{"id":129076,"date":"2015-11-01T03:25:07","date_gmt":"2015-11-01T03:25:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/11\/01\/glumshoe-iwilltrytobereasonable\/"},"modified":"2015-11-01T03:25:07","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T03:25:07","slug":"glumshoe-iwilltrytobereasonable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2015\/11\/01\/glumshoe-iwilltrytobereasonable\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

glumshoe<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

iwilltrytobereasonable<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

achairforjane<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

bead-bead<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

jumpingjacktrash<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

chinburd<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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sci-fantasy<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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animatedamerican<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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bibliophile20<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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sheriffsunshine<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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danielkanhai<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

i like when you\u2019re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it\u2019s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they\u2019re confirming it\u2019s money. \u201cdon\u2019t bother counting it, it\u2019s all there. 12.\u201d then they always pick one up and inspect it like, \u201cyeah, it\u2019s grade A alright\u2026the real deal.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

People are checking to see if any of the eggs are cracked you walnut<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

You get home with a case full of cracked eggs once and have to deal with the resulting mess in your grocery bags, and, trust me, you\u2019ll start checking the eggs every time too.\u00a0 <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cSure you say<\/i>\u00a0it\u2019s all there, but I been taken by a case of cracked eggs before. \u00a0I don\u2019t hand over the cash before I get a good look at the merchandise.\u201d<\/p>\n

new genre: grocery noir<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now you\u2019ve done it. You invoked the words.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew there was trouble as soon as I hit the floor. On a good day, the market is a thin veneer of friendliness concealing a pit of darkness. The dairy section is full of spoiled brats. The produce tries hard, but it\u2019s impossible to eliminate the rot\u2026and you know what they say about one bad apple. The eggs are cracked and broken, and all the King\u2019s horses and all the King\u2019s men couldn\u2019t fix them.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been here a long time. I\u2019ve learned to read the market as I walk the aisles. Smell the mood in the bakery section, feel the little things in the way the cookies crumble. The deli is a bellwether for the whole prepared foods section, if you know how to separate the good stuff from the gristle. But today, everything was silent.<\/p>\n

The only thing worse than the market in full swing was the market in no swing. Something big was coming down.<\/p>\n

I turned to my partner. Fresh out of Academy training, still wet behind the ears \u2013or maybe he just walked too close to the misting sprays. \u2018Trouble, kid,\u2019 I said, taking a bite of the carrot stick dangling in my mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Malted-Milk Falcon<\/i>, or Double Coupon Indemnity<\/i>, or The Big Sale.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

thepookainthehat<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

i feel like i just opened a carton of eggs and found eleven eggs and one bullet casing<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

BRILLIANCE<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Sure enough, there was trouble.\u00a0 \u201cCleanup in Aisle 12,\u201d said an anonymous female voice barely discernible through the grotesque flattening of the PA system, the sort of voice you instinctively try not to listen not just because it screeches, but because it requires too much attention to make out the words.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it,\u201d I told the kid, \u201ctrouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat. The voice. That was code.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe someone dropped a jar of salsa?\u201d <\/p>\n

I just shook my head and chuckled. They\u2019re so innocent, these kids. Some day they\u2019ll wake up and smell the fresh-baked sourdough, and know it\u2019s neither fresh nor sour.\u00a0 But today was not that day.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you know?\u00a0 Maybe you just didn\u2019t hear the glass cracking?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKid, this is what you got to understand \u2013 there is no Aisle 12.\u201d <\/p>\n

We\u2019d have to hurry now.\u00a0 They\u2019d be covering up their own mistake. Probably an overlooked pricing error, the kind of discount that comes around once in a blue moon. I hoped it was on the high-end hummus. I was hungry. Hungry for the good stuff. Hungry for more.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

@glumshoe<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is SO what I\u2019m about.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

glumshoe: iwilltrytobereasonable: achairforjane: bead-bead: jumpingjacktrash: chinburd: sci-fantasy: animatedamerican: bibliophile20: sheriffsunshine: danielkanhai: i like when you\u2019re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it\u2019s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they\u2019re confirming it\u2019s money. \u201cdon\u2019t … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[1585,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129076"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=129076"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129076\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=129076"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=129076"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=129076"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}