{"id":113362,"date":"2016-02-18T18:54:19","date_gmt":"2016-02-18T18:54:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/02\/18\/lesbianshepard-retail-story-time-ive-probably\/"},"modified":"2016-02-18T18:54:19","modified_gmt":"2016-02-18T18:54:19","slug":"lesbianshepard-retail-story-time-ive-probably","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/02\/18\/lesbianshepard-retail-story-time-ive-probably\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

lesbianshepard<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

retail story time<\/b>: ive probably told you this before but like a year ago at work i was closing and we are like five minutes from closing the doors and leaving. it\u2019s late. we close at 10pm during the holiday season and it was like 9:56 when this woman walks in with a shopping cart<\/i>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

now, if you work in retail, you know this sort of customer. those assholes who walk in right before you close and take their time shopping and act like they dont notice the announcements that\u00a0\u201cthe store is now closed. please bring your final selection up to the front for checkout.\u201d or that every employee is so fucking done for the night and want to get home. or that they are the only customer in the store. and when they have a shopping cart, you know they\u2019re gonna be a while.<\/p>\n

so a solid half hour after we are officially closed this woman comes to my register, because i am the only one open. because it\u2019s ten fucking thirty pm and everyone else is ready to leave and ive been stuck here for eleven hours because someone called out and i was already there and a fucking idiot.\u00a0<\/p>\n

and this woman, she\u2019s a Suburban Mom<\/p>\n

\u2122 type and, like all the fucking moms who come into this store, she doesnt have a coupon because she expects us to just give it to her. and we will, if they ask. except i, after a solid hour of no customers and foolishly thinking nobody would come, had gotten rid of my coupons a few minutes before she walked in. so when she asks if i had a coupon i say no, i\u2019m sorry, i don\u2019t have one at the register.\u00a0<\/p>\n

and this woman, she leans in and tells me\u00a0\u201cyou know, i\u2019m a professional psychic.\u201d and i think\u00a0\u201coh christ here we go\u201d<\/p>\n

and long island medium here, immune to the glares of the other employees who want her to just fucking pay and leave, goes on and on about this boy who loves me. we are soul mates, she says. destined to be. but there is a power keeping us apart. she mentions this\u00a0\u201cpower\u201d keeping me from mr. right several times.\u00a0<\/p>\n

i, exhausted and frustrated and wanting to go home, reply \u201cis it the power of me being a lesbian<\/i>?\u201d<\/p>\n

she pays and leaves without another word.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

lesbianshepard: retail story time: ive probably told you this before but like a year ago at work i was closing and we are like five minutes from closing the doors and leaving. it\u2019s late. we close at 10pm during the holiday season and it was like 9:56 when this woman walks in with a shopping … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[62,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113362"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=113362"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113362\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=113362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=113362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=113362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}