{"id":114781,"date":"2016-02-08T15:37:05","date_gmt":"2016-02-08T15:37:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/02\/08\/mojoflower-mycapeisplaid-today-marks-a-big\/"},"modified":"2016-02-08T15:37:05","modified_gmt":"2016-02-08T15:37:05","slug":"mojoflower-mycapeisplaid-today-marks-a-big","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/02\/08\/mojoflower-mycapeisplaid-today-marks-a-big\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

mojoflower<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

mycapeisplaid<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

Today marks a big day for me. \u00a0I\u2019m finally starting the steps to get my son an\u00a0\u201cofficial diagnosis\u201d for whatever special needs he has. \u00a0The past 8 years have been rough. \u00a0I never thought parenting would be like this.<\/p>\n

Once, when I was pregnant, I sat at a conference with a mother who used her son\u2019s ADHD diagnosis to excuse all of his behaviors. \u00a0As a professional who has worked with hundreds (literally) of kids with special needs, I have been trained how to make accommodations. I had accommodated her child just fine, but he simply didn\u2019t want to do anything and used his disability as a crutch. \u00a0I finally told her that I was done with the conference and that if she had other issues with me she could take it up with the superintendent or principal.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I was 8 months pregnant at the time, and as she left the table, she said acidly, \u201cI hope YOUR baby has a disability so you know what it\u2019s like.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Well, 8 years later, that baby has problems. \u00a0He\u2019s had problems since he was born. \u00a0I hate labels, and I would hope never to\u00a0\u201cexcuse\u201d my child\u2019s actions by blaming it solely on a diagnosis. \u00a0But perhaps I have a better idea now what it\u2019s like to fail at parenting even though you try really, really hard.<\/p>\n

Off to the child psychologist now. \u00a0Wish me luck.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Good luck, darling!<\/p>\n

You know I\u2019ve got two ADD kids of my own, and the older one Aspie as well.\u00a0 It\u2019s HARD.\u00a0 The hardest part is knowing what\u2019s their disability and what\u2019s just them being recalcitrant or lazy.\u00a0 So far, all their teachers have been awesome (at least, they try hard and they work with me and they\u2019re open to communication, and I really can\u2019t ask for better than that.)\u00a0 But we do butt heads over whether it\u2019s \u2018laziness\u2019 or \u2018disorder\u2019.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m having trouble with Phoenix right now, who\u2019s in 5th grade and having a terrible time doing his homework.\u00a0 (Seriously, sometimes it takes us 2 hours to do 6 minutes worth of homework.)\u00a0 His teacher pushes pretty hard, which is tough to take.\u00a0 But I DO have to admit that he\u2019s performing better for her than I would have predicted (which means some of it IS voluntary, and he\u2019s just accustomed to taking advantage of me.)\u00a0 <\/p>\n

This is exacerbated by the fact that 5 years ago, when Phoenix first got sick with the CIDP, he was paralyzed and we literally thought it would gradually extend to his lungs and heart and KILL HIM (thanks, you motherfucking doctor who should have kept your fucking mouth shut).\u00a0 I am FAR more protective of Phoenix and his limits, I think, than I would be if I\u2019d never actively thought I\u2019d lose him;\u00a0 and this gives him a lot of leeway in pushing me to see how much I\u2019ll do for him.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not an easy path.<\/p>\n

However, an official diagnosis has helped IMMEASURABLY with both my children.\u00a0 Both in my own ability to rein in my frustration and rearrange my expectations, and in their teachers\u2019 boundaries and expectations.\u00a0 The accommodations in the IEP and the annual meetings with teachers\/principal\/sp.ed. teachers helps keep everyone on the same page, and it\u2019s invaluable.\u00a0 So don\u2019t be upset, no matter what the result may be.<\/p>\n

And here\u2019s this about Aspies in my life.\u00a0 My husband is one (I suspect), and he\u2019s what I fondly call the \u201cAspie Wrangler\u201d at his company for those who are a little more severe than he is.\u00a0 They, every single one of them, are well-paid, well-respected and in an environment that accommodates their needs without it ever having to be spelled out.\u00a0 (This is in software design, which seems to attract the type.)\u00a0 I\u2019m sure they cry over their \u2018disability\u2019 all the way to the bank, and then home to their wife and kids, ya know?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve often thought that Benedict Cumberbatch was affected by ADHD in his youth, and look where he is now.\u00a0 Look at Richard Branson.\u00a0 Look at Adam Levine and Justin Timberlake (ADD + OCD, which is a doozy).\u00a0 Just, having a diagnosis, any diagnosis, doesn\u2019t apply limits.\u00a0 It just helps you to understand what\u2019s going on better, and to open up opportunities that you might otherwise know nothing about.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I’m not a parent, but I am a 37 year old adult that was finally diagnosed with depression and ADHD a couple years ago, and recently realized that yes, I absolutely have inattentive ADHD.<\/p>\n

I can’t go back in time and make someone realize sooner or change my past, but I will tell you that hard as I’m sure it is, your kid will know you cared and you tried.<\/p>\n

I’m not blaming my parents – ADHD wasn’t as well known when I was young, especially in girls – but I do sometimes wonder how much different my life would have been.<\/p>\n

Good luck with everything and I’m sure it will work out, one way or another<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

mojoflower: mycapeisplaid: Today marks a big day for me. \u00a0I\u2019m finally starting the steps to get my son an\u00a0\u201cofficial diagnosis\u201d for whatever special needs he has. \u00a0The past 8 years have been rough. \u00a0I never thought parenting would be like this. Once, when I was pregnant, I sat at a conference with a mother who … <\/p>\n

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