{"id":138860,"date":"2015-08-30T14:43:50","date_gmt":"2015-08-30T14:43:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/08\/30\/battlescarmentality-allieinarden-ive\/"},"modified":"2015-08-30T14:43:50","modified_gmt":"2015-08-30T14:43:50","slug":"battlescarmentality-allieinarden-ive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/08\/30\/battlescarmentality-allieinarden-ive\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

battlescarmentality<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

allieinarden<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

I\u2019ve noticed this revisionist Greek myth is common wherein Persephone loves Hades and eats the pomegranate seeds in order to evade her overbearing mother, and that\u2019s all well and good. You know, sometimes I\u2019m in the mood for it and sometimes I\u2019m not. But hear this: as long as we\u2019re doing this, why is no one wondering whether Aphrodite might really love Hephaestus?<\/i>\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/i><\/p>\n

Think about it. All the gods in their immortal splendor are lining up to marry her, doing everything in their power to impress her, the goddess of love and beauty, and she choses\u2026that <\/i>guy. A god in technical terms only, a social reject who\u2019s ugly<\/i> and malformed<\/i> and um, no fun.<\/i> Always slaving away in his workshop when everyone else is quaffing nectar and having their eternal beach party up on Mount Olympus. They can\u2019t believe <\/i>she\u2019d give up all of them for that.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

So, because the gods do not take rejection well (looking at you Apollo), eventually they start to say to each other, well, we all know Zeus made her do it anyway. He\u2019s gotta feel guilty for throwing Hephaestus off Mount Olympus that one time. <\/i>And it quickly becomes\u00a0that<\/i> poor<\/i> girl, stuck in that workshop full of sweat and dirt and cyclopses when she could have had one of us. <\/i>Because of course <\/i>they\u2019ve got love all figured out; it\u2019s entirely technical and dependent on who\u2019s the most charming and good-looking and not at all<\/i> variable and strange and notoriously unpredictable, right?<\/p>\n

Meanwhile Ares, only the most arrogant and brainless of the crew, can\u2019t take a hint and is still showing up wherever Aphrodite goes trying to hit on her, so eventually she and Hephaestus decide to rig up an elaborate mechanical trap for him, using her as bait. When all the gods have laughed at him for getting caught he huffily attempts to regain his dignity by telling them, whatever, guys, you want to know the truth, I was meeting her for an assignation. <\/i>And they all kind of know he\u2019s full of it but they just accept it as the unvarnished truth from thereon in, because they\u2019d love <\/i>to believe she\u2019d cheat on Hephaestus with Ares. They\u2019d love it.\u00a0Come on, Aphrodite, get off your high horse and admit you\u2019re just as shallow as the rest of us.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So they talk, but Aphrodite doesn\u2019t really care about their collective jealousy because she dotes on her misshapen genius of a husband with his sooty hands and his sweaty brow who always takes her seriously and is\u00a0always so hard at work inventing astonishing new things to make her happy, and she loves the volcano they live in with its internal pressures so conducive to the formation of precious stones and its passages lit with glowing lava that so gorgeously offsets her cheekbones, and all the cyclopses worship her because even with one eye apiece they\u2019ve still got more depth perception than most men do where she\u2019s concerned. True it is that as a couple the two develop a reputation for not getting out much, because all those Olympian parties bore them to death and they\u2019d rather spend time with each other (poor Aphrodite, she\u2019s such a vivacious young\u00a0thing and\u00a0her husband is so grasping and insecure that he won\u2019t let her go out and have fun),<\/i> but they do all right.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

THIS IS THE KIND OF CONTENT I\u2019M LOOKING FOR<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

battlescarmentality: allieinarden: I\u2019ve noticed this revisionist Greek myth is common wherein Persephone loves Hades and eats the pomegranate seeds in order to evade her overbearing mother, and that\u2019s all well and good. You know, sometimes I\u2019m in the mood for it and sometimes I\u2019m not. But hear this: as long as we\u2019re doing this, why … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[588,2828,3443,16088,771,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138860"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=138860"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138860\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=138860"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=138860"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=138860"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}