{"id":157783,"date":"2015-04-23T18:41:53","date_gmt":"2015-04-23T18:41:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/04\/23\/albinwonderland-excuse-me-she-asked-can-i\/"},"modified":"2018-09-09T00:36:34","modified_gmt":"2018-09-09T00:36:34","slug":"albinwonderland-excuse-me-she-asked-can-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/04\/23\/albinwonderland-excuse-me-she-asked-can-i\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-157783 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/04\/23\/albinwonderland-excuse-me-she-asked-can-i\/attachment\/157784\/'><img width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/tumblr_mcdcml8IMr1qaplv3o1_640-150x150.png\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" loading=\"lazy\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/tumblr_mcdcml8IMr1qaplv3o1_640-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/tumblr_mcdcml8IMr1qaplv3o1_640-100x100.png 100w\" sizes=\"100vw\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/albinwonderland.tumblr.com\/post\/34193304135\/excuse-me-she-asked-can-i-buy-you-a\" class=\"tumblr_blog\" target=\"_blank\">albinwonderland<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"xkit-colorquotes-border-item\">\n<p>\u201c\u201dExcuse me,\u201d she asked. \u201cCan I buy you a coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0It was a nice surprise. Most people don\u2019t buy me cups of coffee, and I was just sitting at the Starbucks trying to plot my novel. So it was kind of charming, to have a cute girl offer to buy me a free drink. I told her sure. She brought me a nice iced chai, and sat down next to me, and then asked, \u201cSo have you heard about Jesus?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Now, as it turns out, I\u2019m a Christian, so I\u2019m not opposed to Jesus -\u2013 but it was a little disappointing to realize this drink wasn\u2019t done out of niceness, but as a sort of recruiting tool. Maybe I\u2019d have been into a religious discussion if she\u2019d said, \u201cHey, let\u2019s have a philosophical talk,\u201d but as it was, I felt a little betrayed. So I said that I wasn\u2019t interested, as politely as I could (for I was sipping a delicious drink), and returned to my plotting.<br \/>The next day, another girl: \u201cHey, can I buy you a coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0This time, I was trying to work out a difficult programming solution in my mind, and she asked me at exactly the right moment to have all of my thoughts collapse like a house of cards. \u201cAre you just going to ask me about Jesus?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dOh, no,\u201d she said, reassuring me. \u201cIt\u2019s just that I think you\u2019re cute.\u201d And she was kind of pretty.<br \/>\u201c\u2026all right,\u201d I said, guardedly. She bought the coffee. Sat down at my table.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dBut if you\u00a0<i>were<\/i>\u00a0wondering about Jesus\u2026\u201d she said earnestly, and I ejected her from my table. I kept the drink, though. It seemed cruel, but she had been stupid enough to buy it for me even though I didn\u2019t want it.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Over the next week, it just got worse. Two or three times a day I\u2019d be deep in thought, trying to focus on this tangled plotting that I needed to resolve, and some woman would tap me on the shoulder to offer me a cup of coffee. I couldn\u2019t concentrate, because sometimes they were very insistent: \u201cYou sure you don\u2019t want a coffee, sweetie?\u201d they\u2019d ask, sometimes lurking over me after I\u2019d refused them, just in case I changed my mind. Sometimes they just bought the coffee for me anyway, without even asking me if I wanted it, plopping themselves across the table from me and yammering on about being saved.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0It was affecting my concentration. I started to tense up at the Starbucks, waiting for the next Jesus freak\u2019s interruption. If it was a regular thing, like an hourly interruption, then maybe I could have worked around it, but it was erratic. Some days, I\u2019d have four or five at once, other days I\u2019d be blissedly free of interruption. But I had to be continually braced for the next hand on my shoulder, knowing that no matter what I was doing they\u2019d be bursting into my personal space. I wrote less, my programs were buggier.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0My friends couldn\u2019t understand my upset. \u201cDude,\u201d they told me. \u201cYou never have to pay for coffee again in your life! You\u2019ve got it made! Do you know how much money you\u2019re saving?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dBut I don\u2019t want to talk to these people,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dYou\u2019ve talked about God with us before,\u201d they replied. \u201cSometimes, we\u2019ll stay up until two, three in the morning discussing the nature of heaven and hell. You dig philosophy, Ferrett. If you like talking about that shit with us, then why not with them?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dBecause they\u2019re just one-note and don\u2019t really care what I have to say,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dJust try \u2018em, man. Some of them are cute. Maybe some of them actually want to date you!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201dI guess,\u201d I said. \u201cBut how do I know which ones are genuine without having to talk to a bunch of phonies?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Eventually, it got to the point where I started bringing friends with me for cover, so I wouldn\u2019t get interrupted. That didn\u2019t work, either \u2013- while it helped, the more aggressive proselytizers would interrupt me in mid-sentence to ask me if I wanted a drink. Suddenly, the Starbucks wasn\u2019t fun anymore -\u2013 it wasn\u2019t a place to hang out, but a place where I\u2019d just constantly be bugged by attention I didn\u2019t want. And the guys who weren\u2019t getting free drinks were calling me stuck-up, jealous that I was getting all these free drinks and not even wanting them.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0So I stopped going.<\/p>\n<hr>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Okay. Clearly, that didn\u2019t happen. But I\u2019m trying to prove a point here.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<b>One of the things that guys don\u2019t get is why women don\u2019t like to be hit on.<\/b>\u00a0As a guy, when you get hit on, even if it\u2019s a clumsy attempt, it\u2019s generally a very rare and remarkable event \u2013- it puts a spring in your step, even if you\u2019re not particularly attracted to the woman, because as an average-looking guy, scarcity of compliments is the norm. So if a girl catcalls you and goes, \u201cNice butt!\u201d and appears to be serious, there\u2019s often this sort of strange pride.\u00a0<i>Hey, that doesn\u2019t happen often, she must really be into me.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0So a lot of guys have this unspoken attitude of, \u201cI wish\u00a0<i>I\u2019d<\/i>\u00a0be harassed.\u201d And they don\u2019t get why women are so angry when hey, I was just trying to be\u00a0<i>nice<\/i>, why you gotta be so mean?<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Thing is, when it\u2019s\u00a0<i>not<\/i>\u00a0scarce, then even the nicest act starts to get annoying. Because you don\u2019t get to control when people are quote-unquote \u201cnice\u201d to you, and it happens all the time, and you know there\u2019s always a hidden cost behind it. You start to question people\u2019s niceness, because they\u2019re not doing it to be kind, they\u2019re doing it because they want something from you. And maybe, yes, that\u2019s something you like to give to certain people, but definitely not to everyone, and almost certainly not to the kind of guy who\u2019s certain you\u2019re going to give it to him if he just bugs you enough.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<b>Harassment isn\u2019t once. Harassment comes from a lifetime of dealing with people constantly doing things to you, whether you wanted them or not, at random intervals. You learn not to trust people. And what might have been pleasant, once, as an isolated incident, starts to feel pretty oppressive when it\u2019s something you deal with on a weekly basis. It changes you, and then guys call you bitchy when you don\u2019t feel like playing along and pretending this is just about the coffee.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0But I think most of \u2018em would feel the same were the tables turned. So please. Think about what you\u2019re spouting.\u201d<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"xkit-colorquotes-border-item\">\n<p>Article by\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.theferrett.com\/ferrettworks\/2012\/08\/can-i-buy-you-a-coffee\/\" target=\"_blank\">Ferret Steinmetz<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/jezebel.com\/5953909\/look-guys-even-nice-can-be-annoying?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&amp;utm_source=jezebel_facebook&amp;utm_medium=socialflow\" target=\"_blank\">posted on Jezebel<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>albinwonderland: \u201c\u201dExcuse me,\u201d she asked. \u201cCan I buy you a coffee?\u201d \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0It was a nice surprise. Most people don\u2019t buy me cups of coffee, and I was just sitting at the Starbucks trying to plot my novel. So it was kind of charming, to have a cute girl offer to buy me &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/04\/23\/albinwonderland-excuse-me-she-asked-can-i\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[17735,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157783"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=157783"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157783\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":157785,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157783\/revisions\/157785"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=157783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=157783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=157783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}