>\n

But anyway. \u00a0We go every year, bundled up in hats and scarves and mittens, and have a good time. \u00a0We\u2019ve been doing it for as long as I can remember, and my mom talks about going when she was a kid.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to mention again that everyone is massively in character, especially the really super hardcore religious adults. \u00a0Because this is an important fact.<\/p>\n

Every year since I was about thirteen or so, there\u2019s been this one lady who worked at a stall selling ponchos (I have, like, three. \u00a0They\u2019re really cool). \u00a0She was probably there before that, but I was thirteen when she started trying to barter for me to marry her son, who was also about thirteen.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat a pretty little thing. \u00a0I think you\u2019d make a very good wife for my son. \u00a0These are your parents? \u00a0I\u2019ll give you six goats for your daughter\u2019s marriage to my son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her son, meanwhile, is in the \u201cshop\u201d behind her looking absolutely mortified and like he\u2019d rather be anywhere else than there, and I\u2019m pretty sure I probably looked just as embarrassed.<\/p>\n

My parents gave her some sort of excuse, like it wasn\u2019t enough goats or they weren\u2019t ready to marry me off yet or something, and we moved on.<\/p>\n

The next year we\u2019re back again, and come up near to the same stall.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh! \u00a0You\u2019re back again! \u00a0Have you married your daughter off yet? \u00a0I can up my offer to nine goats and three chickens for your daughter to marry my son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Somehow she remembered the exact people she\u2019d tried to buy their daughter off of for an entire year? \u00a0So my parents are refusing her offers again and me and the son are trading embarrassed looks and we go on our way.<\/p>\n

And then it happens again. \u00a0And again. \u00a0And again. \u00a0Each and every one of the last six years this lady has tried to buy me in goats to be her son\u2019s wife.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0A couple years ago when we were waiting in line to get inside my mom jokingly said that they should accept this year and see what she\u2019d do and I completely refused because it was mortifying enough as it was.<\/p>\n

One year we brought my friend with us and we\u2019re waiting outside and my sister was like\u00a0\u201cAre you gonna sell Kee this year?\u201d and my dad was like\u00a0\u201cMaybe if there\u2019s enough goats\u201d and my friend was confused as heck and I was like\u00a0\u201cThis lady tries to buy me to marry her son every year. \u00a0I told you that\u201d and she\u2019s like\u00a0\u201cYeah but I didn\u2019t think this was a thing that actually happened\u201d and she was still skeptical and by the time my parents had finished refusing the lady\u2019s offer, she\u2019s killing herself laughing and then spent the next few months telling me I couldn\u2019t look at guys because I already had a fianc\u00e9e.<\/p>\n

Anyway, it happened again this Christmas and the son has somehow gotten almost ridiculously attractive since last year. \u00a0The speech this year had something to do with how I was far too old to not have a husband yet, and the son and I just rolled our eyes at each other as his mom tried to barter with my parents for me.<\/p>\n

This year\u2019s offer was twenty six goats and nine chickens. \u00a0My sister looked up how much goats are worth, and was mad our parents didn\u2019t sell me so she could have sold the goats and gotten $2000-$8000 for them. \u00a0My dad says they\u2019re waiting out on an offer of a camel. \u00a0My brother thinks they should have it more than once a year so he can get more apple cider.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m back at uni, and in my first psych class of the semester the guy sitting beside me looked really familiar. \u00a0<\/p>\n

As in his-mom-tries-to-buy-me-with-goats-every-Christmas familiar.<\/p>\n

That kind of familiar.<\/p>\n

We introduced ourselves before class started and I sat there for a couple minutes readying to make a total fool of myself in case I was wrong before turning to him again.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is going to sound really weird if you aren\u2019t who I think you are, but by any chance does your mom try to buy you a wife with goats every Christmas?\u201d<\/p>\n

His friend gives me a weird look as he walks past me to sit on the other side of him, but he\u2019s definitely putting the pieces together.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s you? \u00a0Bethlehem in [city name], right? \u00a0God, my mom is so mortifying.\u201d<\/p>\n

And we both kinda laugh and meanwhile his friend is giving us both weird looks now because apparently he didn\u2019t know that his friend\u2019s mom was trying to buy him a wife using livestock.<\/p>\n

So he turns to his friend and is like<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I forgot to introduce you. \u00a0Danny, this is my fianc\u00e9e, Kee.\u201d<\/p>\n

And I kinda rolled my eyes and was like<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not actually your fianc\u00e9e. \u00a0Your mom hasn\u2019t offered my parents enough goats yet. \u00a0But apparently my dad will sell me for a camel.\u201d<\/p>\n

And he laughed and shook his head like<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not telling my mom that. \u00a0I don\u2019t want to see what she has planned for if your parents ever accept.\u201d<\/p>\n

So yeah. \u00a0His friend was really confused by that point and we explained it to him and it turns out he\u2019s pretty cool and we\u2019re Facebook friends now and hang out in psych classes. \u00a0Apparently his mom only ever tries to buy me for him and she and my mom had gone to the same church growing up which is why she can always pick us out.<\/p>\n

So yeah. \u00a0That\u2019s the story of how some lady tries to use goats to buy me to be her ridiculously attractive son\u2019s wife every Christmas, and how he\u2019s in my class and we\u2019re friends now.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It was the 23rd of December, 2017, and my sister had convinced her friend to come with us this year.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s where Kee\u2019s fianc\u00e9 usually is,\u201d Sam explained as we stood in the line waiting to get inside. \u00a0Her friend gave her the same sceptical look she\u2019d apparently been giving since Sam had first told her.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not my fianc\u00e9,\u201d I pointed out, trying to rub some feeling back into my hands. \u00a0The Goat Guy had been texting me updates since that morning. \u00a0The organizers had discussed it at length, but apparently temperatures of negative eighteen, thirteen inches of snow, and a blizzard warning weren\u2019t quite enough to have Bethlehem cancelled (or for my parents to decide to skip it this year). \u00a0Hashtag Canada.<\/p>\n

The line was long this year, and we\u2019d already been standing out in the cold for the better part of half an hour. \u00a0My brother was loudly lamenting the fact that we couldn\u2019t get to the hot apple cider until we\u2019d made it inside.<\/p>\n

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I braved taking off a glove to check it.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho do you keep texting?\u201d my mom asked, not-so-subtly trying to peer over my shoulder at my phone.<\/p>\n

\u201cGregory from psychology,\u201d I told her, sending off a text informing him that we were still in line. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t technically a lie, since, you know, that was his actual name and he was in my psychology classes. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t my fault that my family only knew him as the Goat Guy.<\/p>\n

\u201cOoo,\u201d Sam teased, elbowing me in the ribs, her bony elbows hurting less than usual through all our layers. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m going to tell your fianc\u00e9 he has competition, and then maybe they\u2019ll offer us something useful. \u00a0Like a car or a trip to Hawaii or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

I snorted again. \u00a0\u201cOne, he\u2019s still not my fianc\u00e9. \u00a0Two, he doesn\u2019t have competition, because I\u2019m not interested in him or in Gregory. \u00a0And, three, this isn\u2019t a game show. \u00a0If anything, his mom will just offer maybe a horse or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I have the horse?\u201d<\/p>\n

I rolled my eyes, glancing at my phone as another text came in. \u00a0Hurry up. \u00a0\u201cSure, Cole.\u201d<\/p>\n

My brother pumped his fist in the air. \u00a0\u201cNice.\u201d<\/p>\n

It took another ten minutes or so to make it to the front of the line, and my family had placed their bets on the amount of farm animals that would be offered this year. \u00a0My dad reminded me that he was selling me if they offered a camel, and I rolled my eyes, trying to act as reluctant to get to that part of the night as I usually was. \u00a0Apparently I didn\u2019t do as good a job as I thought I did, since Mom questioned me.<\/p>\n

I shrugged, feeling my phone go off again. \u00a0\u201cI guess I\u2019ve just decided to go with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sam rolled her eyes. \u00a0\u201cShe thinks he\u2019s hot,\u201d she told her friend. \u00a0Which, well, it wasn\u2019t exactly untrue. \u00a0Objectively the Goat Guy was ridiculously attractive, but that doesn\u2019t mean I want to (or have time to) date him.<\/p>\n

We\u2019d reached the entrance by that point, and were given our little pouches of pennies to buy small trinkets and ducked into the (compared to outside, at least) warmth of Bethlehem.<\/p>\n

Roman soldiers milled amongst the people, asking for taxes and wanting to see our papers. \u00a0We didn\u2019t have papers, obviously, but the soldier who checked us took an extra penny as a bribe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait,\u201d Sam\u2019s friend said, stopping in her tracks. \u00a0\u201cThere\u2019s a petting zoo?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was, in fact, a petting zoo. \u00a0The petting zoo and the apple cider were there to keep us pacified as we waited for the soldiers to allow us entrance into Bethlehem, and Cole and our parents went off to get us something to drink while I followed Sam and her friend to see the animals.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is this?\u201d Sam asked, frowning. \u00a0\u201cWhere are all the animals?\u201d<\/p>\n

There were significantly less animals than usual. \u00a0Two whole pens were empty, and I could see a few soldiers and townspeople whispering to each other in a panic.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe they were too cold,\u201d I suggested, reaching out to pat a pig\u2019s head. \u00a0It snorted and turned away.<\/p>\n

My parents and brother returned with our drinks, and I sighed into the bliss that is Bethlehem hot apple cider, and, by the time we made it to the gates to listen as the soldiers reminded us of laws that I don\u2019t remember, I actually had a bit of feeling back in my fingers and face.<\/p>\n

I pulled off a glove, typing up a quick text. \u00a0We\u2019re in.<\/p>\n

The stalls were as neat as they always were. \u00a0I bought a wooden hammer to add to my collection for a couple pennies. \u00a0My mom dug out her wallet to buy a carved wooden bowl. \u00a0Sam and her friend took selfies with a girl from their soccer team who was working in a bakery and she snuck them a free scone. \u00a0Cole found another apple cider vendor and took three cups for himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook,\u201d Sam said, grinning wickedly as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders. \u00a0\u201cThere it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

And there it was. \u00a0The Goat Guy\u2019s mom was standing outside her shop, heckling with a couple over the price of a rug.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat is a poncho,\u201d I agreed, glancing at one hanging on the side of the shop and deciding I was going to buy it after this whole thing was over.<\/p>\n

Sam rolled her eyes. \u00a0\u201cYou know that\u2019s not what I mean,\u201d she pointed out, craning her neck. \u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t see your fianc\u00e9, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s because I don\u2019t have one,\u201d I pointed out, stopping to look at the smithery so I didn\u2019t look too eager to get there.<\/p>\n

No one bought that I actually wanted to see some guy pound metal with a hammer (there wasn\u2019t an actual fire or anything, so he was really just sitting there hitting it), so they dragged me across the hall, grins on their faces.<\/p>\n

The Goat Guy\u2019s mom, who we will henceforth refer to as the Goat Mom for sake of ease, perked up as she saw us heading towards them, finishing up her bartering and holding her arms out in greeting.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh,\u201d she called, grinning at us. \u00a0\u201cBack again, I see. \u00a0Surely you must have found a suitable husband for your daughter by now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope,\u201d my mom said, giving me a pointed look. \u00a0\u201cShe\u2019s still single.\u201d<\/p>\n

(And, yeah, I was, and still am, but she doesn\u2019t have to be so judgy about it)<\/p>\n

The Goat Mom gasped, pressing a hand to her chest. \u00a0\u201cMy dear, you\u2019re far too old to be without a husband,\u201d she cried, causing people to stop to watch. \u00a0I could feel my face heating up, and glanced around wondering where the Goat Guy was at. \u00a0We had agreed months ago that this was always far more embarrassing for me than it was for him, so why was he taking so long?<\/p>\n

\u201cYou won\u2019t be young forever,\u201d the Goat Mom was continuing, grabbing my hands and forcing my to look at her. \u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re running out of time.\u201d \u00a0She glanced past me to my parents, a smug look on her face that said she got just as much enjoyment out of this as my family did. \u00a0\u201cMy son is still in need of a wife. \u00a0I\u2019ll tell you what, I will give you thirty goats and ten chickens for your daughter. \u00a0She\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAww, Mom. \u00a0You started negotiations without me? \u00a0How are they supposed to know I\u2019d be the perfect husband for Kee if they can\u2019t see how hot I am?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Goat Mom froze for a moment, her grip on my hands loosening enough for me to pull away. \u00a0I followed the shocked gazes of my family and his mom to the Goat Guy.<\/p>\n

He was leaning casually against the shop, somehow managing to look good in clothes that were 2000 years out of fashion, a smirk on his face and a half dozen goats and a llama surrounding him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s Kee\u2019s fianc\u00e9,\u201d Sam whispered to her friend, as if there was any doubt about his identity.<\/p>\n

His mom blinked out of her shock, narrowing her eyes at him. \u00a0\u201cAre you drunk?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Goat Guy looked offended, raising a hand to his chest. \u00a0\u201cWhat? \u00a0No!\u201d<\/p>\n

Cole started cackling. \u00a0I don\u2019t think he had any more idea what was going on than the rest of them, but fifteen year old boys are weird.<\/p>\n

His mom glanced back at us for a moment, and I had to look away to keep the grin off my face, and noticed quite the crowd had gathered.<\/p>\n

She took a deep breath as she turned back to her son, pressing her fingers to her temples. \u00a0\u201cThen why do you have goats?\u201d<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t keep myself from snorting then, but, thankfully, everyone seemed too distracted to notice.<\/p>\n

The Goat Guy rolled his eyes, relaxing back against the shop once more. \u00a0\u201cI mean, you\u2019ve been failing at bartering me a wife for eight years, Mom,\u201d he pointed out. \u00a0\u201cI think they just don\u2019t believe we really have as many goats as you say we have. \u00a0So I brought goats!\u201d \u00a0He waved the ropes in his hands, and sent me a wink. \u00a0\u201cAnd a llama! \u00a0Girls like llamas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think that\u2019s actually an alpaca,\u201d my brother helpfully pointed out, and the Goat Guy grinned.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re probably right, my man,\u201d he agreed and turned back to me. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m adding this alpaca onto the list of whatever my mom\u2019s already offered. \u00a0We can ride off on it into the sunset. \u00a0What do you say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI say it probably wouldn\u2019t hold us.\u201d \u00a0I was grinning now, too, no longer able to hold it in.<\/p>\n

The Goat Guy just shrugged and stayed silent, letting our families stew for a moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure you aren\u2019t drunk?\u201d his mom finally asked, glancing between us in confusion. \u00a0\u201cMaybe you\u2019ve been spending a little too much time at the, uh, tavern.\u201d \u00a0She glanced at the goats and the llama (alpaca?), realization dawning on her face. \u00a0\u201cGregory, you had better not be the reason everyone is panicking about the animals going missing from the petting\u2014trading post.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot drunk,\u201d he insisted, ignoring the part about him stealing the animals from the petting zoo as he thrust the leads of the animals into her hands before she had a chance to protest. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m just excited to see my future wife.\u201d \u00a0He crossed the distance between us, my family stepping back, still mostly in shock, and wrapped me up in his arms. \u00a0\u201cHow\u2019s it going, Kee?\u201d<\/p>\n

I laughed, hugging him back quickly before pulling away. \u00a0\u201cHey, Gregory,\u201d I echoed loudly, my grin growing at the gasp that came from someone in my family. \u00a0\u201cHow\u2019d you find the psych final?\u201d<\/p>\n

He groaned, burying his face in my neck. \u00a0\u201cUgh, don\u2019t even get me started,\u201d he whined, an arm wrapping back around my shoulders. \u00a0\u201cI didn\u2019t fail, but that\u2019s about all I can say.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hummed in sympathy, watching our families try to piece together what was going on and the crowd that was wondering if this was supposed to be happening. \u00a0His mom\u2019s mouth was opening to say something as I caught sight of a couple of soldiers pushing through the crowd, and nudged him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou!\u201d one yelled, and the Goat Guy\u2019s head snapped of my shoulder, staring at the soldier in shock. \u00a0\u201cHe stole the king\u2019s animals!\u201d \u00a0One of the others came forward, pulling him away from me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou, uh, have the right to remain silent,\u201d he started, fixing his grip on the Goat Guy\u2019s arm. \u00a0The soldier who grabbed his other arm rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t have any rights.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, right.\u201d \u00a0The second soldier nodded and turned back to the Goat Guy. \u00a0\u201cYou don\u2019t have the right to remain silent,\u201d he amended.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake him to the king,\u201d the first soldier ordered, taking the leads from the Goat Mom. \u00a0\u201cHe should be tried at once.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Goat Guy regained his wits and started to struggle against their hold.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait for me, Kee!\u201d he cried as they dragged him back through the parted crowd. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019ll come back for you!\u201d<\/p>\n

By the time he\u2019d disappeared and the crowd had filled in their path, I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. \u00a0It\u2019d gone better than either of us could\u2019ve hoped.<\/p>\n

I calmed down after a moment, and the Goat Mom was still staring in confusion in the direction her son had disappeared in. \u00a0I stepped past her to the shop, pulling the poncho I\u2019d noticed earlier off the wall.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to buy this, please,\u201d I said, and her eyes snapped back to me. \u00a0I grinned and handed her the money, and she pocketed it without bartering, and I walked away, the crowd parting for me as I wandered towards the next stall.<\/p>\n

My family joined me a few moments later, as I was browsing some blown glass ornaments and ignoring the fact that the shopkeepers were whispering about me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was that?\u201d my mom demanded.<\/p>\n

I shrugged. \u00a0\u201cThat was her bartering for me to marry the Goat Guy like every year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that was not like every year.\u201d \u00a0Sam snorted and I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. \u00a0\u201cSince when do you know the Goat Guy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSince January?\u201d \u00a0I tried to look confused, but I\u2019m pretty sure I was still grinning. \u00a0\u201cYou knew that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d I countered. \u00a0\u201cGregory from psychology?\u201d<\/p>\n

The stared at me for a long moment before any of them spoke. \u00a0Sam\u2019s friend was the only one who seemed more entertained than confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was Gregory from psychology?\u201d my mom asked, and I shrugged, grinning wider. \u00a0\u201cYou planned this, didn\u2019t you? \u00a0That\u2019s why you kept texting him outside?\u201d<\/p>\n

I shrugged. \u00a0\u201cI mean, we didn\u2019t plan him getting arrested,\u201d I admitted. \u00a0\u201cBut, yeah, we planned the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019d he steal the goats and the alpaca?\u201d Cole wondered.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe knows a guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike that\u2019s what\u2019s important here.\u201d \u00a0Sam rolled her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d my dad asked, and I shrugged again.<\/p>\n

\u201cSeven years\u2019 worth of revenge.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what\u2019s important either,\u201d Sam interjected, huffing loudly. \u00a0\u201cKee\u2019s totally dating the Goat Guy. \u00a0I called it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re not dating.\u201d \u00a0I rolled my eyes, pushing past them to continue through Bethlehem. \u00a0There should\u2019ve been another apple cider vendor coming up soon, and I\u2019d lost all the heat from the last one.<\/p>\n

My family did not drop it through the rest of Bethlehem, and neither did any of the vendors who, apparently, knew exactly who I was (my toque was kind of distinctive, so I guess I\u2019ll give them that) and let me know how sorry they were to hear that my man had been locked up just for trying to provide for his family.<\/p>\n

We also saw the Goat Guy again, who had been locked up with the prisoners in a large cage, guarded by a handful of soldiers.<\/p>\n

He grinned as he saw us approaching, calling out for me and sticking his arms through the bars.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I borrow your notes later?\u201d he asked. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m in here for nineteen years, so I\u2019ll be missing a bit of class.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sam and her friend posed for selfies with him, and then she made me pose for one with him that will definitely be used for blackmail at a later date.<\/p>\n

And that was Bethlehem. \u00a0No one shut up on the entire drive home, or for the rest of Christmas break, for that matter, about the fact that I\u2019d been keeping my knowing the Goat Guy a secret for almost a year\u2014which I hadn\u2019t, as I pointed out multiple times. \u00a0They all knew about Gregory from psychology, and he was literally in my phone as The Goat Guy. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t my fault they hadn\u2019t put the pieces together.<\/p>\n

My family is convinced the Goat Guy and I are meant to be and still not entirely convinced that we aren\u2019t currently dating, and I\u2019m kind of dreading what that might mean for Bethlehem 2k18. \u00a0Honestly, I\u2019d rather not have to deal with the fallout of my parents actually giving in and getting me a bartered husband, no matter how hot he might be. \u00a0But I feel like they\u2019re going to accept one year, especially after what we did this year. \u00a0<\/p>\n

The Goat Guy says his mom isn\u2019t any better, and is already planning for next year but won\u2019t let him know anything. \u00a0Maybe I can convince my parents that I never have to go back ever again.<\/p>\n

Two weeks later, I caught the Goat Guy\u2019s eye from across the psychology lecture hall, waving him over.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d I said, grinning at him as he slipped into the seat beside me. \u00a0I turned to my friends. \u00a0\u201cGuys, this is Gregory the Goat Guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHer fianc\u00e9,\u201d he added, and I snorted at my friends\u2019 incredulous looks and punched him gently in the shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot my fianc\u00e9,\u201d I corrected, and turned back to him. \u00a0\u201cThe llama was impressive, but you know my dad\u2019s expecting a camel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDarn,\u201d he said, laughing. \u00a0\u201cI could have sworn you said llama. \u00a0I guess I\u2019ll have to find a camel by next year if we ever want to get engaged.\u201d \u00a0He paused, raising an eyebrow. \u00a0\u201cBut you know, I did get arrested before your parents had a chance to decline the offer this time. \u00a0Maybe they were going to say yes to the llama.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait,\u201d my friend said, leaning around me to give the Goat Guy a once over. \u00a0\u201cThat story was real? \u00a0The Goat Guy actually exists?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I will be here and I will be waiting for the next bit of this story come December <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Same (is it weird that I hope you fall in love? if you two end up married someday, you are going to have some unreal wedding speeches)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I MUST KNOW MORE<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I N E E D M O R E<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

rebelgirlmatrix1213: ash-is-boss: cameoamalthea: rhetoricalproceeds: probably-voldemort: probably-voldemort: My family is not very religious most of the time. \u00a0We pray at Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving dinners, and my mom\u2019s entire side of the family excluding her parents and siblings is hardcore religious so whenever we do anything with them it\u2019s kind of religious. But the point … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[26154,43,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276261"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=276261"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276261\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=276261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=276261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=276261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}