{"id":109121,"date":"2016-03-19T13:08:57","date_gmt":"2016-03-19T13:08:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/03\/19\/dukeofbookingham-all-right-i-got-like-five\/"},"modified":"2016-03-19T13:08:57","modified_gmt":"2016-03-19T13:08:57","slug":"dukeofbookingham-all-right-i-got-like-five","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.merindab.com\/private\/2016\/03\/19\/dukeofbookingham-all-right-i-got-like-five\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

dukeofbookingham<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

All right I got like five requests to tell the story of the Shakespeare Mansplainer<\/a>, so:\u00a0<\/p>\n

Today I went to the bookstore to buy the Arden edition of \u2019Tis Pity She\u2019s a Whore<\/i> because I need it for one of my term papers. But I looked at my punchcard and realized buying it would get me a free book, and because I\u2019m standing right there in the drama section\u00a0I start browsing around. Enter the Mansplainer. Now, I can only assume that this guy saw me flip through a few books and put them back and decided I didn\u2019t know what I was doing. Mansplainer to the rescue. <\/i>Up he swaggers. Now, this guy is average-looking but so am I, so at first when he says,\u00a0\u201cOh, are you looking for some Shakespeare?\u201d I\u2019m willing to entertain the possibility that he might be worth flirting with or at least talking to, but he literally doesn\u2019t give me enough time to even answer the question <\/i>before he says,\u00a0\u201cYou know<\/i>\u2013\u201d And this is like, the most fatal phrase in a dude\u2019s vocabulary, because as soon as he says it odds are 90 to one he\u2019s about to start telling you what he thinks you don\u2019t <\/i>know. So I shut my mouth. I shut my mouth and I stand there and smile and nod like I\u2019m in utter awe of all his manly wisdom\u00a0while he proceeds to tell me every wrong\u00a0\u201cfact\u201d he learned about Shakespeare in secondary school. For those of you who don\u2019t know me, here\u2019s what makes this hilarious: I\u2019m getting a master\u2019s degree in Shakespeare. I\u2019ve been a Shakespearean actor for ten years.\u00a0I\u2019ve written a fucking book<\/i> about Shakespeare. I know more about Shakespeare than this guy knows about breathing.<\/p>\n

Anyway, for two, maybe three minutes I let him go on about how the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet <\/i>is actually a sonnet and they were both like thirteen because that\u2019s how young people got married in England in the 1700s and so on and so on. (All of this is wrong, by the way.) Towards the end he starts to flounder, because he was clearly expecting me to jump in and start cooing like a fucking pigeon about how romantic it all is or whatever the Great Mansplainer expects a woman to do when he dazzles her with his dizzying intellect. He finally finishes with a showstopping, \u201cSo, yeah.\u201d And this is my cue. So I say,\u00a0\u201cActually,\u201d and then proceed to correct literally everything he said while I beam at him like the fucking sun because I want to watch his ego shrivel up like a fucking raisin. And it does. By the time I\u2019m done (which only takes half the time because if women take up more than 25% of a conversation men think they\u2019re dominating it and I\u2019m 100% certain his little Mansplainbrain would just explode under the stress) he\u2019s physically taken two steps away from me and is looking toward the door like he\u2019s grappling with some intense fight-or-flight instinct. So I stop and smile again and because I just can\u2019t resist I wave my staff pass and say,\u00a0\u201cSorry, I need to go now, I have to be at the Globe in twenty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that is the story of the time a guy tried to mansplain Shakespeare to me and I will cherish the look on his face until the day I die.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

dukeofbookingham: All right I got like five requests to tell the story of the Shakespeare Mansplainer, so:\u00a0 Today I went to the bookstore to buy the Arden edition of \u2019Tis Pity She\u2019s a Whore because I need it for one of my term papers. But I looked at my punchcard and realized buying it would … <\/p>\n

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