{"id":131010,"date":"2015-10-19T05:31:06","date_gmt":"2015-10-19T05:31:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/10\/19\/personal-rambling-below-the-cut-i-had-a-small\/"},"modified":"2015-10-19T05:31:06","modified_gmt":"2015-10-19T05:31:06","slug":"personal-rambling-below-the-cut-i-had-a-small","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/10\/19\/personal-rambling-below-the-cut-i-had-a-small\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Personal rambling below the cut<\/p>\n<p><!-- more --><\/p>\n<p>I had a small breakdown tonight while trying to write. Just feeling like all my words were crap that nothing was coming out right, that it was all too cheesy. I\u2019ll probably post it anyway when it\u2019s done. <\/p>\n<p>I think maybe I\u2019m tired of being strong. This has been a rough year and some days it feels like it won\u2019t be worth it in then end. Not that I\u2019m going to quit school or work or putting words to paper. <\/p>\n<p>I just don\u2019t want to be this helpless, on this knife edge of ruin. I don\u2019t want to be still in the same kind of job when I\u2019m 40 (I\u2019m 36, 37 in February). I want to travel. I want to stop saying \u2018someday\u2019.  <\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know how to get there from here. I don\u2019t know exactly what job I\u2019ll get when I graduate. I\u2019m not even sure I\u2019ll be living in the same place if I can get a good job elsewhere. I\u2019ve got a year or so to go with school. <\/p>\n<p>But I don\u2019t want to keep putting things off either. I don\u2019t know how to be the best me. I do know I need to keep writing. I need to keep fighting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Personal rambling below the cut I had a small breakdown tonight while trying to write. Just feeling like all my words were crap that nothing was coming out right, that it was all too cheesy. I\u2019ll probably post it anyway when it\u2019s done. I think maybe I\u2019m tired of being strong. This has been a &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/10\/19\/personal-rambling-below-the-cut-i-had-a-small\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[10699,4948,5447,15303],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131010"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=131010"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131010\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=131010"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=131010"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=131010"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}