{"id":143605,"date":"2015-07-28T15:31:33","date_gmt":"2015-07-28T15:31:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/07\/28\/hudders-and-hiddles-can-we-just-talk-for-a\/"},"modified":"2015-07-28T15:31:33","modified_gmt":"2015-07-28T15:31:33","slug":"hudders-and-hiddles-can-we-just-talk-for-a","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/07\/28\/hudders-and-hiddles-can-we-just-talk-for-a\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

hudders-and-hiddles<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

Can we just talk for a moment about how much Many Happy Returns fucking hurts?<\/h2>\n

There\u2019s the way John says \u201cMuch better\u201d when Greg asks how he\u2019s been, like he knows that\u2019s what he\u2019s supposed to say but doesn\u2019t really believe it.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the way he swallows, fidgets, and purses his lips when Greg says the box is stuff of Sherlock\u2019s.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s his tight, slanty little smile when he tells Greg it\u2019s fine that he brought the box of stuff\u2013a smile that says it\u2019s very clearly not fine.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the way he smiles and laughs a little when Greg gives him the DVD and explains what it is, but as he stares at it in his hands, the smile fades.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the way he has to pour himself a drink to even contemplate putting the damn disc in the DVD player.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s John\u2019s sad-as-all-motherfucking-hell theme playing in the background.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the way he sits in the chair but after starting the DVD player moves to the couch, as if he needs to be fully facing this one little bit of Sherlock that he gets to hold on to.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s that little fucking flick of his eyebrows when Sherlock starts talking, when he first gets to hear that voice again.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s that restless thumb tapping on the arm of the couch.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s that tightening at the corner of his mouth when Sherlock says that all John\u2019s friends hate him, trying not to smile at the kind of rude shit he would give to world to be able to hear Sherlock actually say again, and the way he does let himself actually laugh for just a second when Sherlock talks about writing it all down in an essay.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s that tiny, disapproving shake of his head when Sherlock talks about lying.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s John giving into his feelings that little bit and saying out loud that Sherlock could stop being dead.<\/p>\n

And oh god, there\u2019s that so fucking brief flash of impossible hope beyond all hope when Sherlock seemingly responds with,\u00a0\u201cOk.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the way John\u2019s breath comes harder then.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s that look of residual anger on John\u2019s face\u2013anger that Sherlock can\u2019t come back, not from this.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s that second flash of hope when the doorbell rings, when John absolutely knows <\/i>it isn\u2019t Sherlock but for just a fraction of a second thinks it could be him anyway.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And there\u2019s the way that turns into irritation that someone is interrupting this one moment he gets to have with Sherlock, the only moment he\u2019ll ever get to have with him again. And yes, the DVD will still be there, and he could watch it again, but you know he won\u2019t. He\u2019s going to bury it in that box in his closet and never look at it again if he can help it. Maybe he gets drunk one night and digs it out and stares at it, contemplates watching it again, but he won\u2019t because it hurts too much to see that face on the screen, to hear that voice, and know that Sherlock is gone from the world and this<\/i>\u00a0is all that John has left of the man who changed his life, saved his life, became his life.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

hudders-and-hiddles: Can we just talk for a moment about how much Many Happy Returns fucking hurts? There\u2019s the way John says \u201cMuch better\u201d when Greg asks how he\u2019s been, like he knows that\u2019s what he\u2019s supposed to say but doesn\u2019t really believe it. There\u2019s the way he swallows, fidgets, and purses his lips when Greg … <\/p>\n

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