oh, nothing, nothing, just thinking about how Patty Tolan thought she was joining a BOOK CLUB but she still got them a car, and strapped on a proton pack gladly, and got worried that Erin’s nice clothes kept getting sticky so she made sure everyone got jumpsuits, and she brings people sandwiches even when they haven’t asked for them, and she thinks the best of everyone (even Rowan, briefly) and she’s always willing to put herself in danger to help everyone else, and she keeps saving Holtzman’s life, and the hipster graffiti dude tells her he loves her on his way out of getting scolded, and she wishes a death metal band would play something gentle so the demon stops being so angry, and she brings the humanities to a STEM team and her expertise is what makes their plans actually work, and when she’s asked what Rowan’s form should be her request is “small and cute”, and she has a full time job but she’s willing to spend her free time making her city safer, even though ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO READ BOOKS AND TALK ABOUT BOOKS.
there’s all these aus about vader finding luke and smuggling him away to the empire in a clever moment of mental clarity, but please consider this crack au: after being faced with slavery, his mother’s death, tusken raiders, sand, obi-wan kenobi, seeing the larses, and tatooine in general, vader lays eyes on toddler luke skywalker – his son, which meant palpatine lied, holy fuck i’m a father, oh god padme i’m so sorry – and flips.
this is the straw that breaks the semi-rational sith lord’s back. in true anakin skywalker fashion, vader panics, scoops his son into his arms, charges into mos espa and turns it upside down, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, slams random hyperspace coordinates, and is thrown into space with no real idea where he’s going or when he’s going to get there. with a toddler.
to make things more interesting, obi-wan snuck aboard the ship, but dropped his lightsaber in the ruckus of sneaking into imperial ranks. and poor, poor firmus piett, a lowly officer who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, runs smack into him.
and they’re all stuck on a ship, indefinitely. with a toddler.
sweet baby jesus i love this idea
just vader, picking up toddler luke under his arm like a football, and RUNNING LIKE FUCKING HELL
[darth vader voice] I HAVE YOU NOW
*toddler Luke SCREAMING the whole time*
obiwan just having a nervous breakdown
“what what why are you doing this you’re evil but but what what is this someone shut that child up”
i love that people are contributing this is AMAZING
vader hefts the child into his arms – YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM – and literally turns away from everyone else like a kid with a new mcdonald’s toy. you can’t have him, YOU CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT HIM. luke quiets down because he’s up so high and he can see EVERYTHING and it’s fascinating. luke’s an easily impressed kid, after all. (and there are vents up here that he can nearly reach to crawl through!)
obi-wan: you can’t take luke from me, darth.
vader, probably: LIKE YOU TOOK MY LIMBS???? HUH OBI-WAN????? HUH?????
What if at one point Obi-wan and Vader get all huffy and refuse to speak to each other and Piett has to act as the go between.
vader: tell that washed up old man that i know exactly what i’m doing
piett: yes, lord vader
piett: excuse me, master jedi, but lord vader has everything under control
obi-wan: [huffs] That walking disaster hasn’t had anything under control since he was nine, and you can tell him i said that. In fact, i insist
piett: [looks into the camera like on the office]
oh god i have to write this now. you’ve convinced me, I AM SOLD. THERE IS ALMOST NOTHING BETTER THAN THIS IMAGE.
imagine it gets to the point where vader and obi-wan are screaming at each other with piett stuck in the middle, and luke, his attention torn away from the pretty lights on vader’s chest, clambers up and pats vader right over the respirator. “stop,” luke, a 2 year old, orders, patting sith lord darth vader gently on the face. “is mean,” announces luke.
vader re-settles luke in his arms. “say sowwy,” luke demands. vader, reluctantly, apologizes. he’s not taken with this child at all, obviously he’s just trying to earn luke’s respect, clearly. duh.
luke clambers off vader and toddles to piett to give him the biggest hug. “i sowwy,” says luke, solemnly. piett is about to faint. first lord vader, now the lordling? this is Too Much. vader’s probably giving piett the most terrifying death glare from behind his mask.
with the blessing of the Great and Powerful Luke Skywalker, piett can DEMAND THESE TWO STOP BEING CHILDREN but quietly, with a lot of respect.
obi-wan, meanwhile: i need a drink. i need a whole liquor bottle
I need to draw this
I said I would.
I THINK I’VE DIED AND ASCENDED TO HEAVEN
And this is the story of how Luke Skywalker ended the Galactic Civil War by being an impossibly, irresistibly adorable 2 year old with big blue eyes and a strong sense of THAT’S MEAN, STOP THAT.
- who the fuck is whil weaton
- who the fuck is felicia day
Wil Wheaton an actor who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He’s still active in the entertainment industry.
Felicia Day is also an actor. She’s been in a few episodes of Supernatural, and she was a main character in Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog.
They both do other stuff, a lot of very nerdy things and they really seem to love their fans and enjoy being nerds as well as icons of the nerd community.
- Wil Wheaton has had a blog since the very early days (like seriously it was one of the earliest major blogs) and he’s also on tumblr now @wilwheaton
- Wil Wheaton had a show on scifi for a while, and even did a sketch with Barrowman
- Wil is also close friends with the Nerdist
- He also has a youtube channel including a popular series about tabletop games
- Felica Day starred and produced in The Guild, a very popular web series
- Felicia Day plays world of warcraft
- Felicia recently released a book as well
Also I don’t know Felecia’s work as well as Wil’s, but I do know that Wil Wheaton has been very open about his own struggles with depression and I have one of his blog posts bookmarked for my own bad days.
On the repetitiveness Kirk talks about in the beginning of the movie:
As someone who’s been on a deployment on a ship, I couldn’t have empathized with him more. I’m sure every sailor can agree with me; it becomes monotonous. Water and space all kinda looks the same after a while, and although I still gazed out over the water at least once every day and went “wow, this is beautiful” I also spent a lot of my time awake doing the same thing I did yesterday and the day before and the day before that.
The intensity of the monotony is stronger when you’re stuck on a ship with walls you literally can’t escape. If you’re on shore, you could always take a car and drive off somewhere. You can’t do that on a boat. And you know you’re stuck. Sometimes that’s really heavy, sometimes it’s actually a blessing because you don’t have to worry about anything other than your job.
From talking to hubby, it’s similar to being in a warzone too. Lots of monotony punctuated by brief moments of terror. He spent most of both his army deployments mostly sitting on base, and it’s it a lot of staring at the walls, so to speak. And he did a navy deployment too. There’s a reason why Navy ships stop off and give everyone a break now and again, and there’s a reason why the Army sends you home for two weeks after so long overseas.